Bret Michaels knew what he was talking about when he wrote this song. Sure, it was about his stripper girlfriend, but it’s still pretty applicable to life.
My life has been filled with a lot of roses lately, but there’s also been a fair share of thorns.
I’ve learned this past week that when thorns are present in my life that I have a hard time blogging. Casual upbeat blog posts just weren’t coming to mind when I was occupied with other things.
Let’s start with the roses
- I completed finals! Not just completed them, but I came out on top and finished the semester with all A’s. I’m extremely proud of myself. I was apprehensive when the semester started. I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to handle such a big course-load while working full time. I powered through and did it though. Due to my hard work this semester, I have only one class next semester.
- I’ve gotten to spend time doing exactly what I wanted the past few days. Nothing. I parked myself on the couch and watch 500 days of Summer (loved it), saw How Do You Know (hated it) and ate Thai food with a friend from elementary school, and sat front row at a Hockey game. All great times.
- I spent a whole evening talking with my mom and step-dad about life. I think those times are extremely important. I got such great advice and I felt like I was in the presence of people who cared and loved me.
Now, for the thorns…
I know a lot of people only present the puppies and sunshine parts of their life on their blog, and that’s ok. I understand. However, I simply can’t do it. When something is negatively affecting me, it really weighs on me and affects everything in life.
I’ve mentioned it before, but I’ve been having some issues with personal relationships. I don’t want to go into extreme detail, but I’ve been having something second thoughts regarding my relationship.
I know that sometimes peoples relationships always look amazing on blogs, but remember…it’s not always roses and sunshine. Relationships are hard and they take work.
Mine’s in the work stage right now. As I’m getting older, I’m starting to view my life and what I want out of it differently. I just started realizing that I wanted more in a relationship then what I was getting. I deserve more.
I’ve never been confident enough to ask for what I wanted in a relationship. I always just went along with the status quo. Sad, I know. I finally feel like I’m now the woman I was made to be…and with that comes new found confidence. It also comes with the knowledge of what I want and what I’m looking for in a mate.
He’s a good guy. I love him. He means well and I know he cares.
We are going to work on it and we’ve created some things that I want to start doing that will hopefully help. I hope he is as “on board” as I am. Right now, I can’t really tell.
It’s been an emotionally taxing past few weeks. I’m trying to remember this simply line that I heard in a movie recenetly…
Be Happy in this moment, for this moment is your life.
What’s something special that you and your SO do to stay close? If you don’t have an SO, what do you value most in a relationship?
{ 82 comments… read them below or add one }
I totally am on the same page as you with the relationship thing. My bf and I have been on a “break” since I moved and it’s not looking like it’s heading back the other way. I’m with you, I love him, he’s a great guy, but I want more from a relationship. I hope you guys work it out, if that’s what you want, if not I hope you can move on without things ending too badly.
i’ve been thinking of you, lisa. i’m glad you were able to talk to sean and can work on things. the fact that you both WANT to work on your relationship is a wonderful thing. it shows that you both care enough and love each other enough to try.
as for your question, to stay close ryan and i take turns planning an extra-special date for each other once a month (we alternate months). we also go for long walks w/ our dog and make it a point to hang out and actually talk to each other after a long day at work rather than zone out in front of the tv.
I love that date night idea…taking time to plan it each month. I think I may use this!
Congratulations on your exams and grades!! That’s amazing. It’s great you’re aware of why and how your are changing, even though it’s tough to work through. I hope you get what you need. I’m single now and I’ve been looking at patterns in other relationships to help me work on the next one. I’ve realized I really need to make sure I have some independence and free time to myself or I start to feel trapped and end things.
Love this post hun. CONGRATS on straigth A’s!!!
I think planning little things is key in relationships… I’m still in the crazy new phase, but with two total opposite scheduals I find making time for the little things, even if it’s a quickie dinner once a week makes it work. It doesnt have to be a big grand gesture, it’s just showign you care
You are a strong and wonderful woman, Lisa. No matter what, I know things will work out because you will take the path you know is best for YOU. I hope things go the way you hope them to, but I know you will be fine in any case.
Peter & I make a point to relax together regularly and just talk. We also like to plan special dates just the two of us when we can.
Congrats on finals! And you deserved some time to do nothing and relax. Sorry to hear about your relationship troubles, but kudos for speaking up!
Relationships are hard. Its good that you’re both willing to work on it though. I think thats important. My boyfriend and I didnt put in the kind of effort that we should have, and I just dont know how much longer its going to last. Its hard.
Whatever happens, I know you’ll be ok. You’re an amazing person and you deserve every bit of happiness there is.
Congrats on the A’s, that’s something to be proud of for sure!
Good luck on the relationship stuff, everything will work out the way it should, keep the faith.
Lisa- you are the kind of blogger that there needs to be more of. This is real life and it’s not all peaches and puppies and sunshine. It’s easy to think that it is when people don’t discuss it. So thanks for making us all not feel crazy in our own lives. Joe and I just try to have fun together but nothing too formal- we like to go out to eat on Fridays and watch movies at home. And even stupid little errands we run together, like going to Home Depot together versus him going alone, can be fun and silly instead of more time apart.
And congrats on all of the A’s! You are awesome!
Relationships really are hard work, and whatever happens, I admire you for being open and honest in yours. The times I feel closest to Dave are when we stay up late at night talking about life, our values, our dreams, etc.
I’m sorry you guys are going through a rough time. Relationships all have their ups and downs and you just have to reach deep and work hard if it’s worth saving. Sometimes it’s not and that can be so hard to accept. But when it is worth it, the work is completely worth it as well. No matter what happens, you will definitely grow and be a stronger person.
i cannot express to you that what you said is basically EVERYTHING that has been happening with my in my relationship. I know he cares and he is a great guy but it got to the point where I DESERVE BETTER. I felt taken for granted and not paid attention to. We went through this for weeks. It was great then bad, then great then bad and I got tired and worn out. To say relationships are hard work is an understatement! they are DAMN hard! We are at that stage of work as well, and if we get through it then that will be great, but if not, then it wasn’t meant to be. Just always remember to put you first, express yourself and be honest and hopefully he will be on board to make you the happiest you can be!
Aw, thanks for letting me know this. It’s not easy is it? But, honestly, it sounds like we are both in great places—regardless of what happens.
Don’t waste time not getting everything you deserve. I was married at 26 to someone who I was miserable with… but didn’t think I would ever get anything more (I’m not saying you’re miserable, though). I was always jealous of those who had “easy” marriages, who were spoiled by their significant others, who were happy most of the time. I just didn’t think that was possible.
I’m now married to a person I never thought could possibly exist… someone who gives me everything I need, and much more. It is possible.
Good luck and congrats on all A’s!!
I’m definitely to that point where I don’t want to waste any time. I told him the other day that if he asked me to marry him tomorrow, I’m not sure I’d say yes. I’m willing to work on it for a while and see how it goes. I’ll definitely know after that.
Good for you, girl. I wish you the best of luck. <3
Hey Lisa! I’m glad your back and I totally understand the absense, I do that too. I actually have a secret I have been keeping from my blog readers. A huge big bad one, but I’m afraid my parents or someone will catch a glimpse of it.
Anyways I’m so sorry that things have been rough with you and Sean. All I know is you deserve the greatest . And NEVER settle for less than you want. Becasue this will be a person that you will spend the rest of your life with and its not something you can go back and change. and also remember as hard as you try…you can’t change someone. Women can not change there men. You want it to come from their heart. I always tell myself when a relationship does not work out becasue of the boy “I WANT SOMEONE WHO WANTS ME AS BAD AS I WANT THEM!”.
As for what I look for in a guy: happy, funny, relaxed, christian, tall, handsome, wants me so bad, talking, and wants to be with me anytime he can. Stuff like that. I really look up to Julie at PPF and the way Ryan treats her! I think thats awesome! and hes got the qualities I want pretty much!
LOVE that you blog about the harder things too. I have a hard time leaving them out of my blog, but feel bad making it a downer sometimes. But I think representing yourself truly is important.
My boyfriend is long distance but we try to find things that our “ours” to do together. We always get chipotle, we always make overeasy eggs for breakfast, we always lounge on the couch and watch movies. We make each other homemade cards for holidays. It’s simple things but having “our” stuff makes us feel closer.
Good luck with everything!
Oh sweetheart. I love ya, babe.
Asking for what you need is SO hard. I think it’s harder on women because we are always taught to put others first.
The one thing I know about men is that you have to be so direct and spell everything out for them. They will stay status quo until the cows come home unless you give them a different direction. Things that we see, that we read between the lines just does not happen for them. It’s their wiring.
You know I am always here for you.
I applaud the very realness of your blog. Congrats for making all A’s this semester, and I hope that you work through the rough patch in your life right now. xoxo
Oh girl, I feel for you right now. I was at where you are right now about 3 months ago and things didn’t work out for me. I hope they do for you. Just remember that you deserve everything you want out of life and if you don’t want the same things, you deserve to move on and find those things with someone else. You deserve love and happiness and don’t settle for less.
First of all, great job this semester! All As is amazing!
I was in a similar situation about 3 years ago, but it was more about realizing this person just wasn’t right for me- I needed more out of a relationship. It was hard because he was such a big part of my life, but I know now when people tell you everything will work out, it actually will! Thanks for being so real.
I meant a year ago, not three! Little me wasn’t that involved haha:)
I wish you luck with your relationship! I know yall have vested a lot of time which makes the thought of changing that even harder. But as you are now realizing, sometimes change is needed once someone feels underappreciated or just not having their needs met.
People can be wonderful, caring, kind-hearted, etc. But that doesn’t necessarily make them the person you are to spend the rest of your life with (not saying he isn’t, just talking in general). There’s much more to just being a good person to be someone’s soulmate!
So sorry to hear about your troubles. I’m thinking of you! We’ve all been there, not that it makes it any easier for you. I am here if you need someone to listen!
Also, good job on the grades! Holy smokes, girl!
Congratulations on being finished w/ finals and also yay for “me” time. I love that. I am sorry about the thorns. I’ve been there and it sucks. What I have learned is though love is there, sometimes one outgrows the other. And that’s ok. The ex (before The Lover) and I had outgrown each other and it hurt that the person we thought we’d get married to and have babies with wasn’t THE person after all. Not to say that isn’t the case for you but sometimes it’s easy to lose yourself in a relationship and when you do find yourself, you realize you want different things. Just remember that YOU are an amazing woman and YOU deserve the best.
Like I tell my single friends that think they are too picky: You aren’t too picky. You just don’t settle.
Supah Hugs!
Best of luck! Hope your holidays are merry & bright! I’ve been missing your posts. Congrats on all As!
I hope your relationship gets better.
Ps: you are beautiful!
thanks for sharing your thoughts on this subject. it is difficult going through tough times. i think a couple of things that can break a relationship for sure are…..1. moving in with a guy and ….2. sleeping with a guy before marriage. i guess i am old fashioned but i believe in having good morals.
just sayin
First of all congrats on your A’s! Way to go =)
As for the relationship…this may seem weird, but I suggest going your separate ways. Realize I know nothing about your relationship and only the things you write in your blog. BUT it sounds like I was in a similar situation years ago with my bf..who is now my husband. And well, I never did get what I want. I only get status quo and I should have realized we were on different paths. I love him, he’s a good guy, etc. BUT I don’t know if we’re “forever.” =(
I know where you’re coming from, I was there about 3 months back. We had to really re-evaluate our relationship, and it’s still a huge work in progress. I think the main thing right now is for us to listen to each other and work on those issues. Right now I’m hoping those changes we made stay and we don’t fall back to how it was, but it’s going to take some time. We all deserve to be happy though! Good luck with it!
relationships are hard! I couldn’t agree more! Things may always seem hunky dory from an outsider perspective but the reality is that couples DO fight and that is healthy. The biggest thing I value in my relationship is communication. We are able to talk through our difficulties and come to an understanding. Although it can be challenging, at least we can confide in each other. I think each person deserves to be treated as well as they would be treated by say a father. It’s rare to find but it is out there! Don’t setttle girly if it’s not what you truly feel happy with!
Relationships are HARD. I just learned that this past week. Sometimes people need just need to do what is best for them.
Lisa, I cant express how grateful I am about your honesty. Yes, these things do happen to everyone and instead of covering it up with roses you told us what happens in REAL life.
I love my boyfriend too, more than anything. We have been together 5 years. Most of the time I feel like I am getting what I need, the thought of the future scares me.
I just started going to school for ME and for once in my life doing something that I want to do. I already feel this new confidence and wholeness about my life and im excited about the possibilites.
But it leades me to think that this confidence is going to make me feel like i deserve more. Or what if i am not going to want a boyfriend at all? What if I want to go off and be a chef-gypsy with no strings attached? People change and grow and relationships sometimes fall apart. But no matter how much you love somebody YOU come first no matter what!
I hope everything works out in the end for the best.
If you need to chat or email . . . im there
Relationships really are work, and I’m so bad at them. Tim and I try really hard to just be honset with each other and communicate openly. It’s working so far, but we’ll see…
I hope things work out the best way possible for you girl.
Yay for yoga tonight!
1st, congratulations on finishing your finals and having such an AWESOME semester!
I started to say “I’m sorry you’ve been having a hard time…”, but the truth is that I’m happy for you to be so honest with yourself and focus on your own needs in a relationship. In my opinion, you will definitely be happiest in a relationship where you feel 100% valued and loved just the way you are, with someone who cherishes you because you deserve that!
Billy and I make time everyday to just hang out and talk – no computers, TV, iPhones…just us. Also, we love to plan meals at home and fun date nights out.
I have no doubt that the right thing will happen for you in your relationship and I admire you for being so in tune to yourself! xo
Oh Lisa, I completely know where you are coming from. Last year my boyfriend and I went to hell and back, and we made it through but for a year or so I wasn’t sure if we would. It’s so hard when you’re in that middle area where things aren’t 100% perfect, but they’re not bad enough to be clearly telling you to get out. Is it okay to be super perfectly happy 75% of the time but catastrophically bad the other 25%? Or being content but not amazing but never really terrible? It’s such a hard decision.
I spent a long time thinking about the deeper habits and personality of my partner (and relationship) and working out if that is something that I could live with for a lifetime. People can change, but for the most part I believe that you can predict the way they will deal with something at 35 from the way they are at 25. And you definitely can’t change them.
Communication is also massive, obviously, but it surprises me how many of my friends are in relationships for years without even mentioning wanting (or not) a long term commitment, kids, that sort of thing. After 5 years my boy and I still re-evaluate and reconfirm wanting to be together every single day.
Massive virtual hugs. If you ever want someone to talk to I’m only an email away.
And massive congratulations on your marks!
This is how I feel like my relationship is….”content but not amazing, but never really terrible.” Its obviously been ok, since we have been together for 4 years. I always get a nagging feeling that I am missing something–that I deserve more–that I want more. I’m finally confident enough to speak up and express those and I’m ready to make a c hange if I need to.
lisa your comment above is exactly how i felt w/ my first boyfriend. he was a great guy, but i just couldn’t shake that nagging feeling that i was missing something. it’s maddening! i hope it all works out for you the very best!
As always I am so impressed by your honesty in your blog, it’s something I strive for in my blog but often don’t have the courage to write about how I truly feel all the time. Relationships are lots and lots of work. There have been multiple points in my marriage that I have questioned things and felt like we are on separate pages. My best advice is to communicate, communicate, communicate. Whether it is good or bad conversations it is so much better to say how you’re feeling than holding it in.
I love your honesty, Lisa! I’m also glad you’re able to see the roses with the thorns… sometimes thorns are so thorny that you forget there are roses there, too. Did that make any sense?
Anyways, Hubbs and I made a pact from day one that communication would always be #1 to us. If something is bothering one of us, we discuss it, whether it is uncomfortable or not, but we do so in a loving way- no accusations, just honesty. But we also make sure to communicate when things are good too- I tell him what things he does that makes me happy and vice versa.
At the end of the day, we are best friends. Yes, the corny, must-be-made-up kind of best friends that love each other kind of thing.
I don’t think you (or anyone) should settle for anything less.
PS- it wasn’t always rainbows & butterflies when we first started dating, but even then, we always had mutual respect and honesty… no name calling, no screaming fights, no cheating…
PSS- Obviously I have way too much to say about this topic… bottom line- you’re doing the right thing by recognizing what you want and making it known. You’ll be happier that way no matter how things turn out.
you are strong and your confidence shows that. I praying all things go well with this situation. My hubs and I take time 1-2x a week to go for hike with the pups or get coffee. This is “our” time. No phones, no distractions, just whats on our heart and mind. And sometimes we agree to disgree.
LC
The support on this blog is unbelievable. Honesty is hard especially when things are not going well. Love you bunches.
No relationship is perfect, and they all take work. I’m always working on mine and I struggle as well. I’m happy, but I know that I need to be working on things in the ‘intimate’ department, where I lack confidence. I always look at you and how confident you are with that part of your life!
I hope things work out for the best, hang in there. Message me if you need to chat!
I think it’s really important to be able to show the great AND not so great side of things if your life. Nobody’s life is butterflies and rainbows and being open and honest about such an intimate thing is awesome for you AND for anyone and everyone else who might be struggling with similar things and can relate, or have been through it before and can give great advice.
The way you’re handling this is pretty darn great and mature and I hope that no matter what happens, everything turns out the best it possibly could for you because you definitely deserve to be completely happy and treated nothing less than wonderfully.
Congrats on those “roses” too, straight As is incredible, especially with your tough load and schedule. You totally earned an amazing holiday
first thing, congrats on the amazing grades! sounds like you really have everything together and should be proud of yourself. on that subject, i went through a similar transformation after my last breakup. i was never really clear on exactly what i wanted from my ex, and even though i know he loved me a lot, resentment built up pretty quickly after years together and i still wondered when things were going to change. in retrospect, i wish i had brought up my feelings much earlier. who knows whether or not they could have been resolved? but now i know that i want to be in a relationship that has a potential for a future. and i want to date someone who tries to share my interests. who takes time to get to know my family. who recognizes what’s important to me. who does the same nice little things for me that i do for them. my boyfriend now does all of those things and i dont feel guilty or badly for wanting them. you definitely shouldnt either!!!
Hi lady,
First I wanted to thank you for being so genuinely honest in your blog. It is hard to post the bad with the good but I always feel better doing so aftwewards. I recently posted about leaving my PhD program and also getting rejected from my top choice school for PA school. It sucks. But in the end, you will feel better. Even if you get 0% response from readers (which is obviously not the case), sometimes just getting your thoughts onto paper is truly therapeutic and healing.
As for what you posted, know that it’s better to confront these issues NOW than later in life. You will either end up with a stronger relationship or move onto something better, so although it seems like nothing but a “thorn”, it’s really a win-win situation for you.
Hang in there girl. XOXOX.
Lauren
Agreed! The moment I realized I wasn’t sure I wanted to marry him (after 4 years) was the moment I knew that I better speak up now before it’s too late. I love how you describe it as a “win-win.” what a great way of looking at it!
Wow, candid post, thanks for sharing and being truthful about what’s going on with your relationship. I hate when I see blogs that make it appear as if everything is perfect when nothing is ever perfect. It’s just a pet peeve I guess. That being said, I think it’s awesome you two are working on it and are so open about, best of luck to you two! Emotional things can be even more draining than physical stuff most of the time and eventually takes a toll on you.
So, on a lighter note, I’m happy to see that “How Do You Know” sucked. I was going to see it this wknd but heard pretty bad reviews and wanted to know if it was really, really bad. But 500 Days of Summer? Love.
hey girlie! its me posting again..have you and Sean talked about taking some time apart? I don’t mean breaking up, but just spending time apart from one another. A “break” It may be beneficial to the both of you. You take all the time you need to figure out what you want. Sometimes men can take their significant other for granted if they are ‘too available’ take some time to yourself, do what you want, enjoy and if he loves you and wants to be with you, he will realize what he may lose. If not, then it was never meant to be.
Yeah, I have definitely thought about that. It’d be nice to be away to be able to think about things a little more clearly…it’s just hard because we live together. how do you breaks when you live together?
Lisa. I feel like your going to get mad at me for saying this but I guess I’ll take the risk. I love you sooooooooo much and your one of my favorite bloggers and I care about you so much. Anways I’m a christian and I never force it on others but I also dont want chances to slip away. But anyways I think that is why it is not a smart choice to live together and do things before marriage ya know?
Like I know you already have but God calls us to wait for marriage. Its been shown in so many of my friends relationships. They do things and it just screws up so many aspects of a relationship. Actually, no matter who the guy is they do lose a certain amount of respect for girls who do ‘stuff’ before marriage. I mean afterall, that is the most valuable thing you have to give to the man you choose to marry. I think Sean might be taking you for granted and sometimes that is the reason guys choose not to ask a girl for marriage.
I mean as stupid as this sounds and as many times as my dad has told me I could not agree more with the statement” why buy the cow if you can give the milk for free?”
You are such a well rounded, shockingly beautiful person inside and out and i want the absolute best for you.
And as for saving yourself one of my friends did it when she was young a few times. She put away her past and did not do it again for 5 years . God totally forgave her and she does not even think about it any more. Now she was able to fully give herself to the person she loved and he loves her.
And if its holding you back because you live with him. MOVE OUT. I know you love him but if he respected you enough and truly loved you for just you he would wait til you guys got married and honor your decision. Granted four years is a long time to wait. But this would open both your eyes to if he really wants you.
I hope you hold no harsh feelings at all towards me.
I really just want what is best for you.
Love you Lisa.
XOXOXOXOXO
Carlee.Danielle.
Congrats on straight As! That’s fantastic, I’m very happy for you!
Sorry about things not going well in your relationship. I wish I had some good advice. My ex was a really great guy, but it just wasn’t meant to be. I think both parties putting in the same amount of effort as far as making it work, though, is key. He and I were on different pages for that. I tried, he had given up. I guess that could be something I value in a relationship…equal effort to make it work. I hope everything works out for you and that you guys can come out of this stronger. Just remember that you deserve no less than the best.
thanks di! I guess that’s my worry…and well, not even worry–concern bc its happening. I put a lot more effort into it than he does.
Hopefully he steps it up and shows you that he deserves to be with you. ♥
I know I am a bit younger than you, but I know what you are going through in your relationship. My boyfriend and I are 4 years apart. He’s graduating college, and this is my first year. He’s ready to start a career, and I am just preparing for mine. I’m going away for college next year (transferring), and Brad doesn’t know what to do with himself. Whether he should follow me or try to hold a long distance relationship. It’s tough when two people are at different points in their life, or becoming their own person. I know one of the most important virtues to have in a relationship is your individuality. It is important, of course, to have that connection with your SO, but you should also be able to do things on your own. I think Brad and I struggle with that sometimes. We’ve been through a lot of emotional and taxing times, but we are improving. I just don’t know what next year will bring, or where our lives are headed. I think the best thing for you to do is just keep being Lisa. Don’t forget about your goals, your values, and your individuality. And, girl, don’t be afraid to speak up! You are so level-headed and such a strong woman. I think Sean would be happy if you spoke up about how you are feeling. If he wants to be with you, I think he will understand. Life isn’t always puppies and kittens, you are right. And, I love that you are so true in your posts. Stay happy and healthy! And, happy holidays.
Yes, I remember when me and Sean went through that stage. I was done with school and he wasn’t. It felt like we had two completely lifestyles–it was tough but we worked through that part. Although, looking back, I see all the things I notice that I don’t like now from day 1. I shouldve’ spoken up a long time ago.
Thanks for your comment. Best of luck to you and your boy
Relationships are definitely hard work, and also go in waves I’ve found. Right now its a little bit smooth sailing for me, but we had a rough time a few months ago that lasted for several months. I think once you know you’re both on board to work through it, it helps a lot. Date nights are something we try to do but sometimes life gets in the way, but our one day together is Sunday so we always try to go to church together and make a good dinner, and just hang out and lay low. It’s my favorite day of the week.
Hi Lisa! I’ve been following your blog for awhile now, but after reading this post really felt I should comment. It’s funny, when you started mentioning “personal issues” it was the same day I was having “personal issues” with my boyfriend. I think it’s really part of growing up, figuring out who you are and who you want to be, and I’m so glad that there are others out there experiencing the same type of thing. I think you are so right about relationships looking perfect from the outside, on Facebook, or blogs, or whatever, but you don’t really get to know the real deal of what happens inside those relationships – because usually it’s not all rainbows and roses and smiles!
Girl, totally know where you’re coming from. I have those days where I wonder if I’m in the right relationship — and if I still want the same things in life that I wanted when I entered into it.
I’m praying that you find your right path, and the one that you want, because you deserve it. <33
Stay strong love, I know you will!
Oh, I’m so sorry. I really hope it works out for you, and you and he both find whatever it is you are looking for and need. I think it’s great that you are taking charge and focusing on what you want and need. As clique as it sounds…if it was meant to be, it’ll be
ah, i’ve been thinking about you lady, wondering how you’re doing….and i’m sorry to hear you and your SO aren’t doing well but both are willing to work through this hard time and see how it goes. I hope the best for you beautiful!
and congrats on the A’s!!!
Lisa,
I want to say so much, but honestly, I dont think I can write it all. But to sum it, I get it, and I’m here (text, email, hell even a call away!). Stuff is super thorny right now for me too. But its people like you that remind me that there are some roses.
Congrats on your final! Relationships are extremely hard work. None are “perfect.” You have to work at them. Communication is the key for making a relationship work. My bf and I have our differences. We arugue but we able to work through the issues by being honest with each other and most of the time they are over stupid things. It’s been a learning process living together for the the past year. I think it’s made us stronger. The most important thing is that you need to be happy yourself. If you are not getting what you need from the relationship, then it’s not worth it to put yourself through the pain. I hope things get better for you. Keep your chin up.
I went through something very similar in May that ended with a proposal (that I didn’t accept) in Paris. I had been with him for almost three years (I’m 26) and I was just starting to understand what I wanted for myself. We were in that comfortable stage- nothing was wrong, but something wasn’t right. I’ve found that men are “fixers”- in my case, he proposed to “fix” things. Follow/trust your heart the best you can… that was the hardest thing for me to accept, but 8 months later, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. And, I now know what I want/expect out of my next relationship!
Oh, Lisa….thank you for being honest and forthcoming about what you’re going through. I know you’ve heard a MILLION and two “I’ve been theres,” but I think we all can relate to that type of heartache. I’ve been in your shoes more than once, and it is the hardest to be in because it really involves making a decision that is NOT easy, (Like, if a guy cheated? Yep, he’d be outta there….but if things just don’t feel like what I think I deserve? Well, that’s tough).
Easier said than done, but I know you will follow your heart. My therapist told me years ago that most married couples KNOW (to some extent) that things will not probably work out before they get married, or usually one of the two does. It’s just that most of us push those concerns aside, thinking marriage will make it better and that the other person will change. And it’s just not that way….they always say to take your problems and multiply by 10 – that’s what it’s like after marriage. Anyway, I trust that you will do the “right” thing (whatever that may be), but what I know for SURE is that you will be fine whatever happens, because you are such a strong person. Know that we are ALL here for you, whenever you need to vent/bitch/whatever.
OH! And CONGRATS on your A’s!!! You are a Miss Smartie.
I went through this in my last relationship. It took me a long time to even realize that I wasn’t happy, as weird as that sounds. He tried to change and we tried to work on things, but he just couldn’t change that much, as much as he really did want to because he loved me. So, we ended up breaking up. About a year later, he came back around. He had changed a lot and really did seem ready for a grownup relationship; however, I had moved on and did not want to get back together. My love for him had waned because it took him so long to change. So, I do think people can change, but you have to decide if you are willing to wait around and take the risk that he may or may not change. I am glad that I didn’t wait around and that I did not take him back a year later, because I found another guy that gives me all the things my ex couldn’t.
You have so much going for you that you will be fine either way! I hope you guys can work things out, but sometimes love isn’t enough. You also need to be on the same page with your other priorities.
Good luck and thanks for being honest. Clearly, many of us have been in (or are in) the same boat.
I love you hun! And im so glad you are sticking up for yourself and what you want!
Lady, a rose: Congratulations on your Finals! I know you fought like hell this semester to make sure everything came together. You so deserve every one of those grades.
Thank you for sharing the thorny part of your life with us. It’s hard to read about what you’re going through, but I hope that other readers will be able to share your strength to get their own personal lives in order.
Without sounding too cliche, when Marcus and I are both home, he helps me prepare dinner and we eat it at the table in front of the tv. It’s nice to have that peaceful, mostly unplugged time together.
Hey girl,
I know I’m a bit late reading this post, but I just wanted to let you know that you’re in my thoughts and prayers. I went through a very similar situation a year ago, and after spending several months trying to “work things out” with my boyfriend, we decided that it would be best to break up. And it truly was best. Sure, initially it was HARD and PAINFUL–in fact, I almost went running back to him because I felt so lonely–but ultimately it made me a stronger person and helped clarify what I really want in a relationship. I’m still looking for Mr. Right, but I know that when I do find him, I’ll be able to offer my true, authentic self. (I also felt like I couldn’t express myself fully in past relationships). Being single for a year has enabled me to GROW so much.
I’m praying that you’ll be able to work things out with Sean (even good relationships take tons of work!), but if it does in fact, come to an end, know and trust that everything happens for a reason. Stay strong, Lisa! <3
Hey girl…I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I guessed (but was hoping that I was wrong) that the problems you were having was about your relationship. I agree that relationships take hard work. Everyone always says that Keith and I have the perfect relationship. That is SO easy to say from the outside looking in. While I think our relationship is good it is by no means perfect. We both love one another but we are 2 individuals and we both have to work on our marriage. We view the world differently and it is not always easy. But what makes it all work is love and communication. We talk…a lot. It took me a long time to be comfortable enough with a man to voice my feelings and my opinions. But what makes Keith so great is that I can voice my opinion and feelings and even though he may not always agree with me he still listens and allows me to voice it. Hang in there honey. I am thinking of you…
I’m sorry that you’re going through a rough time
Into every life a little rain must fall though and there will be a rainbow on the other side…whether that be your repaired relationship or a guy who’s really right for you.
As to your question, my boyfriend and I stay close by participating in each other’s interests. I think it’s very important in a relationship not to always have the same interests, but to show your SO that you care about what they care about. This keeps us close and appreciative of each other.
We need to catch up…I’ve been wondering if you talked to him. I’m glad you did…
Congrats on the A’s, Lisa!!! That’s fantastic, and I admire your drive and dedication, that’s for sure!! Those are some hard freaking classes! I remember! Haha.
Paul and I have been together for 4 years and after being together for that long you can begin to slack in the communication department. I’d say that’s something we need to work on. I feel like we’re both always on the go, or when we hang out we watch a movie, or play a game, we haven’t actually sat and talked in awhile, and we decided that’s something we needed to improve in our relationship. I’m glad you’re back, I’ve missed your posts!
Awww girl- so sorry I’m late to comment on your post…but I just wanted to tell you- first : CONGRATS & then that I understand where you are coming from.
Honestly, I’ve been there– with my NOW fiance. It was really hard to be honest & tell him what I really wanted out of our relationship. NOT going to lie- we REALLY struggled at one point, and I ALMOST gave up. But then there was just something about him that I could not give up on. Boy I’m sure glad I didn’t. A few years later, an engagement, and a wedding in a few months- I am SURE glad that I didn’t. We worked on it, we COMMUNICATED with each other- told each other when we were mad or there was something wrong. I think that’s the key- COMMUNICATION. I’m sure you’ve heard that before, but it’s so true. I definitely think you are on the right path- since you already told him you want more out of this relationship. That in itself is a HUGE thing. That means you REALLY do care & you REALLY do want to make it work.
I think you’re one amazing woman & I know that everything will work out in due time!
xoxoxo
Congratulations on the roses. (I loved 500 Days of Summer)
Brent and I have been together for 12 years and I can honestly say that my heart still skips a beat when he walks into the room and he shows me how much he adores me almost every day. However, that doesn’t mean we haven’t had to work on our relationship. We’ve found if things are feeling a bit…I dunno…slow or dull…we need an adventure. There is an article I read once about couples who fill their lives with adventure experience a higher level of “chemistry”. It was like a scientific study where they studied feel good brain waves and stuff. My parents are still madly in love over 35 years later and I know keeping adventure as a regular part of their lives has helped tremendously. I think adventure can be as simple as exploring a new restaurant or part of your town. Unplanned drives out to the country are fun as well. These sort of things always relight the spark Brent and I have for each other.
Congrats on your term! That’s great. As for relationships, well…my husband and I have been together for 16 years and married for 12. My going back to school has meant that our relationship has suffered, unfortunately, because between kids, my school, and his work, there’s just no time to hang out together. Most nights we don’t even go to bed at the same time! Sometimes it just feels like we’re roommates who are really good friends. I know it will get better – we just have to hang in there and make it through to the end of my schooling. We do try to take trips on our own or go out when we can, but those are few and far between. I think I just depressed myself writing this…Oh well. Happy holidays!
One of the big reasons why I love your blog is that you’re honest. I get sick and tired of reading blogs that are all “sunshine and roses.” That’s just not human. You’re real and I appreciate that.
I’m married and have been for 3 years. We’ve been together for over 8. All I can say is that (for me) it is hard. There are so many things I would do differently if I could go back in time. I learned more about myself and gained more confidence and self-worth after we got married and it’s affecting our relationship BIG time. All I can say is if you have any doubts whatsoever in your relationship then take a break and use the time to date other people to learn more about what you want. I REALLY wish I’d done that…really, really, really. I think I jumped into marriage because I didn’t think I’d ever find anyone else – I thought I better do it now otherwise I’ll never get married and have a family. Bad, bad reason. We are doing ok but like I said, it’s hard. I’m so glad you gained that confidence in yourself before getting married.
Oh and I TOTALLY agree with Carlee – don’t ever EVER settle…listen to your intuition and don’t ever think someone will change or that you can change them (especially a guy!) It’s impossible. He will only change if he wants to. On that same note, I think living with a person before marriage is a good thing. How else do you know if you’ll get along well together if you don’t try it first?
I wish you nothing but the best.
Only YOU know what’s right for you and your relationship. We can all share stories and advice but you know your heart. I hope you find your way and it makes you happy.
My bf and I went through a few rough patches this year. We worked through them and the communication of our feelings helped a lot. We came out of the two rough times stronger and honestly despite the pain I *knew* in my heart that he’s the one and I had to stick through the hard times to keep going.
That’s what I mean when I say you’ll KNOW…either way.
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