First–quick note. I found my phone! Some lovely Samaritan turned it in to the Chemistry office and I received it this morning. Second, I have not worked out except for Monday. When I have two tests back to back, working out it this the thing that goes. One more test on Monday!
I’m going out-of-town to Arkansas this weekend for a wedding. I’m excited since I do love to attend weddings, but this particular wedding got me thinking about some past insecurities of mine.
I’ve been with Sean for 4 years now. From the very start, I never felt pretty enough to be with him. When I met him, I felt very average. I didn’t really work out and I didn’t watch what I ate. I just was…and I was ok with that. Then, I met Sean.
He was good-looking, fun and everyone liked him. I saw that he worked out and exercise and had an amazing body.
He never made me feel unattractive. He always told me I was pretty, good-looking, hot etc. I never felt it. I felt like I didn’t belong standing next to him. That’s what started my quest for the perfect body. You all know my downward spiral from that point.
I found out about girls he had been talking to around the time we met. He never hid anything from me so I knew their names, etc. I Facebook stalked them. I became obsessed with them. I compared myself to them. I decided that they were so much prettier than I was so I needed to work extra hard and diet extra good so I could “beat” them. I wanted to be better looking than them. I wanted Sean to look at me and know that he made the right choice by dating me instead of them.
Of course, he never made me feel like he made the wrong choice. He didn’t know how I felt about it. He never knew I didn’t feel like I matched up with him. He never knew that I looked up these girls on Facebook till I was blue in the face trying to find ways that I could make myself prettier or better looking. I never told him because he would have thought I was crazy. Heck, I probably was.
Time went by and I got the perfect body. I finally had a better body than those girls, but still, I didn’t match up to them. And then disordered thoughts and everything else came. I always felt like I just couldn’t do enough to make myself as pretty and as good-looking as all the girls around me.
This insecurity really took a toll on me and Sean’s relationship. I never told him all these feelings, but he could feel them. He always asked me why I never felt confident. I think my lack of confidence started to make him view me differently. Confidence is sexy. At that point in my life, I didn’t have any.
I went through another year or so feeling the same way. I finally got to the point where I felt “ok” not being as pretty as those other girls he hung out with around the time we met. I figured “I’m not as pretty, but he is still with me and that says something.” I accepted that I would never be that pretty. Pretty sad, huh?
Well, this Friday, I finally felt it. I had just gotten my hair done. I was wearing new boots. My accomplishments with school, work and friends was really making me feel on top of this world.
I drove over to my mom’s house to show her my haircut. I walked in with my sunglasses on feeling like the sexiest woman in the world. I strutted in to where her and Perry (my stepdad) were sitting and did a circle to show them how great I looked. Perry looked at me in awe and told me how wonderful I looked. My mom smiled at me with a smile that only a mother can give her child. Yes, I did look pretty. More importantly, they could feel my confidence.
At that moment, it struck me. I finally realized I was just as pretty as those girls Sean hung out with. I deserved to be next to Sean and I did rank up with those pretty girls.
It was an amazing moment for me. In the course of 5 minutes, I undid all the damage and negativity I brought on myself for the past 4 years. I felt like I was coming into my own as a woman.
This picture was from last Saturday. The day the damage was undone.
One of those girls that Sean hung out with will be at the wedding on Saturday. In the past, I would have freaked out about this. Thoughts like “omg, I’m going to look like so ugly next to her. Sean will see it. He will realize he could’ve and should have so much prettier. I’ve gotta eat no carbs for like a month before this wedding. I’ve gotta get skinner. I’ve gotta go spray tan. My hair has to be perfect. Oh crap, I better whiten my teeth.”
Not this time. Sure, I looked at a Facebook picture of her. And yes, she’s a gorgeous woman and I still think that. But ya know what, I’m a gorgeous woman too. I deserve to view myself just as I view her. We are both gorgeous and both deserve to have gorgeous men next to us.
Being pretty isn’t a competition. Everyone is beautiful their own way and it’s time wasted when you try to think of ways to be prettier than the next girl. You are only you. You can’t be anybody else. So, spend your time thinking of ways to better your soul. Gain that confidence and you will feel just as pretty as anyone out there.
That’s my flashback to my insecurities as a woman.
Now, here’s my flashback to some weddings I’ve attended from years past.
From left to right: Grandpa, Mom, Uncle, My step grandma, and my great grandpa.
2008. All the bridesmaids with the groom!
2007.
Have you had to deal with insecurities? If so, what’s your experience?
Weddings? Yay or nay?
{ 49 comments… read them below or add one }
How are you reading my mind every single day?
You post things exactly when I need to read them. I was just having a discussion with my bf of 5 years this morning about those kinds of feelings.
I have to keep telling myself that I am beautiful and worthy of good things
Keep the great posts coming. Have a great weekend.
oh my gosh i am so happy for you lisa. i can’t believe you have ever had insecurities, but i totally understand. from the moment i started reading your blog, i thought you were gorgeous. i thought (and still think!) your face and body were perfect. after reading your blog for a while, i now see you are a beautiful person inside as well. i really mean that. i was JUST thinking abuot you yesterday when i was looking in the bathroom mirror. i semi panicked that my arms had gotten less defined. then i remembered you. i remembered that i should be grateful that i am HEALTHY and HAPPY and the muscle definition is much less important in the grand scheme of life….so thank you. and i am SO excited for you to go to that wedding with confidence.
Oh gosh Lisa, you know just what to say! I am very insecure in how I look, act, what I say, etc. And for a long time I thought I didn’t deserve to be with Jason, or anyone for that matter and I was extremely jealous of anyone who came near him! It was bad and I’m not trying to joke about it because it really destroyed me in a way. Now that I am eating “healthier” and exercising more consistently (but not as often as before) — I am becoming more and more comfortable with myself.
I love going to weddings — I find the services themselves very special and moving, and who doesn’t like an open bar and dance?
I absolutely love your honesty. I used to feel the same way you did when I dated my first serious boyfriend back in high school. When we first started dating, I would always think to myself,, “what in the world does he see in me?? I’m chubby, not the prettiest girl in school, and there are so many skinnier girls in his class that he could have if he wanted.” After dating him for 4 years, I realized that he wasn’t with me because of my looks and there obviously had to be something else there that kept him around. I questioned this constantly. I even think I asked him what he loved about me a fair amount of times !! So I completely identify with your feelings. Having self-confidence is really what makes you feel beautiful. Esp in situations where you’re around the people who used to make you feel so small inside. I love reading about your parents reactions when you walked in all sassed up ~ made me smile
Have a fantastic weekend and strut your confident, sassy self at the wedding !!
I know we all have thoughts sometimes about not feeling pretty or good enough but I really never thought you were having those thoughts. You hid all that REALLY well. How could you not – look what you accomplished in gymnastics, You have always been so pretty, I have always been in awe of you and how pretty, gorgeous awesome you are. The thing is, you are all of those things inside and out. I am soo happy you know that now – men do love confidence and confidence is sexy – so watch out Sean – Lisa has got it goin on now.
Love seeing the pictures of dad and grandpa – you made me cry. They were the 2 single most important men in my life:)
I’m so in awe of your confidence. It’s awesome. I see you and think DANG that girl has it going on so there shouldn’t ever be a reason for insecurity, but we each have it. I have it..big time. Even as a 30 yr old, I wish that I could just be gorgeous, thin, the it-girl. I compare a lot and it makes me feel blyuck
I’m working on it though!
You are amazing girl. I definitely deal with insecurities. I think we all do, it’s just a matter of how we handle them I suppose. I often feel not quite good enough and sometimes that can bring me down. I love your new found confidence. It’s very inspiring.
Lisa, you are so beautiful! I am so glad you are finaly seeing it
I love your posts. I go through periods of times when I feel so good about myself but little by little the insecurities come back. I think it’s normal for us girls to feel that way. No matter how great we feel or look we can always find something wrong. When that happens I start focusing on the things I do like about myself then I start feeling good again.
I feel like you speak the words from my heart. I feel the exact same wayyy. Like even yesterday I looked up this girl my ex almost went out with. She is gorgeous. ,but she also probably has an eating disorder. I don’t know but I’m guessing. I looked at her posts
( I fully admit to being a facebook stalker hehe;)) and she was cussing and stuff and i was like “that’s not pretty”. I think women are pretty in different ways. Like I think Sara Evans ( country singer) or faith hill are gorgeous. But I also look at you and think your gorgeous. or Julie. Or Gracie. We are all equally pretty. Just bc PB fingers has a naturally thin face does not mean I have to have one to be as gorgeous as her. My cheeks and yours show US! They make US pretty. Ya know? Ahh. I hope that made sense. But i read the whole post and I know everything you are feeling. And I think you are beyond gorgeous and sexy too if I say so! haha. Strut that confidence
Look at Sean in the pink! Love! I love all your posts so much recently Lisa, I feel like you are literally writing the thoughts in my head. You are an amazing, beautiful woman, and don’t ever make anyone feel like you’re not! People can say mean things all they want, but it’s usually out of jealousy and insecurities.
What a great feeling to realize your true beauty! You’re so inspiring!
I love weddings, I’m a total mush
You are gorgeous! I’m really glad that you wrote about this – so inspiring!
I’ve always had to battle those same thoughts… I’m not as pretty as my friends, my sister looks like a model, why am I so X, Y, Z. It is hard to get over those insecurities, but I’m workin on it
LeeLee!
This is my life. Almost to a tee. My husband’s ex(es) have made appearances at a few events we’ve been to. Actually, this girl was seated RIGHT NEXT to us! At first, it made me sick to my stomach. Then, I realized how uncomfortable she looked. It’s not a good situation for anyone. If he has an attractive history, then you are no exception, and he obviously has good taste. (And got rid of her for a reason) We are all insecure sometimes, but you have the right attitude. You are right. Everyone is beautiful their own way. You are only you. You can’t be anybody else. Beautifully said.
I think most of us can relate. I felt the same way about my boyfriend when we first started dating. I compared myself to his exes…I was still trying to finish my weight loss (had about 30 pounds to go) so I was feeling very insecure and unattractive. I eventually got over it when I reached my goal (that I had set way before I ever met my boyfriend). The peak moment was when I ran Hood to Coast. I ran the relay race, I was successful, I did it! It was the self-esteem boost I needed.
What a great post! I think this really gets at the comparison trap that so many of us fall into these days. Especially with the constant media streaming perfectly airbrushed bodies into our vision, it’s hard not to look at other women and think “why can’t I look like that.”
That is amazing that you finally found your confidence girl! You deserve to feel gorgeous!
This is SO true. “Being pretty isn’t a competition. Everyone is beautiful their own way and it’s time wasted when you try to think of ways to be prettier than the next girl.” It truly is time-wasted, and it’s time that you’ll never get back!
Keep rockin’ it! Confidence looks good on you!
Fantastic post! You do look fantastic
I love the line “being pretty isn’t a competition”. So true!! There is enough beauty and love for everyone.
I get caught in the comparison trap….a LOT. Not just with looks, but pretty much everything. And you know what? It never, EVER makes me feel good! I just try to tell myself (100 times) that comparing ourselves to others does us no good. Sure they might have more money or might be 2 sizes smaller, but they might not have our sense of humor or close knit family. There are always trade offs!
I love reading your story of how your confidence has developed. I must say, you can just tell from your posts (and pictures!) recently that you are VERY confident (not in an egotistical way haha). I think that confidence DOES equal beauty – you just have to believe in yourself.
You are a fabulous woman. I wish that I lived near you, I would take you out for coffee right away!
I deal with insecurities every single day. It’s a constant struggle. Knowing is half the battle though. Being aware of your insecurities is part of getting past them. Good for you for finally letting go of them, it’s a wonderful moment!
Side bar – That picture of you in the flowered dress made me laugh…I have almost the exact same picture of myself at a wedding at that age in almost that same hideous dress! HA!
I love your confidence!
You have every reason to feel beautiful because you are so amazing. I hope you have fun at the wedding. 
You have no idea how much reading your blog has been helping me deal with some of the exact same things.
Thank you thank you thank you!!
Girl, you’re gorgeous!!! I’m glad you’ve come to realize that you DEFINITELY “measure up”. Sean is a lucky guy
You are absolutely beautiful and amazing and you really inspire me. I have very low self esteem and even though I get compliments all the time I still feel unattractive. I’m 40 and I always get mistaken for mid to late 20′s. i eat healthy, work out but sometimes I feel like its never enough that I should be more cut and defined, that my hairs too thin, my nose is ugly. I just want to learn to accept myself like u did. If thats a new hairstyle or whatever I want that attitude. Thank u for inspiring me to look farther to find it and quit searching for perfection.
“Being pretty isn’t a competition.” That line speaks VOLUMES to me.
I totally 100% understand your insecurities, and I’ve been there, but I can honestly..TRULY..not sugar coating to make you feel better say that you are GORGEOUS. LIke stunning. So be confident!!
It is so nice to hear other people stories when you know exactly how they feel!! Confidence really is so attractive! Seriously, woman you are gorgeous!! Have fun in Arkansas this weekend.
You ARE gorgeous! I’m so glad you’ve come to that realization
I definitely had insecurities when I first started dating my now hubby. All of his ex girlfriends went to my church, so I’d see them on a weekly basis. And some of them liked to skip up to him on Sundays and gush about their week or about how good he looked. It nearly made me and my hubby break up. But I finally came to realize that he wasn’t with them. He was with me. He loved ME! It’s such a good feeling to get to that place of realizing that you ARE good enough. Great post!
So I have NO idea how you could think you weren’t good enough, because you are absolutely BEAUTIFUL! But, I know how your mind could trick you into thinking this & I’m SO glad that you are over it. You are STUNNING. Not only on the outside, but also on the inside. You have a heart of gold.
Love that white sweater on you, I think it’s beautiful.
Also, you are one in few people that look fantastic with their hair long OR short. Most people it is one way or the other, but honestly either way looks great on you.
I hope you have a wonderful time at the wedding this weekend
Weddings are definitely a YAY for me
xoxoxoxo
Yeah, girl!
A. That picture of you is gorgeous.
B. I think all of us play the comparison game and just crave that moment where everything collides and perfection is achieved. I am so glad that you threw on that outfit and realized that you are your best self and that no one can compete with that.
<3 you lady!
Girl, you are beautiful!! Beauty comes from within first. Looks are skin deep.
Love your honesty and most of all I LOVE that you are an OU fan AND a dachshund lover. I had 2 for 14 and 16 years each. I so miss having one and would love to have a wired haired next time. They are the BEST dogs. So personable.
GO OU tonight!!
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL !!
I love that picture of you and Sean dancing in 2007. You two look really great together and I wish the best for your relationship. I am also glad that you now feel beautiful and confident around him..because you should. Anyone should feel that way around their boyfriend/girlfriend. I am happy to say that I think I am finally on that path with my own body confidence around Brad.
This made me want to cry, to smile and get shivers all over. I can definitely relate to obsessing over trying to look just like other girls and feeling like it was SUCH a competition (this is coming from someone who is hardly competitive) everyday to make sure I “beat” every other girl. At the same time, I just want to reach through the computer and give you a big hug and say “you did it!” When I figured out that I had my own beauty and didn’t need to look like someone else to be pretty it was such a great feeling. I am so glad and so proud of you for reaching that place in your life. You DO deserve to have a handsome boyfriend and you ARE worthy to be by his side. You really are so pretty and you just glow with happiness.
Now the question (if I may ask) is: when are you getting married?
Wow! This is an amazing post! You are so freaking pretty! I hope you strut around every day! It’s interesting because I am dating a guy now who does not feel good enough to be with me. He always makes comments abt how other guys want me ect…. It’s tough to deal with on both ends!
Great post Lisa. It’s amazing to hear how far you’ve come. I actually needed to read this right now. I’m going through my own struggles and finding out what relationships are healthy for me and not (as you know). A man should love you for who you are on the inside and shouldn’t pressure you to look a certain way. If you’re thin, he shouldn’t be on your back to look like Kim Kardashian when your body chemistry just doesn’t do that. If you’re chunky, he shouldn’t pressure you to look like Calista Flockhart. I’m rambling now, but my point is that a guy should like your personality, not your body. You have that with Sean and are very lucky.
Sorry about this comment that makes no sense
Wow, amazing post! I’ve observed that confidence adds so much to attractiveness – I’ve seen this play out so many times, that I have to say honestly that attractiveness is about so much more than what someone looks like.
As far as insecurities — on days that I look in the mirror and don’t feel great, I try to remember that I felt great at some recent point in the past and that it’s probably some version of dysmorphia rearing its head again. Feeling insecure has more to do with our inner state than with reality, I think.
Anyway, you are beautiful, and smart, and a great writer, so hold your head up high at that wedding! Thanks for your honestly.
I feel like you’re always a couple steps ahead of me, but its really encouraging. I really want to get to the point you are at. I want to be confident. I know that confidence is sexy, and that makes it even more frustrating when I reveal my insecurities to my boyfriend. I’m working on it, I’ll get there eventually
you are gorgeous!
Aw, sweetness, it made me so sad reading how you never felt beautiful BUT I am so so so truly thankful and happy that you finally see it. You finally see what GOD sees- a beautiful, incredible woman created specifically in God’s eyes, carefully crafted to be the unique and amazing individual that you are. You should always trust in not only God’s love, but in those around you who love you dearly! (Plus, your readers love you, too!!!)
I agree- a person’s confidence (NOT cockiness) makes them that much more beautiful and I’m SO glad you feel that confidence! And, not only that, but you perpetuate self-acceptance and self-love to others so that they, too, can feel more confident and beautiful. You are sending out positive waves that are catching on and I think that is fantastic! You are right- a person should focus more on “ways to better their soul” and it’s amazing that once we focus on our inner beauty, our outside beauty naturally shines…even brighter!
Have a wonderful weekend and have a blast at the wedding, beautiful! HUGS!
So I feel like I could write a book in response to this.. love it! But to attempt to abbreviate. I was in a similar situation for a long time. I was with a guy who all the girls adored and thought was “so hot,” and I was always insecure about it. When we were together he did nothing but make me feel good about myself. But then we had a really ugly breakup and out of his mouth came all my worst fears about how people would always laugh at us and wonder why he was with me, that I was too unattractive for him, etc etc. That was a couple years ago. I’d be lying if I said I’m completely past it and it never pops up, but for the most part, it just makes me laugh, because I think it takes ugliness inside to say such things, and I’d rather just be happy with myself.
Hope the wedding was a blast!
I had a similar experience with a past boyfriend- I was obsessed with comparing myself to other girls he had talked to, or who I felt my “competition” was with. But he wasn’t as good as Sean was, and I think kind of contributed to this feeling. Now I’m with someone who makes me feel beautiful and helps with my self confidence and it is a lot better!
Have fun at the wedding!
Really enjoyed this post
I loved this line:
You are only you. You can’t be anybody else. So, spend your time thinking of ways to better your soul. Gain that confidence and you will feel just as pretty as anyone out there.
Sage advice. Every woman (and man) could use it!
So glad you are feeling great Lisa. You are beautiful!
It pains me to read that you felt so inadequate for so long! You are so right. Being pretty is NOT a competition. We should celebrate the beauty in everyone and stop comparing other girls to ourselves.
This is a great post! -Thanks. Just stopped by and I know I’ll be coming back to your blog.
Thank you for being so honest and open sharing your story! I think we all have been there at one point and it’s good to see you come out ok. Beautiful either way
Hey, I know this post is from a few days ago, but I had to thank you for writing it. I often feel this way about my fiance…I tell him all the time that I think we’re not “even” in the looks department. He says I’m totally crazy, of course, but it’s nice to know I’m not the only girl who feels this way sometimes.
wow. this post spoke to me. I’m currently engaged and all this pressure to look thin and diet is triggering the dark demon of binging within me. It’s hard but we have to remind ourselves that food and self HATE isn’t the answer.
I’m so sorry to hear that
. Just try to remember that your fiance loves you as is so you should too 
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