We are constantly bombarded with images of what the “ideal” body type is. Magazines with headlines like “drop 10 lbs fast.” These headlines are accompanied by pictures of beautiful thin women who look HAPPY. We constantly see our friends who we think “look better than us” and we strive to be more like them.
We think that those last 5-10 lbs will do something for us. Make us happier, healthier, sexier, more confident, allow us to get a boyfriend…WHATEVER. Those last 5 lbs always are accompained with “my life will be better when I lose them.”
Is this true? Absolutely not. I have come to the realization that I no longer strive for perfection of myself or my body. I am 10-15 lbs over what I thought was my ideal physical weight. The weight where I looked my best. It’s not an ideal weight for my body, but for vain purposes, it is.
I am finally happy with my weight being higher. I still look good. BUT, in the back of my mind, I still have lingering thoughts of wanting to lose 10 lbs. It’s true. I hope someday it will go away.
I weigh myself every Friday just to make sure I’m maintaining my weight. This method works for me. But, I would be lying if I said I didn’t secretly hope that the scale would measure something below my current weight. I always hope that it does. When it doesn’t, I’m ok with it, but I always am hoping that this week will be the week I see a drop.
I still subconsciously diet sometimes. I am 100 percent better about this and I do not let food or “rules” guide my life anymore, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to lose weight. I tell myself “I’ll cut back on the treats.” But, then, a shiny pretty treat is offered to me and I usually gladly take it.
I read a recent blog post that I loved and that really stuck to me.
If you were stranded on a deserted island and would never see anybody again, would you want to lose weight? There would be plenty of food on the island, but nobody there and you’d never be rescued.
This was the question posted on that post.
The answer is NO. My answer shocked me. If I knew I would never see anybody again, would I want to lose weight? Absolutely not.
Iris said..
If someone asked me if I want to lose weight, my answer would be yes. But did I want to lose weight if no one else was around to judge see me? Suddenly the answer was no.
Those would be my words and thoughts exactly.
This simple question made me realize why I’ve been wanting to lose weight and “be perfect” for the last 4 years of my life. I always knew I didn’t NEED to lose weight, but after reading this post and that question, I realized I didn’t WANT to lose weight. Deep down, I don’t want to lose weight.
I don’t want to lose weight. As Iris put it…no wonder I haven’t seen the scale go down each time I weigh myself on Friday’s.
I only want to lose weight and have a better body when I’m comparing myself to others. To celebrities, to my friends, to wanting my boyfriend to have a “hot” girlfriend.
If I strictly compare myself to me and how I think I look and how I feel in my own body…then I think I’m perfect and don’t need to lose. I only want to lose when I compare MY body with someone else’s perfect body.
This realization is a huge one for me. It also reinforces that we should never waste time comparing ourselves to other people. We will only ever be ourselves. We won’t ever be them. So, why waste time, life, and energy on wishing you were something that you won’t ever be.
That’s it. This lingering “I want to lose 10 lbs” is going out of the window. I’m happy with ME. I am ME and no one else.
What would your answer be to that question? Do you compare yourself to others?
Oh, and ENTER MY AWESOME GIVEAWAY! I am giving away TWO 8×10 (or any other smaller size you’d like) photographs from my mom’s business. Check them out and enter–they are amazing and could be used and fit anywhere. Great for decorating a home!
{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }
Actually (though I’m not wanting to lose weight at all so my response is about staying in shape more than losing/gaining) my answer would be yes. I like to be fit for myself as well as for others. But, part of that could be b/c I am self-critical perhaps? It’s a great question though!
I totally understand about wanting to be and feel fit for yourself. I want to feel fit as well. I guess what I was trying to say is that if it were only me left on this planet—I would happy with my weight, level of fitness, etc.
It’s when I start comparing myself to others is when I start wanting to change.
Ah, I get you better now. You’re saying you’re happy as is and in that case, my answer would change!!!
Oh girl. This is home.
My main/only focus for the last years have been losing weight. Some days, I am so exhausted of it … I say to myself: accept it, you are the way you are. But then, I start comparing myself with everyone.
On a deserted island would I lose weight? Hell no!
Can I stay at my current weight and be happy like that … sadly no
I can’t move on from this journey just yet, because it feel unfinished.
I’ve posted about this before. Comparing myself to others has always been a trigger for me. It’s really what kicked off my ED and while I’m so much better now, I still struggle with wanting to be as thin as (fill in the blank). While that’s not a healthy way of thinking, for me its progress over I want to be thinner than…
Your post is right on. Those last five pounds, the 4 pounds I gained, the abs I don’t have, why do I really worry about all that? None of that is what’s really going to make me happy.
Thanks for such an honest post.
Wow…that’s a tough one. I feel like I want to lose weight for myself, but the reason I want to lose weight for myself is because I want to look a certain way…and looking a certain way can’t possibly be a construct of my own brain…I must have been influenced by something/someone…right? So I guess, I want to lose weight to look a certain way that was ultimately defined by someone else.
I’m having a hard time admitting that my answer to that question would be no…because I want to be doing this for me! Not for someone else…but that’s not how my brain is wired at the moment.
I firmly believe that the only person you can compare yourself to is yourself. Every person is different, what’s the point in trying to be exactly like someone else?
I’ve always been so frustrated with magazines blaring “lose those last 5 lbs” and “here’s the secret to a flat belly today!!” Who cares?!? I don’t. I don’t notice “those last five lbs” on anyone – and really the only person who is really judging myself is MYSELF. No one else can say anything harsher than the things I’ve thought about myself. I’m much happier being able to see how far I’ve come past all the negativity and self-judgement.
I can completely relate this post. For me, it doesn’t really have to do with pounds, but appearance. I always wanted a flatter stomach or leaner legs or something. Now I am training for my first marathon and I’m so proud of what my body can do. I no longer wish to change it. Thank you for your honesty.
Amazing post! I would never have thought about it that way either. What a great way to approach it. We have to be at a weight comfortable for our bodies and not other’s perceptions.
Great post!
If I were on an island alone I’d eat blizzards and pizza all day every day. In real life I can’t do that because it gives me gas, but alone on an island who cares lol
Whenever I weigh myself (a few times a week) I always secretly hope it will miraculously be 5-10lbs lighter even though I’ve made NO effort to lose….it’s an annoying thought!
Um…did you write this for me today!??!?!?! Seriously, I think you read my mind. JUST wrote about this kind of thing like 5 minutes ago on my blog.
I’m the SAME way- just wish those 5- 10lbs. away..I think thats why I obsess with the scale so much. I wish it would get out of my head, but it’s SO hard.
What an awesome post, so much to think about!
I have so many reasons why I want to lose weight, but my biggest reason has always been to get to a healthy weight/BMI. I’ve always thought of that as one of the few reasons for weight loss that was just about me rather than comparing myself to others, it was a strictly medical reason. But when I think about your question, I start thinking that maybe these categories of “healthy weights” and BMIs are just another way to stack myself up against other people. If I was the only one, would I still consider myself to be overweight? I’m honestly not really sure what the answer would be.
Lisa, this is one of the most insightful posts I’ve read recently!
This realization that the desire to lose weight is stemming entirely from a place of comparing ourselves to others, of expecting to be judged by others – that is a “lightbulb moment” for sure.
I had a similar realization awhile ago in regards to my struggles with binge eating. I thought to myself, “if what you ate were in no way connected to what you looked like, would you still overeat?” And I realized that I probably wouldn’t, because my overeating was so tied to my phases of restricting. Really letting go of dieting made bingeing less necessary, if you will.
Ok, now that I typed that out I realize it’s not as related as it seemed in my mind, but you get the idea. Again, great post!
I weigh 137lbs but have always had a nagging, internal voice telling me to get down to 130 (& have been there at various points in my life.) I am now 32 – and trust me, girls, it gets harder to lose but easier to accept as you get older. A few years ago, I realized I’d rather be in the 135-137 range, eat balanced & workout in a balanced manner instead of being a crazy never-miss-a-workout-count-every-calorie kind of person. To me, as long as I feel good, who really cares? Additionally, I probably don’t look noticeably different to others at 130 or 137.
This is such a great post! The answer would be no for me too. I’ve never thought of it that way.
Lisa, you are fantastic. I’d like to make a poignant comment on the nature of the post, but the only message that I walked away with was that you really know yourself and are a world of inspiration for me and everyone else. I honestly feel lucky to have read this post. It reveals so much- and asking myself this question is life altering. Thanks, thanks a million
i love to read your blog because of posts like this. I think you are such a great role model for all of your readers (including me). Ive had the exact thoughts you have had, and im still going through a similar struggle (but like you, closer to the end, than the beginning). You should take pride in the steps you are taking and the strength you are showing! Thanks for another insightful post.
and…My answer would be NO, i would not want to lose weight if i lived on a deserted island, something to think about for sure!!
Love this post! Thanks for posing that question! I have been telling myself I want to lose about 10lbs…I have gained a few this summer and a few more with the stress of moving across the country. I know I need to step it up a bit in the gym. But…after reading your post- I know I would be perfectly fine if I only lost the 5lbs I have gained recently
the other 5 was to compare myself to other women with…
Wow. I’ve never really thought about it like this before. If I was answering that strictly with what I want then my answer would be no. But I am the same way…. I compare myself to others which makes me think that I need to lose those extra 5 pds. But I’m happy the way I look now.
Love this! As of right now.. no, I wouldn’t want to lose weight.. but I can honestly say 2 months ago my answer would have been different. I definitely have a comfortable-feeling place.. but it tends to be dictated more by activity level than anything else.
My answer would be no. I would not even think of losing weight. I would stay fit no matter if nobody was ever going to see me because I like the way it feels and the way I look for me. However, I would not care about 5 pounds here or there if I was all alone.
I would eat frosting and cookies. I’m not going to lie and be all “oh, I want to be fit so I live longer.” I wouldn’t care how long I lived if I were living alone on a desert island! Frosting would get old after awhile, but then I’d move on to something else.
Thank you for being honest and stating the reasons you care about your weight because mine are exactly the same. Especially the boyfriend one.
Great post! I love how honest you are – I too am a little heavier now than what I thought was my ‘ideal weight’, and I was looking at myself in the mirror the other day thinking that I like this version of me so much more. I think my answer would depend on whether or not I felt I needed to lose weight. At the moment, the answer would be no. I like to think that I train my body to make it look the way I want it to, not the way other people’s bodies look. Sure, I compare myself to others (I’d be lying if I said I didn’t), but I aim to satisfy myself first.
GREAT post! I am the process of trying to shake the 10 pounds I put on since last summer. Ugh! I think about it constantly and it puts me in bad moods when I am getting ready! I love this whole post it is not something you get to read everyday! <3
I am heavier than my “ideal weight” but that ideal weight comes from when I was 25 years old. I am not any more and I try to be okay with myself as long as I am keeping up my muscle tone which I believe is so important as we get older.
I’m so happy that you are happy at your current weight because you are healthy and you look AMAZING! Yes, amazing!!! I so admire your positive outlook:)
Currently, yes I do want to lose weight. I want to lose body fat for competition and then I want to maintain a healthy weight afterward. I needed to lose weight initially before I decided to do a figure competition, but through the process of losing 12 lbs, I felt so empowered that I wanted to challenge myself and step out my “comfort zone” to check this goal off my bucket list.
I used to compare myself to my friends, but now that I am leaning out, I’m comparing myself to my *former self* and noting the improvements. I can only change *my* body, which is different than my friends so i don’t preoccupy my time anymore comparing myself to others with completely different body types. I’m short, athletic and curvy and comparing myself to my best girlfriends who are tall and super skinny is totally bogus!
LOVE this. I’m 5 lbs more than I was last summer. I’m really ok with it though. If I lose it, cool. If not, for pete’s sake, I’m still a 6/8 what is so wrong with that? I’d rather be happy and eating sensibly with moderate indulgences, than be exercising 5-6 days a week and not having dessert!
What an awesome post! I always struggle with that extra 5 pounds like what you’re talking about. I feel like it would make me feel better about my self and since I gained weight this summer I should probably lose 10 hehe! Doesn’t mean it’s gonna happen though
This is one of the best blog posts I’ve ever read! I can’t believe this concept had never occurred to me before… I’m going to make sure I have it on the brain at all times going forward.
And my answer would be no! I would explore that island every day in an itsy bitsy bikini and love every bit of it… and me.
wow, what a great question! i used to always think i was 5lbs away from happiness, but then i’d lose those 5lbs and wouldn’t feel any differently. so i’ve put an end to those thoughts. i don’t think i compare myself with others though, although, who knows what my subconscious is capable of.
Hmmm, interesting question! You know, if I was stuck on that island, I definitely wouldn’t care about that last five pounds.
Awesome post! I’ve never heard it put that way before… the deserted island question… it’s tough because I definitely fall into the trap of having one area I wouldn’t mind “toning up” or “getting rid of the pudge”, but if I didn’t have to be in a bathing suit around other skinny minis all the time, I’d probably just fine the way I am
Good food for thought!
Interesting…I would hope that I wouldn’t care if I were on a desert island without other humans, but it’s impossible to know. I like to feel fit and be able to be active, so I think I’d want to stay healthy, but since I don’t worry about losing extra weight now, I don’t think I would then either.
Lisa lisa! Youve grown up and matured so much the last year in regards to your body image and it makes me happy. Im in the same boat.. I secretly wish the scale was lower, but im happy. I eat when i want, and within moderation.. I enjoy it so much more than the stress that use to accompany my thoughts.
Very well said Lisa!
At the beginning of 2010, I was under 110 lbs and I thought that would magically make me a happier person. And while I liked my slim look, I was depressed, *hungry*, cranky, etc. It wasn’t easy to maintain. Now I’m a few pounds heavier and part of me wishes I could be back to what I was, but the bigger part (no pun intended) is happy I can eat more peanut butter..haha!
I really like that quote..would I lose 5lbs if no one saw me? No, I’d probably lose 2-3 though, just for me.
I’d have to say no. I’m definitely harder on myself when I think of how I’m viewed through the eyes of others. Wow. Great post.
What a fantastic post!! I 100% agree. I think it’s the same if you had 1 month to live. I would go for runs on the beach because I LOVE it but I doubt you’d find me pumping iron in the gym. I wouldn’t go overboard eating everything in sight because that would NOT make me FEEL good. I guess my point is we should be living by the same theory we’d set in place if we had a limited time on earth left. Not just getting out there and “living” (traveling, etc.) but how we treat ourselves.
Hope you have a wonderful day dear, and thanks for this post! XOXOX
what a lovely and beautiful post! i have the same theory – losing those last 5 pounds is not going to magically make you happy. it just isn’t. but accepting yourself, being who you are, laughing and enjoying life – that WILL make you happy.
everyone should read this post. fo sho.
lots of love to you lady!!!
Wow, I definitely struggle with this a lot. I’m more fit than I’ve ever been in my entire life, however I always feel like I need to lose 3-5 lbs more. I get there through restricted dieting but once I get back to normal eating, it goes back up and normally I am so happy with my accomplishments and am happy to eat healthy with treats here and there, but then just like you said, I’ll start comparing and want to lose again. If I were posed that question, which is such a great way to look at things, then no…I would not want to lose more weight and I’d be completely happy!
What an awesome realization.
I’m not sure that I want to lose weight, exactly, but I want to get back to feeling great inside my own skin. Which means taking care of myself (mentally, physically, and spiritually), learning not to binge. I think a little weight will come off with that (because I know where I feel comfortable). But I also know that when I fixate on the numbers on the scale, I tend to get a little crazy, and then default to my normal coping mechanism (which is binging). And then of course, the scale goes up. It’s a bad cycle. So I’m just not weighing myself right now.
Great post! Though I’ve been trying to focus on being happy and healthy and not letting the number on the scale determine how happy I’ll be, I have still found this way of thinking to be difficult. I am about 5 lbs. heavier than I was on my wedding day. For some reason, I feel like my wedding weight is where I should be. However, I know I lost a few pounds before the wedding, because of stress, so really my current weight is probably my “happy weight.” I’m not struggling to maintain, but I do have to struggle if I want to be at my wedding weight. I used to weigh myself daily and would love to give up the scale. But, I do feel like I need at least a weekly check-in just to make sure I’m maintaining. I try to make the decision that I will be happy and have a good day regardless of what the number on the scale says, but sometimes that’s much easier said than done! Anyway thank you for addressing this. I’ll keep working and hope to improve my mindset, eventually…
Definitely a tough question. I keep thinking I would like to drop 10 more pounds to hit a certain number, but I don’t necessarily think that will make me any *better* than I am right now.
I actually would at least want to keep off the weight I lost on an island with nobody looking because of the physical challenges that there would be living there that I just couldn’t do at my old weight.
What a terrific debate. Man, that’s a tough question. I think many people still wouldn’t answer honestly. I am proud of your decision. Life is too short to stress about the small things, bigger picture is looking at all the success you’ve had along the way.
{ 5 trackbacks }