It’s been a bad day, which I will discuss in another post. I don’t want to beat this post down with negativity.
I read a post that completely inspired me to the core and struck me in a way I wasn’t anticipating.
Miss Fierce, aka Snackface, wrote an amazing post about being the “curvy one.” Kailey was/is a model. When she was 19/20 she was a working model, but at that phase in her life, she was skinny. No boobs, no butt. She fell pressure to changing herself and becoming thin to fit that insane world.
Luckily, for her, she snapped out of it and got her life back together. She became healthy. Gained weight. Regained control of her food issues. You should read her blog for the whole story.
She recently decided to get back into that world of modeling. Yes, the same industry that caused her to have food issues and become TOO thin. But, this time, she was determined that she wasn’t going to change her new bootylicious body for anyone. If the modeling industry didn’t want her as her new curvier self, then she didn’t want the modeling world.
To sum it up, the post is about embracing yourself AS IS. The way you are now–the healthier you.
This hit me deep. I’m no model, but I can relate. I became too thin. I was about 15-20 lbs lighter at one point than I am today. I had an amazingly flat stomach, slimmer legs, and just was SKINNY. To be honest, I loved the way I looked. But, I didn’t love the way I felt. I was never happy. I was depressed. I had food issues, exercise issues and just LIFE issues. All of my insecurities about life stemmed from how I was treating myself. If you can’t respect and love yourself, how do you expect to love life? I sure didn’t love life. I loathed it.
You may think this picture shows a girl who is on top of it. You would think she was a confident woman who took care of herself? Nope, she was insecure, didn’t treat herself well, and thought she STILL needed to lose and had things she could improve on with her body.
It took a while, but I slowly shed those insecure layers. With each food rule I let slowly fade, I gained a little more of myself back. It took a long time. It wasn’t easy. But, I became happier. I have more of a bootylicious ass, you can’t see every muscle in my arm, or every ab. I’m not as defined. But damn it, I’m hot and womanly now. If you want to read my entire story about this process, you can read about it here.
That’s not to say I still don’t struggle with wishing and wanting to look the way I did. I still hope for some magical moment. I hope that I can live the way I am now, but look the way I did then. Obviously, that’s not realistic.
I choose life over looks. Loving life is better than loving the way I look but hating myself (if that makes sense). I loved being lean, but I I hated myself for what I let myself lose. I lost myself.
So, I decided I finally need to let go of the old reminds of my old body. That body is not mine anymore. I am now in a body I can maintain easily and be happy at. I eat whatever I want and don’t kill myself with exercise. I workout 3-4 days a week and maintain my weight. What more could I want?
Well, every time I look in my closet, I see an old pair of jeans. I was able to slide into this pair easily when I was at a lower weight. I can’t button them anymore and the seams are about to bust loose over my thighs. But, I keep them. Why? Deep down, I still want to be able to fit into them someday. I still have that daily reminder every time I see those jeans that I’m my body isn’t what it used to be. That reminder sends urges through me. Urges to diet, urges to exercise more, urges to strive for unattainable perfect. It makes me resent the body I have now and long for that unattainable body I punished myself trying to keep.
So, I went through my entire closet and threw out things that don’t fit anymore. Why be reminded of a time when I was leaner, but miserable?
I want to look in my closet and see clothes that fit my beautiful body (and happy self) now!
With each piece I tossed, I felt more and more liberated. I feel like this is the last step in shedding away the last bits of self-loathing I put myself through to achieve “that body.”
Now, I see clothes that fit. Clothes that make me feel good. I see self-love and self acceptance in that closet.
Bye bye to clothes that don’t fit me and my new body!
This is the woman I see when I look in my closet now…
a bootylicious woman who is confident and rockin her dress that fits her body NOW.
I’ve finally come full circle 
.
What do you see when you look in the closet? Do you see a woman still holding on to her thinner self? Do you see a woman who is happy with herself and her body now?!
Also, I want to make clear. If you are trying to lose weight, that’s fine. Sometime it’s seen as such a taboo thing in the blog world. It’s OK to want to lose. But, even if you anticipate your body changing for the better, I hope you can appreciate it for what it is NOW.
{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }
I recently threw away all my too small clothes, too. It was liberating!
I freaking love this post. WOW!! PREACH IT SISTA. I think you look SO AMAZING now.. seriously. and the fact that you are confident about it is just so dang SEXY! I agree with you- in the blog world it is seen as like some sort of “taboo” to lose weight.. and that is fine because some people do it in a healthy way, but as long as we LOVE our bodies the way that God intended us to, we are okay!
i can so relate this. i just threw out my small clothes!
you’re absolutely perfect the way you are!
“I chose life over looks” – this is AWESOME.
YOU… are awesome. <3
I just love you.
I love you, and this post. That is all.
You go girl!! You look great anyways.
I’ve struggled with those same feelings as well. I always had those last “5 pounds” to lose to get to my final goal weight. Wow let’s just say I never did hit that goal weight I had in mind! I worked out like a maniac, restricted calories and I was NOT HAPPY! I learned I needed to be happy with myself and to treat myself better. I was being way to harsh on myself. Today I eat in moderation, I try out new workouts and I don’t kill myself to do it every day, and I’m in a much happier state. I know how to maintain my weight and I enjoy life. I can be normal like everyone else and eat a piece of cake and not feel guilty!
Loving yourself and being happy is the most important thing, then worrying about the body image that society is obsessed over.
What a beautiful post.
I cried reading this and I’m sure you know why. Lisa you rock. That’s all I’m going to say. Oh and f*ck you are fiiiiine girl!
I have jeans that I can only fit into 2 weeks out from a show. I keep them and can’t wait to fit them again. They are also my “drunkorexia” jeans from back in the day. I really should trash them. Maybe someday i’ll snap out of it like you did. Somedays are better than others with the mirror.
Be happy with what God gave you.
I think we all have at least one pair of jeans hanging in our closet that we are sure we will fit into again one day. I know I have a pair, and I know exactly where they are in my closet. When I could fit into them last summer I was so excited, but I was also slightly depressed which is why they could fit. Good for you for throwing away all those clothes! I need to do that also!
WOO HOO!!! I remember when I had a closet clean-out session, and it was so liberating! Great message!
When I was reading this post, I felt like it could have been something that I wrote. I have two pairs of jeans in my drawer that don’t fit and probably won’t ever fit again. I KNOW that if they ever DO fit again that I won’t be in a healthy mindset, but for some reason I can’t seem to get rid of them. Maybe I’ll think about doing that soon as I feel comfortable (dare I say sexy?) in my current body
P.S. You look AWESOME in that dress!
I love this post Lisa! You look absolutely stunning now! Happiness will always beat out being the thin ideal that our society preaches. You seriously have the more honest posts I’ve ever seen! LOVE THEM!
You are so inspiring Lisa. I have truly enjoyed reading your transformation over the past year. It’s so obvious how much more confident and happy you are. When I look into my closet, I just see too many clothes
I have a shopping problem….
Lisa what a beautiful post! I love that you are embracing who you are and we don’t need negative reminders like old jeans that don’t fit! Good for you for getting rid of them!
BRAVO POST!
Lisa, thank you for showing the world that just because someone is skinny . . . does not mean they are happy on the inside. You look fantastic then and now!
i just sent a similar comment to kailey about this but THANK YOU THANK YOU!
your post is exactly what i need right now. currently i am experiencing a low in my recovery process. just a couple months ago i was unhealthily skinny, no curves, no butt nothing. i’ve changed and opened my arms to life and with that a new developing body. it’s scary and unfamiliar and those negative thoughts keep lurking back in but seriously your post has given me the strength to embrace my body, my skin, my added weight, my body and me.
thank you, youre wonderful
HOT DRESS!! I love your attitude in this post. I too have photos like your “she looks like she’s on top of it” photo, but my body has changed since then, for the better, and I’m so much happier now. You’re awesome, Lisa!
I’m sorry you didn’t have the best day, but glad you came out of it on top. This was a really moving post. I hang on to clothes that no longer fit me too and really need to clean out my closet. Seeing those things don’t make me feel good, but when I was at that teeny size I didn’t look good. So there is not rational reason to keep them. Congratulations on taking control! And btw I think you look amazing as you are!
When I threw out all of my smaller clothes it was like the weight of the world came off of my shoulders. With those old clothes I also threw out any expectations that I was going to be that size again.
I also began enjoying getting dressed again because every morning was not in “in your face” reminder that I was no longer a size 2. Dressing your body is fun when you are actually doing it with clothes that fit. It was torture when I was still holding on to clothes that were no longer right for my body. I still regularly make trips to Mr.Willies (that is what my son calls the Good Will.) It feels good!
This is such a great post.
I have a pile of clothes from earlier this year when I was about 8lbs thinner and they are a wee bit too tight and I keep thinking I’ll be “Happier” if I can fit in them again. But at the beginning of the year I was depressed, unhappy, hated my body, etc. This post put me in my place..thank you =)
Lisa! Beautiful, beautiful, Lisa!
You are such an inspiration! Regardless of who is trying to lose unwanted fat pounds or who is trying to maintain a healthy weight or even put on weight, you inspire us all to appreciate and LOVE our bodies. Personally, you are SMOKIN’ HOT with your body NOW and if you ask almost every guy out there, they are going to say that a curvier gal is definitely more attractive and sexy to them. Heck, ask any GIRL and she’d say the same thing! No wonder Christina Hendricks and Kim Kardashian are on every magazine cover…
Our CURVES radiate our femininity and fertility, which is so UNIQUE to women and is something we all should embrace. Even though I am trying to lose excess bodyfat for a competition, I know that afterward I will stay within a 10lb range and LIVE MY LIFE at a healthy, happy weight knowing I am beautiful, curvy as all get out (thanks to my ginormous boobs!) and confident and, like you said, what matters most is NOT what we look like, but how we feel on the inside. I’d rather be 10 lbs over and laugh nonstop than 10 lbs under obsessing about an inanimate object- food. That is not a life worth living!
HUGS TO YOU! Thank you for this positive reminder! Gosh, you’re awesome:)
Awesome post.
You are inspirational.
YES YES YES. Wow, I am still amazed that you found such inspiration in my post. Thank YOU.
I just tried on all my jeans. It was a challenging morning. But the more I tried them on, I realized, “omg, I’ve had these since I was 18! I’m four years older, there’s no way I could be that size anyway!” So for now, until I can afford more jeans, I am wearing leggings! Hahaha. It works for me!
Great post! I have a few pair of those jeans too. I just went through my closet and got rid of a lot of stuff!
Girl, you are HOT ! I mean that in the least creepy way!
I honestly dont feel beautiful. I have in the past, but I dont right now, I’m just gonna call this an ugly stage. I dont hate my body, I just dont love it yet.
LOVED LOVED LOVED this post. I just recently threw away all my old “skinny jeans” and skirts in favor of new ones that actually fit. And you know what? I look better in jeans that FIT. Looking like a sausage packed into a size 27 pair of Lucky’s just isn’t my thing anymore.
Good for you!!! And since I have known you then and now, I have to say I think you are much more beautiful now because you have a zest for life and so much more confidence.
Hey chica.
Go you! I’m going to be honest with you, since I know I can be…I think you look far better now than you did then, for several reasons. I can personally see that struggle in your smile. It’s not as big as your smile now…it’s not as genuine. Your face is so much…what’s the word…it just GLOWS more now. There’s color, there’s personality, and there’s DEFINITELY a stronger confidence shining through in your expressions now. I just think you’re a beautiful, confident woman right now.
You and are in VERY different, yet VERY similar stages right now…I’m still trying to lose 35 pounds. Sure, part of that is for vanity reasons (I mean, what woman DOESN’T want to fit into a sassy dress like yours!?!), but most of all, it’s for very personal reasons: acceptance of who I am, confidence, and HEALTH. I have two little girls to think about when it comes to body image and confidence. Unfortunately, I’ve been emotionally attached to food for so long, it’s harder than I thought. I need to learn to cope with my feelings sans food, and it’s slowly happening. However, let me tell you, since I met you last October, I can honestly say that I am a million times more confident and accepting of who I am. I have my slip ups…but I don’t cry over them like I used to. I don’t look in the mirror in disgust like I used to. I’m getting there…slowly but surely.
Keep remembering something VERY important: where you’re at right now…accepting of your body, happy at your weight…is a place SO many women older than you and me still seek out.
I cleaned the closet this past weekend. YAY! You are HOT and don’t you forget it.
LOVE THIS. i need to do this. i NEED to. but i still can’t. hmmm.. thanks for the inspirational post. love love love it and you.
p.s. nice tush!
Love it. Great post, girl – I am trying to lose now but, to your point, am happy where I am now, just want to lose a few and stay on top of it. My closet is definitely filled with clothes that fit – some now, some are a little big and some are a little small – it’s a nice 10 pound range there with the current-sized me in the middle!
LOVE this. Everything about it. I know so many women (including myself in the past) who have done this. When I got down to my lowest weight, I held onto these jeans that quickly became MUCH too small for me. Yet it took….years (?) for me to get rid of them. When I did, I no longer cringed when I looked inside my closet. Those clothes serve as a reminder of something we DON’T want to be anymore….and it’s hard to look at pictures of our former selves because pictures don’t tell us how we FELT at that time. But like you, I just remember being haunted – all the time – with feelings of guilt and self-loathing. You are BEAUTIFUL and I’m so grateful for your posts like this and the positive effect it is having on so many women everywhere!
Great post. I still have some clothes that I need to get rid of but like you have been holding on to them. I love my body now and I’m happy…time to let go
Thanks.
I can finally say I’m happy with the me NOW! Even though I’ve gained weight and have a big ol belly, I love my body more than ever b/c it’s growing a perfect little baby boy. I used to hold onto my skinny clothes, but finally over the summer got rid of the last few “skinny” outfits. They were unattainable goals and I’m better off without them in my life.
Honestly, girl – you look HOT now! I have never found skinny girls to be too attractive, having a Kim Kardashian-like figure myself (except for the boobs!) To me, you look more confident in your *after* pictures.
Love this post and thanks for sharing!
Love the post! We can ALL relate!! Lifes a journey and it’s a short one. Enjoy it and don’t sweat the small junk!
AWESOME POST!
This is something I always tell myself when I am doing well at beating my eating disorder: I am always lamenting what I COULD look like. Then I tell myself, yes I COULD look like that, but I would be giving up virtually everything else in my life (LIFE like you said) to get there. It would take away a career, feeling well, so many things. I really needed to read this today. I had such a strong sense of this a year ago that I feel like I have lost lately. Thank you for reminding me.
I know you have so many comments. But literally all those thoughts have been going through my head the past week. I think I still wish I was thin as I used to be. When I had an eating disorder. But I know I merely ate 1200 calories and 1350 was a “bad” day. I felt like crap. I suffered pain everyday. I was cranky. Now im happy. I eat 1600-2300. I have a healthy BMI. I am happier and feel wonderful ( except my back bc i am working on putting the muscle back that deteriorated through lack of nutrition for so long. ) I had the exact same thoughts even today.
I still have my old jeans. We should BURN them on the same day! haha. It’s discouraging and its just a part of our past that needs to be gone.
“I hope that I can live the way I am now, but look the way I did then. Obviously, that’s not realistic”
I have thought that i don’t know how many times this last week or two. But I know to do that I’d have to eat very little again and feel awful.
You said it girl. It’s not realistic. WE ( me and you!) are choosing life. over looks.
We rock our booties and our more filled out bodies!
I’m so glad I headed over to your blog today!:)
I’d love to have a burn day! seems like it’d have a bigger affect than giving them to goodwill huh?
.
I could have written this post myself. I feel exactly like you do. And, interestingly enough, I went through my closet SUnday night and threw away a bunch of old clothes that didn’t fit.
Lisa…that picture is hot and that dress is hot. All I can say is that you look hot.
You are doing the best you can, you are healthy and try your best to stay healthy. You are going to school and getting an education and I think that’s beautiful. I have high respect for others who works toward a goals, to continue learning and find ways to improve and to not be complacent in their life. Everyone has their own journey. Go girl!!!!!
Lisa, what a GREAT post.
I can totally relate to this, as I too have a couple pairs of jeans in my closet that no longer fit. They fit at a time when my weight was much lower than it needed to be. Now, with a healthy weight, I’m just finally starting to feel comfortable with these newer curves and have now accepted that those jeans are no longer for me.
Now I just need to get them OUT of that closet!
This is an amazing post. Seriously.
You look unbelievable now, and you are glowing. I’m proud of you!!
Oh and thanks for saying the little disclaimer about wanting to lose weight being okay in blog land. I too feel like its a little taboo which is silly. But yes, you still need to love who you are now, regardless of where you want to be!
Good for you girl! I think it’s important to ditch clothes that don’t fit and your new curvalicious body is so fabulous. I wouldn’t want ya to fit back into those too-small clothes!
You are amazing, my friend. And I love the bootylicious girl in that dress!!
Ahhhhhh I love your post!!!
I’m reallystruggling with self image now…
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