I had the privilege of dancing with a really handsome fella at the wedding on Saturday.
This is my friend Ali and her precious little boy Presley. I had the honor of being a part of his first dance. He looks pretty excited to be dancing with me, right?! We swayed back and forth to the music—and I learned he is already a heart breaker in training.
This was such a fun part of the wedding for me. I love babies and want to hold them, touch them and squeeze them!
But, when this picture was tagged of me on Facebook…my eyes went straight to a part of my body. Old habits die hard.
My eyes still have a nasty habit of going right to a body part I can criticize. The old me would have berated myself saying that my arms were fat or my arm makes me look fat…something along those lines.
I’ve learned now that even though old habits die hard, I have the chance to change how I react to those old habits. I control my reactions now.
Since I’ve recovered from such horrible ways of thinking, I realize that my arm looks just fine. It looks healthy. And I also realize now that it looks bigger than usual because it’s smushed up against my body and my body is pushing the arm out.
In the past, I would have said “no, it’s not the way I’m standing…my arm is FAT!” I remember I’d always used to put my hand on my hip in pictures to make sure that my arm wouldn’t get smushed up like that. I wanted my arm to look as small (and toned) as possible.
Seeing that picture would have ruined my day. Most likely, it would have made me restrict or eat differently. That picture would have taken the joy away from that moment.
Now, I see none of t hose things. I see myself looking happy, vibrant, and having fun. That’s just more important than what my silly arm looks like!
Everything in my life used to revolve around my appearance (and others). Now, my life revolves around life experiences, furthering myself through education and learning, and friends and family. It’s such a better way to live.
I’ve come a long way.
I know I talk about this all the time and you are probably tired of hearing it, but I love when I get reminders of how I really have changed. It just lets me know that I am still on the right path.
{ 58 comments… read them below or add one }
What a cute picture! And I used to do the same thing…it couldn’t be how I was standing or the angle. No…I really looked like that and it was awful. When, my goodness, even if I really DID look like the picture it was still beautiful. And still ME!
Oh girl I used to do the same thing!!! I was notorious for untagging pictures I thought I looked fat, and only ever posing with my hands on my hips. My sister still makes fun of me for that pose!
You have come such a long way and I am uber proud of you! Interestingly enough pregnancy has helped me eat SO much more intuitively and love my body just the way it is so much more
Score!
Ahh, I too have these thoughts, particularly about my own arms. I hate them. I know I shouldn’t say that, but they seem too big for my body and aren’t particularly strong so I’m not sure what’s up. But ‘hate’ won’t get me far so I might as well do sumthin’ about it
I never get tired of hearing about your new attitude! It’s so refreshing and uplifting! And you look great!!
You have such a good attitude! Way to recognize those thought and move past them.
That picture is so cute. You look goregous! You really have a great attitude towards everything. I get those thoughts too but I try to look past them.
I am learning a lot from your experiences. I have done the same thing before. I would let a little comment or a picture ruin my entire day. I’m learning to change those thoughts and behaviors. It’s a slow process, but I’m trying.
I LOVE that picture! And I know what you mean, I used to do the exact same thing. Sometimes I still do, but Im not so hard on myself about it anymore.
I’ve never heard anyone besides me (well, the old me) worry about their arms! I used to hate the way my arms looked and would seriously always wear jackets. Thank gosh I’m over that now!
Oh, wow, can I commiserate! I used to have such a hard time looking at photos b/c I would focus in on one body part that I was convinced made me look horrible. Now I’m able to look at my whole self and see the joy the photo displays rather than just my individual body parts.
Arm? What arm?? You are GLOWING!!
You look so pretty! I meant to tell you that when I saw your new Twitter pic. Anyhoo, I totally feel you on the arm thing but I love how you are over that now. The arms and thighs are always the zoom in parts for me. Which is ridiculous.
Oh my god, did you read my mind?!? I do that same thing ALL the time. And because I have muscular arms they tend to look “big” in some photos depending on the angle and how I’m standing. Love your change of mind, definitely gives me inspiration to break my bad habits.
Girlfriend, nobody is looking at your arm! Your face is too pretty!
I actually find it refreshing to hear from someone who can see how silly they were in their past. Good job coming so far!
Adorable picture of you and the little man dancing!! I love to hear how you view this picture now (as it is!) than how you would have seen it before (skewed).
In high school, my best friend and I used to call that “Prom Arm” because EVERYONE has it in their prom pictures…
I still do the same thing…the exact same thing. I was looking at pictures from Halloween last week and all I could see was my giant arm…I realize it’s ridiculous, but sometimes I can’t help it…I guess the difference is that now I realize I’m being ridiculous…whereas in the past I would have obsessed over it…YAY progress!
No offense, but I missed your arm because I was too busy looking at that cuttie and how happy you look to be dancing! It looks like you were really enjoying yourself and Im glad that you didnt let this picture ruin the memory of that. Bad habits die hard, but you have a really good grasp on yours.
I think you look like you’re having a good time in that picture. I’m glad you see that too
I really relate to this post – specifically the arms! When I started to gain weight in my recovery, my arms were still super skinny and I went from being so aware of the boniness to very aware that they weren’t bony anymore. It triggered feelings that I’d lost control. Then I changed my mindset, like you, and realized I was healthy now.
I’m proud of you for not falling into the photo trap – you are absolutely glowing and beautiful in that picture.
I think we all h ave those thoughts… but honestly the first thing and ONLY thing I noticed until reading further into your post was how HAPPY and glowing you look. You look so happy and confident, I’m glad you see that too now!
your arm is strong and buff and can crank out the PUSHUPS!!! skinny arms=weakling girls
Wow, I thought I was the only one who did the old “hand on hip” trick. This post really puts things into perspective for me… Next time I catch myself picking apart pictures, I will try to STOP and focus on the good stuff… Thanks so much for this!
I completely know what you mean! I sometimes dread seeing pictures of myself because of the old impulse to take apart and criticize but mostly now I think, “ok, this is not my most flattering photo, but this is not evidence that I am a hippo who needs to hide from all cameras forever”. Old habits take a while to completely go away though…
I didn’t notice anything, but totally get the point. I notice everything about myself now, but I know others aren’t seeing it. As a photographer working in Photoshop, I’ve had to learn to accept some flaws and not try to fix them!
But it’s a common issue with the arm, a tip passed along to me is to tell clients to wear something with a sleeve for those reasons. You’re right though, the body position matters too!
I couldnt help but laugh when I read the title of todays blog.. Because i TOTALLY know what you are talking about.. I do admit.. i still dread the fat arm look and feel ewww about it sometimes.. I think that just comes a long with being a girl!
Ugh.. THE ARM. The moment I saw your title I pretty much knew exactly what you were referring to. Which is kind of sad. I hate how the arm smushes out and it still bothers me to the point where I’ll sometimes be looking in the mirror and pulling my arm in and out to see how “fat” it is when pressed against my body. I’m starting to accept that most peoples arms do it no matter HOW skinny they are. It’s like the thigh – it always looks bigger than it actually is when it gets all squished out.
You DO look beautiful though! I’m glad you’re not letting something as silly as an arm bring down your opinion of yourself. It definitely shows how far you’ve come since a lot of people (me included) still get bothered by it.
What a hot date!
I used to do the same thing (negative self-talk) when I looked at photos but now I can look at them without being critical – well, most of them anyway. Congrats on the change of mind set! You’re totally right, you’ve come a really long way and it’s not something that shifts easily. 
It’s a GREAT picture, you look gorgeous and I’m so glad you have a different way of looking at things like this now!
You look gorgeous and so happy!! You’re a woman, women have arms, we use them to hold babies….
You’re right though. Sometimes I think about the things that could be done with all the brainpower that we focus on hating and criticising ourselves and others.
Ugh, my arms are always a source of insecurity for me. They’ve never been toned – they’ve been skinny, but never toned – I just can’t make them look like a supermodels. It used to drive me crazy, but now I’ve just come to realize that my body doesn’t need toned arms to be beautiful. I love reading about how far you’ve come! (And you look gorgeous in that photo…you look really happy!)
Oh man. the arm. That is the hot spot for all 6 of my sisters and me. I’m somewhere in between your original thinking and the current thinking. I know its definitely the way I’m standing but I wonder if it can’t get more toned. In my gut though I know its really the way the pic is taken and that my arm is perfectly fine. I just need to come a little further – hopefully one day I’ll have your attitude because your 100% right.
And you arm looks great!
You look fantastic. Cutest picture! Congrats on healing the way you think. It definitely looks like you’ve come along way. Don’t worry though! We’ve all been there!!
I’m critical of my arms too, but it helps to hear how far you have come….and you look great, silly!
Please keep writing about these topics, you are helping a lot of people! The first thing I saw in this picture was…HOLY COW, she is absolutely gorgeous! Great post!
Its all perception too! To me, your arm doesnt look bad AT ALL! But our minds look at things differently. Good job for being able to step back and appreciate yourself as a whole
I like that you talk about these things often. Its good to hear stuff that people struggle with and that it’s possible to overcome it, too.
I always critique photos, but the other day my sister got her wedding photos back and I was like, “wow I actually look great. It must be the airbrushing.” but my boyfriend was like, “No, you always look that great!” I think it’s just me who picks out tiny things that no one else notices
Its hard to always have that perspective though.
I have those “I’ve Come Along Way” moments a lot! They are so nice and refreshing.
My arms were always the scrawniest when I was sick, so having some meat on my bones is a sign that I’m healthy now!!
Lisa I love these posts from you – only because I have had those exact same feelings — for me I wanted pics of me above the waist since my legs looked “big”. I feel silly for even thinking that way, but when you have those negative thoughts about yourself no one can talk you out of them. No amount of compliments truly take the thoughts away. It comes from within!
I tend to pick apart certain things in pictures too…especially lately with my face. I feel like it looks really poofy and fat in pictures. It’s good to read this posts from you about controlling those thoughts more!
Those were the days huh, You always had a thing with your arms after gymnastics. They are awesome arms – glad you see that.
Hey I am still not getting an email update when you post, I signed up twice, wonder what is going on???
I do the same thing about my arms but I have never been hard on myself. I was terribly self conscious growing up when I was in fact super hot! Now, I’ve gained weight and my arms look bigger in pics but I know that in fact I am actually pretty strong.
I have curves that I have learned to embrace. My boyfriend got made when he thought my butt shrank after not seeing me for a few months. I have never had anyone say they don’t like my shape..it’s just me learning to love it. Christina Hendricks of Mad Men has made people see curvy as sexy these days so I’m running with it.
thats awesome girl!! You do look great!
I’ve experienced some of those moments at well.
like the awful chin. I know now its totally just the way im positioned in the picture and i don’t actually have a double chin.
i used to remove every tag of myself, even if it was a good moment, if i was dissatisfied at all.
I always hate how my arms look in photos also, and I’m always afraid people are going to think I’m fat by seeing pictures. I need to move on and get over it!
I look at that picture and I see your beautiful smiling face! Fat arm pictures have caused me a lot of grief myself. I’m moving past it as well. I always enjoy reading about your positive attitude changes and it never gets old for me
It seems like all of us oxygen and SOS girls are finally moving past their issues all at the same time. I’ve loved that we have stayed friends thorugh it!
I know! It’s like our own little sisterhood!
I am never tired of hearing you talk about such things! This post is awesome, and it truly shows how much your mentality has changed for the better. I won’t lie, I do it too… my eyes immediately go to the most unflattering part of any image, and I beat myself up about it. It’s good to remember that things don’t always have to be this way.
For what it’s worth, you look absolutely breathtaking in the photo! Like seriously
thank you. I’m glad these posts help you out.
I will NEVER get sick of reading posts like these.
He’s a cutie!
You should be SO proud of yourself- you have come SO VERY FAR!!
My arms have ALWAYS been a problem with me- even when I was 75lbs- my MAIN concern were my arms. What is it about them??
it’s kind of like when you talked about walking by the mirror & always checking your abs? I do that with my arms too. (well, not as much anymore…but I can’t say that I don’t ever do it)
I just feel like they look fat- & it’s the same reason that you say- JUST when you look @ pictures & you see them smushed on the side of your body.
They are NOT fat at all. In fact, it is MUSCLE. I don’t know why it’s so hard to realize that.
I love your date
I know, annoying isn’t it? It’s hard to be rational sometimes when it comes to ourselves.
I love that feeling when you realize your progress and can feel proud of yourself!
Thanks for this post, Lisa! I have that same problem with the back view of my arm actually. Ugh, still dread seeing wedding photos like that. I hope one day I can be where you are! You are my hero
I just wanted to say that I didn’t even read this article, just knew the topic of it from your recent post. I just browsed it and looked at the first photo almost as it was one of those “can you tell the difference between the two?” photos, and then I seen you write the arm on the second one. I said what’s wrong with the babies arm? And then I seen the word dancing and I thought maybe it was because the girl holding him looked uncomfortable holding him that way. And then I read the post. Your arm was the LAST thing I was looking at. I just saw how much fun you guys were having and how cute his little face is! I think it’s just funny how we judge our own imperfections when really, nobody esle notices them!
It is pretty funny…and just silly that we spend time focusing on things that don’t matter and no one else notices anyways.
wavaom Stands back from the keyboard in amazement! Thanks!
I really appreciate this post. Your battle with loving your body reminds me a lot of my own insecurities.
Glad you got something out of it. It’s a constant struggle, but I am constantly moving forward and it’s better everyday!