This Flashback Friday isn’t going to be filled with pictures of a fun prior event or a fun time in my life.
Instead, it’s going to be a reflection. A flashback to who I was back in January. B/c I’m a new person now. And it has all come to culmination today and I had an A-Ha moment where everything came into view.
In January, I was a scared girl. Scared of food, scared of being myself, scared of failing, scared to try. Just scared.
I was a girl who would get anxious at restaurants around tempting food and because of that anxiety I would end up overeating AT the restaurant and then bingeing when I got home as well.
I’m the girl who was scared she would gain back the weight she had lost over Summer time. And because of that fear, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy of mentally restricting food, trying to be perfect with my diet, and then bingeing because I couldn’t mentally handle it.
I was a girl who would get upset over eating a cookie (I would still eat it but I would just be mad about it.) I had feelings that eating a cookie would make the scale rise and I didn’t want that.
No more though. I have been making an effort to just LET GO. I finally let go of all these mental restrictions and fear of food in my head. It wasn’t easy. But, I finally let myself have a cookie if I felt like. And not just 1 cookie, eat 5 if I wanted. I finally let myself have cereal for breakfast if I wanted (I used to not allow myself cereal–no protein). I let myself have pizza when I wanted. And something magical happened. I didn’t gain weight. Heck, I haven’t even been able to be super consistent with the gym at the all time and I’m still in the same 5 lb range. Everything is OK.
I no longer think about Food every waking minute of the day. I no longer watch the clock in anticipation of my next meal. I no longer freak out when I DO get hungry and I don’t overeat because of that anxiety. I no longer have anxiety at a restaurant. I went to Mexican for lunch and I realized that this was the first time I felt comfortable with all the delish food staring at me in the face. Tortilla with cheese, yes please.
This doesn’t mean I’ve become a junk-food aholic. It means I’m kind to myself now. I feed my body good HEALTHY foods but I feed my mind calm and peace. It really just feels so WONDERFUL.
And another personal achievement. I got an A in Chemistry! Yes, the girl who was deathly afraid of it. The girl who was sure that she was going to have to retake the class. The girl who broke down in Chem Lab and had an anxiety attack, couldn’t breathe and cried.
I’ve been putting off my interest in the Medical Field for 8 years now. It started in highschool. I dropped Chem half way through. I was convinced since my Math skills were bad I couldn’t do it. I dropped out after a week in Chem at the University of Oklahoma. I thought to myself “you aren’t smart enough.” “This is not where your talents lie”. So, I took the easy way out and got a “safe” degree. A degree that didn’t challenge me, all because I was scared.
I learned today and throughout the semester that I have absolutely NO REASON to doubt myself. EVER. I can do it. Don’t allow yourself to fail without even TRYING. Yes, I worked hard and I studied all the time, but I did it. This victory is 100% mine and it feels good.
Today is a day I will remember forever. In the course of 3 months, I’ve changed my life.
The new Lisa is here to stay.
{ 51 comments… read them below or add one }
I love this post! Lisa, you have come so far and I am glad you are feeling great! I am feeling the same way these last few months and it’s amazing.
Congrats on the test, that is amazing. Chemistry always scared me too and the reason I didn’t challenge myself in college either and go into a medical field or PT….
Ah honey…this was a beautiful post. I am so proud of you…for all of it. For breaking away from your food rules, for trusting yourself, for getting an “A” in chemistry…for realizing that this world is a lot more fun when you love yourself and when you TRUST yourself. I am so happy for you, Lisa…you deserve this!
Woohoo! Congratulations! Chemistry makes my brain hurt. Go celebrate tonight. You deserve it!
Congrats on the new you!!!
I’m so excited for you! And I love that I’ve gotten to follow part of your change!
And an “A” in Chemistry??? Rock on!
I really like this post and your reflections upon your fears. Challenging them is SO hard to do and it is a testimony to your strength that you made those changes.
Great job in Chem!
i love the new you and am thankful to the old you for turning you into the new you. all about evolution. change is inspiring and i hope you continue to love Lisa 2.0 hehe <3
Wonderful post, my friend. I’m so proud of you for both accomplishments. An A chemistry? You go girl!! I went through it in high school and to this day have no idea what we did. Lol.
You should be so proud of yourself. It seems like the new Lisa is pretty damn awesome! Congrats on your A!
yay for new lisa! xoxo
have a great weekend!
Hello New Lisa!
Congrats on the A!!!! Uber-impressed. Chemistry was always my worst subject, even the easy version i high school.
you’re awesome…just thought you might want to know
Wow – this post means a lot to me Lisa. Thanks for sharing that. I feel closer to ya
and chemistry – so proud of u…not easy stuff.
You have come so far. You are a great example of strength and how just working at moving forward can change your life for the better. Congratulations on the A. And I am very proud of you for everything else you have overcome.
You are so amazing girl! I am SO happy and proud of you for getting an A and totally dominating your classes plus going to school.
Yay for being done!
Incredible post! Congrats on everything!
You are such an inspiration, both with your new relationship to food and your courage and success with school. I have been afraid of going back to school for over a year now and I swear everytime I read your blog I get a little bit more courage. Thank you!
Congratulations, Lisa!! You have so much to be proud of – and thank you for these amazingly honest and open posts – you’re awesome!
This is amazing! I am so happy for you. I can’t believe how far you have come in only 3 months. It takes people a life time to go through that journey. I’m so happy that you are in a good place now and have a healthy relationship with food. And good for you with chemistry…I took it too and it is definitely not an easy subject but you must feel so accomplished now that you are done.
Awesome post Lisa- I love it
You should be so proud!
Congrats on your test!!!!!
Hope you have a great weekend!
Lisa, that was such an inspiring post. I can totally relate to just about EVERY fear you had. I, too, struggled with those thoughts and feelings for almost a year after a drastic, unhealthy weight loss, and it made me absolutely miserable. Every waking second revolved around food, how I could avoid it, how much I wanted it, when I would eat it, where I would eat it…it went on and on!
It is a great accomplishment to finally be at a place where you can be comfortable no matter what situation you’re thrown into, so congratulations. I finally feel like I am in control, and I know what a relief that is, so props to the “New Lisa”!
YAY LISA!! I’m finding my way slowly. You are my goal
LISA i am so proud of you & your health accomplishments. You are amazing. This post is uplifting to me as I can relate to your old self at times. Such a mental strain. It is great to read that it is possible to just live a little and indulge when you want something.
p.s. love the new layout!
no… i have not tried the Naturally More almond butter yet! I just cannot bring myself to spending 8 dollars on the jar when I know I am in love with the peanut butter version. i should probably cave sometime soon though. i bet it is delicious!
hope you have a great weekend
empowering. inspiring. awesome! you are the best, lisa
and i love the layout SO much! glad you’ve come to so many terms with your relationship w/ food. so, so fantastic.
Well done Lisa! Congratulations on your Chemistry achievement as well as changing your attitude to food & exercise. You have come so far and being honest about it has inspired and helped a lot of people out there.
And I like your blog’s new look!
Thanks for sharing this. I’m so happy for you that you’re finding peace within. I truly believe that all the mental stuff just clicks when you start feeling comfortable in your own skin and it sounds like you are. You’re exuding confidence! Congrats on the A and I love the new blog layout.
Great post Lisa! So happy for you congratulations on all that you’ve accomplished!
Lisa!! You are living life and enjoying it to the fullest, thats how it should be!! Congrats on how far you have come and everything you accomplished!!!
Love the new blog layout!!!!!!!!!!!
Have a great weekend!!!!!!
I can’t even express how proud I am of you!! It took me YEARS to get to the point you are at. You are an extraordinary and strong woman and I can’t wait to see the amazing things you do in the future
Oh my God – I am so happy that you came to my site! I hope you come back.
I can’t even tell you what this post means to me…I think I’m going to print it out…seriously…I ate a WHOLE pizza last night…yes mostly veggie and not crazy thick crust…followed by cake, etc. …that I didn’t need or even really want – but it was there, I was with friends…did I feel like crap – yes! but alot of that crap was guilt…
and yeah I feel guilt and anxiety today…because I know most people would restrict or exercise or whatever…but I won’t …
Thanks for doing this…and your so pretty girl!
YES!!! I’m so glad that the new Lisa is here to STAY!!!!!!
I’m so proud of how far you’ve come in a short amount of time. Girl, you are such an inspiration. I was totally “that girl” once upon a time too. I had terrible fears about food. It is the best feeling to no longer fear it and to take the focus off of worrying about what we’re going to eat next. My heart is just bursting with happiness for you right now!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Yeah! I loved reading this, Lisa. Seriously, it was so great because the girl you’ve finally managed to become, is the girl that I’m striving towards. And you know what? I’m getting closer and closer to her every day. Food is such a ridiculous thing to battle with when there are so many other amazing things one could be spending there time on.
I like this Lisa and congrats on your A!! I’m finally going to start Chemistry because I was also convinced I couldn’t do it. You’re right though – we can do anything!
Love the new layout!!!
Just noticed it this morning.
Mike and I went out for lunch today. Although I got a salad with bison I did eat a few of the chips he ordered and didn’t feel bad at all. Then we went to Whole Foods and got some trail mix for dessert. It was a joyous day. And you know what? I’m not going to do any cardio because of it!! This is HUGE for me.
Cheers to not be psychotic!
This is such a heart warming post. I’m so happy for the new Lisa. XOXO
You are so GREAT. As you mom I saw your struggles but you had to do this on you own and you did. It is sooooooo nice to have you 100% back and happy. The best is yet to come. Love the layout. Hope you have a great day.
Congrats, Lisa! This is huge! You sound so strong, happy, and HEALTHY in this post! I have no doubt this will continue! It seems like you had that “A-ha” moment that all “dieters” need. It’s hard to switch gears mentally into “maintenance mode”, but it sounds like you’re there! Kudos!
Yay, so glad that the new Lisa is here. It’s great to read about how far you’ve come and how much happier you’ve become in just a few months.
I adore the new Lisa and am SO happy that she’s happy
this was a beautiful post, and I’m reflecting on my life now, as well. Thank you!
That’s awesome, Lisa! I too have had that ‘A Ha’ moment and it’s amazing!
Aww this post made me so happy
I’m so glad to have found your blog a few weeks back!! I actually JUST published a post so similar to this (in different ways, but similar!)…keep the good spirits up–and you’re totally right! Once you let go everything just works itself out!! xoxoxo
That was such a wonderful post, Lisa! I enjoyed reading it s inspiration and also for the fact that it shows how comfortable you are with letting go and just focusing on your own happiness. Some people never get to this point, but I am glad that you did! Have a fantastic weekend.
You, girl, are beautiful. I love your strength, your confidence, and that you are proof that you can have a gorgeous, athletic body and still eat normally. The ladies that don’t admit that they work their butts off to get a fit, lean body annoy me. Anger me, really. Because it’s either one of two things: they starve themselves of normal, healthy eating or they DO work out all the time. You, my friend, are the best of both worlds: a normal eater and someone who works hard in the gym to stay healthy. LOVE it. The fact that you’ve gone from scared and doubtful of your own abilities to turning on that light bulb and seeing yourself for the smart, confident woman you are is truly an accomplishment. Keep it up, because you’re going places.
Love you AND your new layout.
This is such an amazing post… At first, I thought you meant January of last year. What an incredible transformation- so SO happy for you. Such an inspiration
thank you for sharing!
Lisa, you’re simply amazing!! I’m so inspired after reading this post! Thank you so much for sharing your journey and for reminding all of us of the power of letting go and just being who we are without the anxiety. To see such positivity truly warms my heart and soul. And I have to say- YOU ARE SOOOOO GORGEOUS!!
What a great post, Lisa! Thanks for sharing. Sometimes it can be so difficult to just let go. It sounds like you have such a positive outlook now and I admire you for that.
Love your new layout by the way!
Lisa I am so incredibly proud of you…this post was very touching and eye-opening for me. You might as well have been writing about me throughout this post, because I was everything you described. Worst of all, I never realized like you did that I WAS smart enough to achieve my goals of becoming X in college. I could never “decide” what I wanted to do, because everything I thought of seemed too daunting (I never felt good/smart enough to do it). I always wanted to become a journalist and/or a writer, but I quit the second year of college because I used to tell everyone I wasn’t aggressive enough. I so regret not following through with that or at least my second major passion – nutrition/fitness/exercise science. I am just SO happy that you realize you ARE smart enough to accomplish your goals and that you can do WHATEVER it is you want to.
You sound like you are in such a great place right now – mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. You inspire me!!! {{HUGS}}
Your awesome Lisa!!! Super awesome!!!!
Congrats on that chem test! Woohooo
BTW I LOVE your new layout!!!
I know I’ve said it before, but hearing your story is SO inspiring to me. I think taking that leap into trusting your body and your attitude about food is very, very scary. But you have shown that not only is it possible, but it’s much happier and peaceful on “the other side”! I’m working on getting there….I have good days and bad days, but my goal is to be where you are – to look back on the “old” me and never, ever want to go back!
Thanks for this wonderful post, Lisa!
Lisa, you are amazing. Congratulations on your A in Chemistry and overcoming that 8 year olf fear. HUGE accomplishment.
Catching up on your posts hun and I LOVE THIS ONE!!! I’m so excited and inspired to see how far you’ve come and the things you are accomplishing now. Overcoming all those fears and thoughts are a great thing and congrats on that chemistry grade! I know you can do anything you can put your heart and mind to!
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