If you really knew me…

If you really knew me then you’d know that outside of my mom and two other people–I consider my blog friends to be my closest friends.

If you really knew me then you’d know that blogging has literally changed my life for the better.

If you really knew me then you’d know that my parents got divorced twice. And I was happy they got divorced both times. Sometimes divorce  can be a good thing.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I have an intense curiosity about serial killers. I love reading about them. Maybe that’s why I love Dexter so much.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I strive to be different. I strive to live life outside of the norm. I just haven’t quite figured out what that means or how I’m different.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I have always dreamed of opening up a restaurant that only served fair foods. You know—corn dogs, fried butter, Indian Tacos, Turkey Legs, Cinnamon Rolls, Elephant Ears, Funnel Cakes and have it have a carnival theme.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I didn’t think me and Sean would last more than 2 months. 4 years later…

If you really knew me then you’d know that I have an irrational fear of ceiling fans. I deal with them if they are on—but the fear of them falling and hitting me is always in the back of my head.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I would secretly rather have my stepdad walk me down the aisle. That will never happen because I love my dad too much and respect him and all he has done in my life–but I think my stepdad has shown me what a father and friend can be and I love him for that.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I love my dad, but I don’t like him. It’s a relationship I struggle with and feel guilty about on a daily basis. I love him so much it hurts, but can’t stand too bad around him for very long.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I have a tattoo. I got it when I was 18 because I could. It’s a silly tattoo and doesn’t mean much. Except that I love to look at it b/c it will always remind me of when I was 18 and how much I enjoyed that first year of college. Walking to campus in the fall with a scarf and hot chocolate and late nights with girl friends.

If you really  knew me then you’d know that I wish I could go back to college.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I don’t conform for anybody. I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done or haven’t done. I’m just me.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I love my breasts. I think they are beautiful–even though they are fake they are still mine.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I was never anorexic or bulimic—but I tried to purge my food on a few occasions and could never actually do it.

If you really knew me then you’d know that without my blog, my life would not be nearly as fun. Having a blog and having readers pushes me outside of my comfort zone to open myself up to new experiences, new food, new people, and new exercises.

If you really knew me then you’d know I only want one child. And it better be a boy. If not, I want to have a girl who is a tomboy and plays soccer and kicks butt.

If you really knew then you’d know that I did a lot of partying in highschool and was a bit promiscuous. I’m not sure what led me down that road or why I did the things I did. I do know that I did not respect myself or think I was worth much.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I have had a chemical pregnancy before. I was pregnant for two weeks and then it was gone. It was bittersweet, but I felt deep sadness. I instantly felt connected to my baby inside me, even if it was only for 2 weeks.  I mourned the loss in private for a long time because only three people knew about it. Those two weeks spent with my child made me realize that I’m meant to be a mother. It really is an amazing feeling. I still think of what that baby would’ve been like even though it was never viable. A Chemical pregnancy is the earliest form of a miscarriage. 

If you really knew me then you’d know that accepting yourself and having a love for life REALLY does make you beautiful. It REALLY is on the inside and I am just now learning that.

If you really knew me then you’d know that the reason I got into fitness and exercise was for vanity reasons. Sean had an amazing body and was hot and I thought that I needed to step my game up. I now exercise for different reasons.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I have a hard time forgetting. If someone wrongs me, I can tend to hold a grudge.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I absolutely love my lips. I think they are luscious and sexaaay .

If you really knew me then you’d know that I don’t open up to many people. Only a select few get to know the real me.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I wished I had the guts to do half of the things I want to do in life. Slowly I’m gaining more and more. Just wish it would happen quicker.

If you really knew me then you’d know that my faith and relationship with God is growing. I’m not yet at the point where I’m comfortable with Church as I’ve had some bad experiences with “religion” but I spend time everyday with God and I can feel His love again.

If you really knew me then you’d know that my family is blended and all of my dad’s ex wives are in my life. I’m incredibly blessed to have so many people who love me. I have 2 half brothers and 3 stepsisters but no full-blooded sibling.

If you really knew me then you’d know that my mom is truly my best friend. I talk to her 3-4 times a day.

If you really knew me then you’d know that even though I was a gymnast for 10 years, I would never put my daughter in gymnastics. It was far to demanding and I had to act like an adult and be far too disciplined for the majority of my childhood years.

If you really knew then you’d know that I have had 12 surgeries–and countless broken bones and turn ligaments/tendons.

If you really knew then you’d know that I still don’t’ know how I feel about running. Some days I LOVE it and some days I HATE it.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I am not comfortable in revealing clothes. I love to be naked and feel completely comfortable, but in public, I’d rather be modest and look like a lady.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I’m an introvert. I need and thrive on private time with my thoughts.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I don’t like to shop. Not having money and just tempting yourself with things you want but shouldn’t buy is just downright mean. I like to stay away.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I have a deep deep heart and am constantly thinking of things I can do for people in my life to make them smile.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I love to write letters. I probably send snail mail to people 2-3 times a week.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I don’t like ice cream that much.

If you really knew me then you’d know that I now 100 percent know that Sean is the guy for me. It took me a long time and we went through a lot and there were times I doubted that, but I am now confident enough in our relationship and him to say it.

If you knew me then you’d know how much I appreciated it if all of you would support my family by buying me and my mom’s line of Note Cards, click here to see them, and to become a fan of my boyfriend’s art on Facebook! .

If you really knew me then you’d know that all of you make me smile each and every day. I have grown into a more confident and happy woman and each and every one of you has played a big role in nurturing me and supporting me through my journey.

What would I know if I really knew you?