My dog ate my….

The usual ending to that sentence is …homework. My dog ate my homework.

Well, unfortunately, it wasn’t homework that my dog ate.

**Warning: This post may very well be TMI. I’ve never gotten embarrassed about stories like this…but I just want to give you fair warning. There’s juicy (and possibly gross) stuff in here. I like to tell stories though, and this is one VERY FUNNY and VERY EMBARASSING STORY**

I was watching 20/20 last night about all the crazy things that dogs will eat. None of what they mentioned even comes close to topping what my little princess decided that she would swallow…causing the most embarrassing moment of my adult life.

First, you need to meet the dog that is the center of the story.

Isn’t she a sweet little innocent looking thing? Don’t let her fool you. She likes to create havoc.

This day started just like any other. I went to work and drove to Norman to visit my boyfriend Sean. He was still in school and I had already graduated so I only saw him a few times a week.

Naturally, we had a pretty good time together if you catch my drift. *wink wink*. We were always very paranoid about creating a baby, so we always used condoms as a back up when we had “good times” together. It’s the safe thing to do, right?

We finished playing and Sean eventually got up to go the bathroom. Meanwhile, I basically lay about to fall asleep when Sean asked…”Lisa, where’s the condom?” I told him that I had no idea and that I thought he had taken it to be disposed of. He said he hadn’t, so we both looked at each other in confusion. Then, we hear lip smacking.

We both turn our heads and little miss Milla is licking her lips and looking VERY guilty. Immediately, we knew she had swallowed the condom. Disgusting, right?

Initially, we were very worried about her. Latex can’t be good on her little dachshund tummy. We kept a watchful eye on her. However, she never exhibited any signs of feeling bad or acting weird so we eventually forgot about it.

Sean brought Milla home so his mom could see her and that’s where it all broke loose.

Sean’s mother had let Milla outside to do her business. She had been out there for a while when she yelled at us because Milla looked like she was in a little pain and was having a hard time doing her number 2′s.

We immediately knew what was going on. We both looked at each other in panic. Unfortunately, Sean’s mom had already gone outside before we could get there first. She came outside to find quite the sight. There was Milla’s…straining to go to the bathroom…with a condom halfway out her butt. !!!!!. She couldn’t get the thing out.

Sean’s mom came in and explained what she had saw. I’m not sure that I’ve ever been more embarrassed in my life. I know that my face turned bright red. Sean just started busting out laughing. Luckily, Sean’s mom is pretty happy-go-lucky about that kind of thing. However, that didn’t stop her from handing us some gloves and a kick out the door.

So, me and Sean went and did the dirty deed. We pulled a condom out of our dog’s butt. If that doesn’t bring you closer together as a couple, then I don’t know what will.

In a nutshell, Milla ate our condom and tried to poop it out in front of his mother. Ugh.

It sounds like it comes right out of Cosmo’s “Confessions” section.

Nope, this was real life.

What’s your most embarrassing moment?