I’m a sexual being.
There, I said it. Sorry, but I’m not sorry.
I am comfortable being naked, comfortable with my body and comfortable being sexual. It’s healthy–if used and expressed in the right way.
I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while, but for whatever reason haven’t. Sex is often not discussed in the blog world. I’ve been reading blogs in this community for a year now and have seen a total of 3 posts that deal with the subject.
I’m not sure if people find it too private to discuss, which is understandable. Sex IS very private and not talked about with some people.
But, not with me. I’ve never been necessarily a private person and I’ve never been afraid to talk about sex. Sex is a part of us has human beings. We were made to be sexual beings–it’s how we keep the human race going after all.
Sex is more than that though. It’s powerful. It can lift you up and be a great way to express love with your loved one, but in the same token it can be a tool that makes you feel used, abused and tear down your confidence in yourself.
I made some bad decisions growing up in regards to sex. I moved to a new school and wanted attention from boys. At that time, I thought using my body was the way to get it. It worked. I did have the attention from some of the boys I wanted, but it was for all the wrong reasons. It didn’t make me feel good or beautiful…it made me feel disgusting and cheap.
That’s where so many young girls go wrong. There’s a reason why abstinence is preached. I wish I would have listened in high school. So, if any young girls are reading–don’t give your body to a boy to get his attention. It won’t work the way you think. Wait until it means something more—WAIT. There’s wisdom in that word.
I’m at a place in my life now where sex is a good thing. Sex has helped me gain confidence in myself when I can express my sexuality with my man.
BUT, how many times during sex do you sit there and think that your body looks bad in that situation because your tummy looks like the Michelin Man? How many times do you berate yourself in a time when your body image should be back deep in your mind? I know I have.
Why do we as women constantly think of what our body looks like any chance we get, even during sex? Men don’t care. They are just happy to be gettin some booty!
A few weeks ago I had a revelation. Have you ever had “sleep sex?” That’s what I call it. For some reason, you and your loved one wake up at the same time in the middle of the night and go to town? It’s like having sex in your primal state. Your mind is just focused on what it feels like and nothing else because you simply aren’t 100 percent awake yet. I’m just IN THE MOMENT. It’s glorious. I felt sexy, beautiful, and all woman.
Why can’t we just BE IN THE MOMENT in our lives without constantly berating ourselves and our body? Imagine what other feelings and emotions we could feel if we weren’t constantly spewing negative thoughts our way. I’d imagine we would see our lives in a different light.
Next time you are intimate with someone, let go of your inhibitions with your body. You will experience it in a much different way. I’m sexy–YOU are sexy. Show it and feel it! Today when you wake up, reflect, pray, or do whatever it is that you must to make a promise to yourself that you won’t think negatively about yourself at all today. You will be amazed. The world will open up to you in a way that you’ve never seen. With your mind open (and not feel of negative thoughts), you can focus on the IMPORTANT things in life. Relationships, being a good friend, relishing small everyday things that can make you happy.
Phew, deep thoughts for a Wednesday morning. I’ve got to go get ready for my day! I hope I didn’t scare you off with sex talk 
.
I’ll be back later with a new pumpkin enchilada recipe! (and pictures using Sean’s fancy camera).
{ 68 comments… read them below or add one }
Love this post. First thing I thought was Salt N Pepa “Everybody has sex
I mean, everybody should be makin’ love Come on, how many guys you know make love?”
Seriously though, I relate to a lot of what you wrote about your college experience. Thanks for opening up. I’ve never really been able to truly let go and not worry about my body. It’s tough not to, but you’re right, men are just happy to be boning.
Kudos to you for writing this post! You are so right…I can’t imagine a woman time with her loved one. I know I that hasn’t once worried about herself instead of enjoying have been guilty of that….in fact, it has been a struggle of mine this past year as my body has changed (wider hips, larger breasts…finally a woman!). And while I am excited for the change (as is my boyfriend, hah) it has been difficult to feel uninhibited during our intimate times. Thank you so much for this post-it was certainly needed!!
Correction: I meant “I can’t imagine a time when a woman hasn’t worried…” oops!
This is a great post! I’m glad that you decided to approach a topic that’s not really talked about often…or at all. I think your advice is really good, too. I know sometimes I’m too concerned with how I look, which is silly. Next time I’m going to try to totally forget about what I look like and whether or not I look like the Michelin Man and just have fun!
Let me know how it goes!
haha!
It’s always a little harder with a new guy, I think. So I’ll let you know if I can let go of worrying about how I look whenever the next guy comes around.
The last consistent guy was a really good friend of mine and I knew he didn’t care if I looked like a supermodel or not. We had a LOT of fun. I miss that (not him, just the fun, hehe).
wow, great post Lisa! I can totally agree with you about wanting attention from boys and using your body…I had some experiences that I truly try to just block from my mind but the truth is that it happened. and NOW, sex is much different. It becomes different when you are with someone you love who respects you and your body
hell yes we are sexual beings and I will never be one of those mothers who doesn’t talk to their kids abotu sex thinking that they don’t have it or its not talked about-this needs to be dealt with head on and by showing them you understand, you can help them make healthier, better choices!
Wonderful post Lisa! Yay for sleep sex!
Whew girl! Way to cross over the border into the “land of forbidden topics”
I love it! Is it odd that I find it fascinating to hear what other people’s sex lives are like? I guess because nobody ever talks about it.
Love the honesty in this post… thanks for sharing!!
I love this post. It’s so funny how people talk about their bodies all the time in terms of how they look, how they feel about them and what they can do in terms of fitness/exercise but never mention such an innate desire or act as having sex. I think it’s so sad when you have women that won’t let their partner see them naked. I’ve have my body hang ups like everyone does, but I really try not to let these interfere with my sexual relationships. Possibly it’s because I feel, on some level, that if I trust someone enough to be having sex with them, then I trust them not to be judging me. And more than that, sex is supposed to sexy – and there’s nothing less sexy than a woman who won’t let her partner touch and caress her because of her own insecurities, which men NEVER see or care about anyway. Again, great post thanks for having the guts to talk about this.
Kudos for opening up this topic for discussion! I think it’s healthy to talk about sex. There’s a difference between the private things you should keep between you and your partner, and the topic of sex itself. You have done a wonderful job of bringing this up.
I can definitely relate to the body image issue. Even when my man tells me I’m beautiful all of the time. Why can’t we see ourselves the way that they do? It’s what I’m striving for, because I know that the guy who loves me sees all of me, and loves me for every part, outside and in.
i 100% agree w/ your advice to wait. i came to college a virgin & was pegged “the virgin” by fraternity boys when the word got out. i was never ashamed. i was proud that i held out & feel like this reputation led me to guys w/ better morals (and some w/ terrible morals who just wanted to be a virgin-slayer – but they were easy to spot!). so, even if everybody’s doing it – it’s a-okay to wait!
also, i totally agree w/ you about feeling self conscious in the bedroom, but tell myself the same thing you do… they’re definitely not noticing what you’re noticing. they’re just thinking “woohoo! i’m getting booty!” reminding myself of this helps me relax and enjoy the experience much more. plus, i heard your boobs swell a bit during sex, which is a great thing for me. i need all the swelling i can get.
Julie: I couldn’t help but giggle a bit about your last statement- lol! You are too funny
ryan actually told me that little fact… so it may have been a trick… but i’ll keep believin’ it!
This was a great post and I loved reading your thoughts on this as I am sure many women can agree to this!
I just wanted to comment again and say that men are insecure about their bodies too. My boyfriend asked me once if having sex with him was like, “being thrashed in the crotch with a bag of bones” My poor skinny boyfriend! So keep that in mind ladies. They’re insecure too!
Lisa, I’m SO glad you did a post about this. SERIOUSLY! I’ve considered it for awhile, but I just haven’t really gotten the ‘guts’ (don’t know if that’s the right word) to write about it…and well, the girl I used to babysit reads my blog..and I might just feel a bit weird writing about that with her reading- lol! But, I LOVED this. I am AWFUL when it comes to how I feel during sex. I think about how ‘fat’ I am- HA! So dumb! Craig always tell me that I’m crazy to think that, & I know it’s true. I always feel like I have to lay in a certain way to hide all of my so-called flaws. WHAT the heck?!?!! I work out every day, watch what I eat, and take care of my body…WHY in the world do I worry so much!?!?
Thanks for opening my eyes a bit more to reality and not to what my brain wants me to believe.
I can’t wait to try your way- of just LETTING loose!!!!!
Hopefully next time you’ll remmeber this post and let loose! you and craig will both have more fun! and you are beautiful, and sexy! Trust me!
Great post!
I must admit that although I am a bit self-conscious in the “real world” and feel a bit jiggly and chubby in my clothes, I don’t feel that way at all with my hubby. I think part of it is the fact that he’s Honduran and I know that Hondurans love a girl with curves – so I always feel so sexy when I’m with him because he never fails to point out all my sexy parts, and I actually believe him. It’s kinda refreshing, in all honesty, escaping from the critical, skinny-loving American society (for the most part, obviously not everyone is like that) and stepping into a “society” (aka, our bedroom) where skinny isn’t thought of as beautiful. Of course that just happens in the bedroom, once I put my clothes on and step outside, I’m back to being self conscious – but I’m working on that.
It’s true what you say though – I don’t think any guy is thinking about how a girl looks when they’re getting some. Half the time I don’t even think they are thinking. I work in HIV prevention and talk with a lot of people about a lot of kinds of sex and NEVER has anyone mentioned a cottage cheese leg or a marshmallow belly as a negative.
I love this comment. You are a lucky woman to have a man that makes you feel so beautiful. Now, carry that feeling with you when you walk out hte door!
Such a great post, Lisa. I completely agree about always worrying about your body. The guy is definitely notttt noticing everything you think he is, he is just pumped that you are naked and he is getting some.
I pledge to not think anything negative about myself today! Thanks for the motivation to do so.
Great post! I’m definitely self conscious during sex, and I know it’s ridiculous because my bf constantly is telling me that he thinks I’m the most beautiful girl in the world. I just can’t help but think how bad things must look from certain angles anyway.
Great Post Lisa. I love how open you are because you address most subjects people wouldnt think or want to touch on. There was a time that i use to worry too.. But thats flown out the window for the most part. And i totally agree.. Sleep sex is the best:)
This is an amazing post, as usual. I totally agree that sex can be looked at in so many different ways, and it’s definitely not always negative. And AMEN to loving your body and accepting the fact that you ARE attractive and there’s no need to “hide” because of your insecurities when you’re intimate with someone you love/trust, I love it. Negativity is too prominent in public – why make it prominent in bed too?! There’s no need!
Can’t wait for the recipe, and thank you again for putting so many points into perspective for everyone – not just those that have sex, but those who might still be waiting. Amen sister!
This is a good post. If there are any young girls reading this WAIT. It is the best thing you will ever do. Someone told me once that every guy you sleep with you lose a part of your self that you will never get back.
Great post Lisa! I’ve never actually had sleep sex before, sounds interesting. Sounds like it could be pretty hilarious actually. I’m such a weirdo when I wake up in the middle of the night and have no idea what is going on. That’s probably the fun part that you’re getting at! Oh and I might sound like a 13 year old boy, but I cracked up when scrolling down and the post from yesterday “One Bone I won’t forget” was right below the sex post.
LOL!!!
i love this post!! how awesome of you to share your true feelings and past sexual experience. i love it! more more!
YAAAY for sleep sex!!
I like “your new blog” and the honesty you always share.
um, Happy Hump Day.
LOL!!!
Hi! First time commenter! I loved this post and I wish more people would be open about their sexual lives and sex talk. As I was reading this post I realized that I have never really felt insecure during sex (maybe bored, but never insecure!). Most of the time I’m so into the moment that I don’t have time to worry about what my thighs look like or if my ass is jiggling. All the guys I have been with have always complimented me after sex and I like to think it’s because I show confidence by not holding back and because I know what I like. Insecurities just get in the way during sex and it is more sexy to just let it all go!
I love this post! We are sexual beings and there is no shame in that! And you are so right: some (most?) women are so concerned with how their body looks during sex when the man is just happy to be having sex in the first place!
I love sleep sex. I wish it happened more often!
Haha, great post. I’m still waiting on the Body Bug position post though
I’m not incredibly self conscious during intimacy, but it’s been a LOOOOONG time so it’s hard to even remember those things, haha.
we need to get you some! haha jk
sorta 
I have to say, as self conscious as I am at other times, sex is one time where I don’t get nervous about my body. Not sure why this is, but I love it. I think it’s because both people are so wrapped up in the moment that it just doesn’t enter the mind…
Love that you posted about this- it’s very much an aspect of “healthy living”, whether people decide to discuss it or not!
I think it’s great you talked about such a rare topic in the healthy living blog world. It’s a great post!
Thanks for this post! I’m not ashamed of sex talk.. in fact, that’s one of the reasons why I can’t wait to be a Practitioner.. I get to talk about it all day! LOL. I don’t talk about it on my blog since family reads it though. Ha! And I know what your talking about sleep sex
I think body-awareness is one of the reasons that sex is often more enjoyable for men. They don’t care if their belly is like a bowl full of jelly, all jiggly and round. They are just focused on how good it feels. Letting go of inhibitions and not focusing on flaws can make all the difference in the world. We deserve to enjoy it, too. And I guarantee the farthest thing from our man’s mind during that act is whether or not the position makes our legs look fat, so why should we care.
I read today on msnbc.com that while only 60% of men and women are satisfied with their own bodies, 81-85% were satisfied with their partners. It goes to show we are our own harshest critics.
Lisa, this is a great topic and I loved reading the comments too! It’s unbelievable how much more confident it can make you when you are with someone who truly loves and cares about you. It makes the whole experience much more enjoyable. I’ve definitely had “Michelin Man” tummy moments though too… I laughed out loud at that one.
Really, really awesome post, Lisa! I think there is such a big misconception in our society that sex is all about/for the man. Women need to realize that when they just let go of all their external worries and anxieties, the experience can (and should be!) equally amazing for them!
THANK YOU for this post! I love talking/reading about sex.
Not in a pervie way, of course hahaha. I have definitely been incredibly self-conscious in the past, although for whatever reason, not as much right now as I used to be. I think a lot of it is age, and realizing all of the things people commented about. Honestly, I believe a guy would find a woman a heck of a lot sexier – despite her size – if she is really confident. And sometimes you have to fake it (hahaha) to make it, but I do think that is true!
Sleep sex! It IS a real thing! None of my friends know what I’m talking about. My ex and I had sleep sex all.the.time. I loved it. But then a friend of mine told me it was a form of rape or something (since I was sleeping when it started)? How can it be rape if you’re hoping it happens every night?!!
Rape?! no way! Even though you arent quite awake, its most definitely not rape! You definitely actively participate haha!
Funny that so many girls use sex as a way to get attention from boys, when to this day I go out of my way NOT to get attention from other people. I think it’s my social anxiety disorder. But even if I catch a good looking guy checking me out, I freak out, feel REALLY uncomfortable, and want to go hide under a rock.
And this Lisa, is why I will be single for a very long time.
High 5, Oklahomie! Great post. I do think sex is a taboo topic in the blog world but everyone does it. Except me.
JK of course. I’ve been in there re: using sex for attention. Bad idea. It wasn’t until I met The Lover that I had a healthier relationship w/ sex and quit feeling like a blob. OR worrying that I looked like a blob.
Ow ow girl. Powerful post.
Great post! I think I’ve read one sex related post and thats it.
This reminds me of something Julia Roberts said. I cant remember if it was in Eat Pray Love, or an interview about the movie, but she said something to the effect of, men dont care what women look like naked. Theyre just happy to be in a room with a naked woman.
I think shes right.
Lisa! You said the S-word!?!?! Imagine that…
. I love it! Sex for me has never been a forbidden topic, because my family’s always been so open about. (Well, at least in my Mom’s case…can’t tell you how many times Dad blushed when I was growing up!)
I agree with the advice to wait…and I don’t say “Wait until you’re married.” I don’t think that’s always the best way to go…I mean, what happens when you’re not at ALL compatible!? What I do hope for my girls (and other young girls) is that they do wait for someone special. I was a virgin when I went away to college. I met my first serious boyfriend that first semester away, lost it pretty quickly with him, and I found out at the end of the relationship he hadn’t broken off his previous relationship until we got physical. So, even though I am proud I’d waited even that long, what I do know is I was never truly comfortable with him. I always felt like I was “acting”. Just “doing a job”. I didn’t realize this until recently. I did have a relationship with another guy afterward that was fantastic…and up and down emotionally. It was never “official”, but something was so right about him. I didn’t, however, ever get comfortable with him. It was always so hard to explain until…
…this is where I get a little detailed. It wasn’t until I met my husband that I truly let the acting stop. I don’t know what happened, but with H, it was an immediate comfort. I let myself go. I could walk around naked in front of him. Sometimes I’d cover my tummy or something silly, but I was so much more comfortable with him. He was the first person that ever got me to the big O. No lie, I kid you not. THAT was a first for me, and THAT is what’s mattered most to me (not when I lost my virginity) and my sexual history (besides feeling comfortable for once). My husband makes me feel truly beautiful.
So glad H showed what its SUPPOSED to be like
.
Such a brave post. I had a similar experience in college despite waiting and ended up with some serious depression. I’m glad I’m not alone. I also like that you didn’t approach this is some crude immature way. I find that bloggers who do write about sex have a tendency to make a joke of it and it turns me off (no pun intended). The main reason I stay away from this topic is because I come from a seriously Catholic family and even though my mom knows that I live with my boyfriend sex is not a topic of discussion in our family. I make my own choices, but still want to have that respect for her. That said I would love to be more open about it now because as you pointed out it is powerful and its beautiful – there should be no shame with sex.
Love this post! Appreciate your openness and honesty. You are right so many people are so private about this. Was nice to read! Thanks
I LOVE the Sooners too!!! I lived in Stillwater and Enid for several years yet cheered on the Sooners. GO SOONERS!!
Whoohoo a woman after my own heart! I love your Sooner pride. Are you still in OK?
My mom could barely say the word — always whispered, with a big pause before it. Her main thing was basically, don’t get pregnant! My sex ed was a book called “Suzy’s Babies” about hampsters. Now that’s sad. I wonder if other girls who grew up in very conservative Christian homes have trouble going from “No, no, no” to “Yes!!!! It’s ok!! It’s GOOD!” like I do.
LISA!! Great, great, great, amazing, awesome post! There have been so many times when I’ve wanted to break out the sex talk on my blog but I’ve refrained because I’ve felt like it’s kind of a taboo thing for bloggers to do. Well, no more. Seriously, I’m sexing it up a bit in my post tonight.
Sex it up sista!
Love it! I’d totally write about sex every single day on my blog, but my hubby is ultra private and would not be happy about that. I walk around our house half naked most days, and that doesn’t bother me in the least…but my husband will chase after me, frantically closing the blinds so that the neighbors don’t see !
I just came across this post and really appreciate it as well. I know I’ve had moments where I can’t just be there and it hinders the pleasure. Much better to go with it and appreciate your body. It’s a vehicle for love in this sense.
Love your honesty, Lisa! Great post.
Sleep sex! Totally have had it, totally dig it, for the exact same reasons as you! All inhibitions go out the door. Yet despite the primal instinct aspect of it, I find that kind of sex to be very soft and gentle feeling (emotionally, I mean). Maybe it’s because we’re not in the frame of mind to be critical. I love love love it.
Yep, thats exactly what I love it! The only thing your mind is focusing is how it feels and nothing else. Its wonderful.
Love it darling.
I am BBW, but I have had many a man love me in bed. I don’t worry about what I look like or anything, because they have a pretty good idea of what I look like from when they saw me in clothes. And if he doesn’t want to be there, he doesn’t have to be. No one is forcing him.
I love it..many a men love me in bed. Sounds so sexy
.
And I love your confidence–you are right, if he didnt find you sexy and didnt want you, he wouldnt be in bed with you.
I am so impressed by your maturity and honesty of this post. Just a week ago or so I considered the fact that sex isn’t mentioned much in blogging and I wondered why. I think that it does make some people uncomfortable. Unfortunately, we still live in a world where it isn’t “ladylike” to discuss sexuality.
I also think with porn so readily available, some women have unrealistic expectations about how they should look/act/feel. It is an empowering feeling to let go of inhibitions and your own expectations and actually just be in the moment.
AGREE about porn! I know I used to be SO upset when I found out my BF looked at porn because i was afraid he would see those women and then compare them to me.
Now that I’m more confident in myself, I dont see that…but it does give unrealistic expectations. And it puts an idea of what sex should be like–and its hardly like it is in the porns, at least most of the time.
i needed to read this today….thank you, thank you, thank you.
i truly wish more women would embrace the sexuality we all have inside of us, whether we show it or not. the recognition and love/acceptance of it can only bring positivity
it translates into strength and confidence and that special “something” 
Agreed. It is powerful and positive and does give you (and make you feel like) something special if used in the right way!
VERY refreshing to see a post on this topic! bravo, lisa. you are so right.
Glad you like Miss J! did you get the book?!
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