As you know, I’m recently single. I’ve detailed the whys, whats, whos, hows and I just can’t go over it again.
There is one thing I haven’t mentioned. One thing that really sucks about a breakup.
Change is inevitably hard. I’ve gotten used to my way of life and the people who have been in it for the past 4 years. I got into nice routines and certain people became family. I really think change is the hardest part of a breakup. I know that it is absolutely the best and right thing for me right now.
Man, the unknown is scary.
I did live with him, but thankfully most of “our stuff” was really “my stuff.” There will be no dramatic division of assests or items. It’s a clean,hard, and respectful breakup.
I will have all my dishes, pots n pans, TV, bed, furnuture. I’m losing a DVD player, but that’s replaceable. There’s one thing I’m losing that can never be replaced.
Little Miss Milla.
Me and Sean bought her together when we had been together for about two years. His sister had a mini dachshund and I fell in love. It was love at first sight when we saw Milla. We picked up her tiny little self and she sat on my shoulder the whole ride home. She wanted to be as close to me as possible.
We got her home and she met Eddie for the first time. Eddie towered over her and she slowly crept up to give him a sniff. They’ve been friends ever since.
Sean was still in college at this point, and I was already off being a working woman. We live about 30 minutes apart and he kept her because he had more time to be with her, train her, and just get close to her. I came up to visit him a few times a week and loved every minute with her.
She was such a ferocious little thing. She loved to play and be chased throughout the house. She always thought she was bigger than she really was and was never afraid to take on a challenge…aka a bigger dog.
She often got into mischief as well. Particularly the time she swallowed a condom and then pooped it out causing the most embarrassing moment of my life.
She was also sweet and always wanted to be near you. She loved burying herself under blankets. She would peek her head out after awhile and breathe heavy because she would get so hot underneath the blankets she twisted up.
Sure, I guess I owe claim to Milla since I did pay half for her. It just wouldn’t be right if I kept her.
She’s much more Sean’s dog. He raised her, he cleaned up a messy crate, and she loves him. I’m not ashamed to say that she loves him more than me. Sure, she loves me. However, when me and Sean are both home she will always be by his side and not mine. Just like Eddie is always by my side.
I will miss her so much. The past month I’ve spent so much time cuddling up with her, petting her, loving her, and walking her. I know that Moving Day will be so hard. I’ll miss Milla and all the fun times we had with her.
I’ll miss this nightly routine we’ve created.
However, losing Milla is a necessary in order to pursue the life I know I want. Hard, but true.
I told Sean that if he ever goes on vacation then I get to babysit her. I fully intend on getting some visitation rights as well. Maybe a week here or a week there.
What’s the worst thing you’ve lost in a breakup?
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Aww I’m sorry you have to say goodbye to Milla! I hope you get to see her a lot. Luckily I’ve never really lost anything in a break-up. My one ex did get a king sized bed frame from me, but he gave me like $200 for it.
Kelly recently posted..A Singing Puppy
AW this breaks my heart
I have been very upfront with my last boyfriend and my current boyfriend…all pets acquired before and during the relationship, are MINE in the custody agreement.
I’m so sorry that you can’t see Milla everyday anymore
At least you know she will be happy and hopefully you will get to see her every now and then.
Stephanie @ The Cookie Battle recently posted..Happy Valentines Day
Yeah. Lesson learned–don’t buy a pet will someone until you are married. I’ll miss her so much. but I KNOW she will be happier with Sean. She loves him SO much. And I know Sean would be heartbroken if she wasn’t with him. It’s the best thing for everyone, dog included.
Oh that just breaks my heart. What a sweet sweet face. I’ve never been in a relationship that was serious enough (living together, owning things together) other than my marriage. My sister recently went through a divorce and she lost so much, including their dog.
Heather (Where’s the Beach) recently posted..Vegan Valentines Dinner Recap & Roasted Tomato & Garlic Soup
Aw!!! I know how much you love that little cutie pup. I hope you guys can work something out to where you can still play and visit her regularly.
Tina @ Faith Fitness Fun recently posted..A Treat Of A Day
This is my absolute biggest fear. I’d die without my animals. Truly.
It’s great that you guys are on good terms and you’ll be able to continue seeing Milla!
Shanna, like Banana recently posted..Shoes-Day!
awww, that is tough!!! Hopefully you can work something out where you can definitely see her every so often! Change is soo hard and adapting to a new life. Hang in there!
girl, I feel like we are going through our breakups together! simultaneously, yes, but I love that you have the guts to blog about this.
too many of my ex’s friends (and my ex) read my blog, so I just don’t have the heart to address it. I don’t know where to start, ya know?
ANYWAY, I agree. change is the absolute worst part of the long-term breakup. I hate the meals alone, the change of friends (all our friends were fellow couples, so I’m kind of shunned now), the lonely sleeps…
but I don’t know what I’d do if I had to give up my Chloe. she was a birthday present from my parents right after the breakup, so she’s totally mine, but my heart really goes out to you for having to give up your little Milla. especially with how precious she is!
I’m proud of you. you’re doing what you know is the best thing for you, even though it may be the hardest.
Alyssa @ Life of bLyss recently posted..Muzak on the Blog- a PB Overload- & The Bachelor
It’s fine that you don’t talk about it on your blog. IT’s a personal decision that every blogger has to make ya know? Sometimes It makes me feel a little uneasy putting it all out there…I never want to hurt anybody. BUT, I mean, this is so much of my life right now that I’m not sure I’d know how to not blog about it if that makes sense. Anyways.
I know what you mean about the friends. Many of my girlfriends are his friends wives, fiances or girlfriends. I’m thankful though that it will all work out with us and that we can stay friends bc I’d hate to lose some of those girls.
Milla is adorable! My ex and I were going to buy a Shiba Inu puppy together, and discussed it for YEARS…now, I am sooo happy we didn’t because I can’t imagine having to decide who gets doggie in the breakup. Months later, I finally got my own Husky pup…definitely helped with the healing process, and they are a TON of work, so he keeps me occupied! And of course, it feels so nice to have done something entirely on my own, and to be fully responsible for my little Koda. So it is great that you have Eddie!!
Worst thing about our breakup, and I’m STILL feeling it to this day, over ten months later? Losing his family…I’ve known them for over ten years, so we still talk from time to time, but not at all like when I spent most holidays and vacations with them for almost 5 years. I was truly a part of their huge, quirky, amazing family…it still breaks my heart that his mama will always view me as a daughter but I will never be.
But honestly, the amazing fam CANNOT be enough to keep me in a not-so-great relationship. Just not enough!
Oh….and the “change” thing? Same. That is for sure the hardest part….time apart from his family included.
AW! I love Huskies. I recently went dog sledding in Colorado and we were pulled by Huskies. it was such an amazing experience. They are beautiful dogs.
I’m so thankful I still have Eddie. He has been my man for a long long time and he always makes me smile. And you are so right about the family. When you are dealing with a not-so-great relationship, I dont think there is much that should keep you there ya know?
Awww I feel so badly for you in this situation!!!!
I’ve had this happen twice, with the two kittens mike and I took in and when I left howie I lost our entire zoo. While the pugs I was fine with, the two of the three cats I had really loved and miss them terribly.
Becca recently posted..Hunger- I Has It
We will always have our Fritz and Eddie though.
can’t you steal her? i’d do it for you. haha. also, it’s time to go buy “why men love bitches.” i’m not even kidding. get to the store NOW. i started it last night and i am really starting to understand things..all the while laughing hysterically at the book. it’s so good.
christina recently posted..What I’m Wondering Wednesday
oh and don’t take that as me saying you neeeeed that book. i just thought you might be interested in it. it is awesome.
christina recently posted..What I’m Wondering Wednesday
My mom bought that for Christmas for me back in 2008!!!!!!! (Which coincidently, is right around the time I met my current boyfriend) At first I was offended, but after I read it… it’s so true! And it’s hilarious!! And I highly recommend it
Allison @ Happy Tales recently posted..Half-marathon next weekend Sure- sign me up!
haha. Funny you say that. My old roommate used to have that book and I was in Barnes and Noble about two weekends ago—it is pretty funny and has some great pointers. I think, like anything, you shouldn’t take some of those pointers TOO far but man…most of them are spot on.
Oh no! That is so hard. You are definitely a good person for willingly giving her up because you know she’s closer to your ex. Maybe in a few months you can find a puppy of just your own.
Milla is so darn cute.. It is super hard with an animal in a break up.. I know i missed Beans TONS when his dad and i stopped dating.. My heart still hurts a little when i think of him..
Marlo recently posted..Not enough hours in a day
Oh man, I totally teared up reading this
I’m so sorry, Lisa! Eddie will be getting some extra loving for sure!
Oh my gosh- sad.
Milla is absolutely adorable though… and I am sure that is going to be SO hard. I’m sorry!
I read your post on breaking up (and wrote a long comment about it and then I got an error message and it deleted the whole thing… frustration…) but it was hard to read since it mirrored what I am going through now… I live with my bf and have been for 3 years, where I am the GIVER and he is the taker.
You have actually inspired me or at least shown me that things can be better- WE deserve a love that is reciprocal… and we can find it. Also, you are helping me get one step closer to being ok with breaking up or moving out… I’m trying. (soooooo hard.)
Lori,
I’m sorry about the stupid blog issues. The server hasn’t been working and an error message comes up a lot. SO annoying. Hopefully it will work again better.
I think it’s good that you are starting to think about what you deserve and what you are getting. It took me years to even get to that point to be able to even just THINK about it. Eventually, it just became too much and I knew it would never be what I really wanted it to be.
I’m glad my story has been helping you. Just keep at it and remember what you want! OH, and feel free to email me whenever if you just need to vent!
I know how you feel! I miss Trixie a lot. She is much more Ryan’s dog than mine, but she loved me and I loved her and I wish I could kiss her little snout right now. I am definitely tearing up from this post.
Alina @ Duty Free Foodie recently posted..Day Before Big Chocolate Sale
My breakup losses have always been emotional, rather than tangible. But I can definitely relate to missing certain people that came as a “package deal” with the relationship. I miss families & pets of some exes–a lot more than I thought I would, actually! So sorry you have to lose Milla.
That’s the kind of unexpected hurt of a breakup that just seems really unfair.
I know 100% how you feel. When me and my long term boyfriend broke up we also had purchased a dachshund together. She was a longhaired little girl named Abby. Unfortunatly my breakup was not clean. It was dirty and he made it clear that he was keeping Abby. My relationship was abusive and at that point it was more about my safety than anything else. I left Abby with him. He loved that dog so much and would never hurt her so I knew she would be safe. And then the unthinkable happened. She ran outside in-between his legs one day and ran directly into the street where she was hit by a car. She died. He called me and told me and I can’t help but to think that if I had fought harder for her she would still be alive today.
aw kelly. What a sad story
. I’m so sorry.
Aww, this made my heart hurt for you.
I’m glad that you at least have a plan in place with vacations and visiting. Change is so hard, especially when it involves people (and living things) not being a part of your life anymore. Each day will be a little easier.
I think the worst thing I lost in a breakup was my best friend. We were just two peas in a pod, but I knew that the relationship wasn’t right for us and I had to call things off. I missed having my buddy around and I truly loved him….I always will.
Kim @ Imperfectly Perfect recently posted..A Day Full of “B”s
Hi Lisa, I’m one of those random sort of new still people who reads your blog. I’m sorry to hear about Milla and I hope you get to visit her often. the part that you wrote “However, losing Milla is a necessary in order to pursue the life I know I want. Hard, but true” is sad to hear but also invigorating to see you know what you want. To be able to make that happen, wow it makes a strong person and that is so admirable.
In my past relationship he already had 2 dogs but we got a mini doxie together but if I had to part with her I wouldve had my heart ripped out. Roxy is my heart so I’m glad to have her with me. I pretty much left an entire house worth of stuff: couches, kitchen items, towels, sheets..everything. I didn’t want to leave him with nothing but in turn I had nothing. 5 years later and I’m fine..and so is Roxy
I didn’t know you got a blog! I remember you commenting, but I never knew you had a blog! how exciting. Just put you in my reader! What color is Roxy? I bet she is adorable.
Ohhh my goodness she is SO CUTE! I die!
The ‘worst’ thing I have ever lost in a breakup…which is not even close or comparable to having to part with a sweet puppy
…was my senior prom. My boyfriend at the time and I broke up one day before it — which was also one day before my birthday — and I didn’t want to go through the hassle of rearranging ALL of my plans so I just sold my ticket, donated my dress and cut my losses. Kinda sucks though, there’s only two occasions in your post-First-Communion life when you get to wear a poufy dress…Prom and your wedding! LOL!
Leaving Milla behind is going to be so hard. Shes such a cute little thing! At least you and Sean are ending things amicably, so you wont be banned from her or anything. Still, its such a sad situation. I dont know what I would do without my dog. She pretty much just has to live forever.
Well, now you can get your own dog
MelissaNibbles recently posted..Pleasure Diet- Healing
Eventually, I know it
. It’s just not a good time. Too many unknowns. I’ve actually been thinking of adopting an adult cat 
.
Aw, you are making me tear up! That is very sad, but hopefully you will get to see her lots. Losing a dog is one of the worst break-up losses I could imagine!!
Rachel @ The Avid Appetite recently posted..Dessert Before Dinner
I lost my dog in a break up too. I paid for her, though we got her together. I took care of her every night while he went out with friends. I singlehandedly potty trained the fully grown dog (we got her from a shelter) which was insanely difficult. He would have fought me if I tried to take her, I know that. And as much of a complete jerk as he was/is, I know that he’ll take good care of her. I just wish I’d been able to take her with me. I just didn’t have a way to get her to NY or anywhere to send her while I went to France. I still miss her. And my ex and I are not on good terms so I don’t get “visitation”. I’m not sure I would have been able to handle seeing him at that time anyway.
Ugh, I am so sorry. I know you bonded with that dog since you PUT the sweat and time into her. I’m so sorry. It all works out though doesn’t it?
Breaking up just sucks. It’s like a broken pinky toe – you can’t do anything to fix it except wait it out. I broke up with my last boyfriend almost 5 years ago, and it was emotional because it was a huge risk. I was choosing someone else (my now-fiance) over him. It was tough. But things have a great way of working themselves out as long as you just stick with it
I hope it gets better soon.
I love hearing success stories of women who broke up with their partner only to find something better. Thanks for commenting!
oh, gosh. sorry, this just made me cry.
I know it’s the best thing, but I also know how you’ll miss her and I’m SO sorry… I went through the same thing once – my boyfriend in college and I had Caesar, The Greatest Cat In The World… when we broke up he took the cat, because I moved into a place that didn’t allow animals. I got to see him frequently since our breakup was “friendly”, but it was really hard… and then he moved to get his MBA and I used to say “Caesar moved to pursue higher education”
sorry, my friend. <3 XXO
Kristina @ spabettie recently posted..Happy Birthday Oregon!
I figured you might take this harder than others because of our shared love for Doxies. You better keep Miss Milla on your Doxie page!
aw I am so sorry:(
Jess@atasteofconfidence recently posted..Flashback Friday
I’m so sorry to hear that you have to seperate from Milla. I had to go through the same thing almost 4 years ago when I broke up with my ex. We had bought a cute little beagle puppy, who I loved to pieces, but when we broke up I knew that I couldn’t be the one to keep her. I had just started a new job in the city and commuted 2 hours each way, so I wouldn’t have had the time to train her properly. It was heartbreaking, but I’m glad that I did it for both the dog and myself. Now I have a wonderful little Carolina/Chihuahua mix named Whiskey who I rescued when I was ready to have a dog of my own. He’s cuddly and wonderful and all mine
Amanda – Small Home Big Start recently posted..Spaghetti Squash Frittata
First of all, love your dogs name. Whiskey. So cute
. Second, thanks for commenting and coming by! I’m glad that you were able to do what was best for the dog–which, in the end, really is the most important thing ya know?
I hated to see this – what a bad casualty. So good that you could mutually agree on who she should end up with, but I hate that she won’t be in your life as much anymore. I’m sorry!!! Hang in there, missy!
fittingbackin recently posted..My Third Anniversary- Three Reasons Why Wednesday- Pupper Pics
So sorry to hear about this. I remember that video of the pups – love it!
I agree with what some others have said – you’ll get your own pup in time and all of this crappy stuff you’re feeling and dealing with is leading to something free of heartache and too wonderful to even know yet! xoxo
Caitlin recently posted..Horizons
Aw she is so cute! I fortunately haven’t lost anything in a breakup except a little dignity, maybe? I was too young in my previous relationships to have anything invested into them.
Grace recently posted..Holiday
Oh she is so cute, that must be so hard. I can really understand the ‘change of routine’ that comes with a break-up, changing the way you did things, who you hung out with, etc.
Katie @ peacebeme recently posted..Mr Harley
I’m so sorry. She is a cutie! I saw this quote and thought of you. I know you keep a book of inspiring quotes.
“It’s better to be unhappy alone, then to be unhappy with someone” – Marilyn Monroe
Oh, I couldn’t agree more. The worst part of a break-up for me has always been all of the CHANGES. The fear of the loss of friends, “the other” family, traditions, and routines often forces people to stay in relationships that they have no business being in. HUGE props to you for not letting this fear prevent you from making the right choice.
Sorry about Milla! I think you certainly get some visitation rights and it sounds like you guys are able to work that out, which is awesome!
Hang in there!
I’m so sorry Lisa (I lost my doggie to a break up too – my parents, not my own). She looks lovely, but you still made the best decision and I know you know that. Sean will give her a good home. I’m sorry he couldn’t do the same for you but you are AMAZING. Don’t you dare forget that girl!
Susan recently posted..Back to journaling and some eats
ugh. i’m so sorry. i can’t even imagine parting with eloise. that was one of the reason i specifically bought her and paid for EVERYTHING so that she will always be MINE. i hope the separation goes as well as it can
carin recently posted..high hopes
When I was 24, I got a divorce from someone I’d been with for six years. I lost everything. My house, my cars, my savings account, my furniture, my cat. I felt guilty because all I wanted was my freedom and all he wanted was me, so I gave him everything I had (it was all 100% MINE). The hardest thing was my cat. I saw him a couple times, but not often. It was very difficult for me, but just like in your situation, leaving the cat was definitely the right decision. I wouldn’t have had the time to devote to him and he would have hated living in apartments, etc.
Milla is a sweetie pie. I’m sorry you have to give her up. <3
Jasmine recently posted..What is Your Greatest Dream
wow. I just went back and read your break up story. Im almost shocked how much I felt what you said. It almost mirrors what I said here: http://givinganythingbutup.wordpress.com/2010/06/26/speak/
Towards the end, I first found myself wondering in silent moments “what if”. I wanted so much to know what else was out there. Was this really it? Was this really all my life was going to be forever? If that wasnt red-flg worthy enough, I found myself going to sleep at night with the words “I cant do this anymore” popping in my head out of nowhere. They would repeat themselves over and over.
I know it sounds cliche and I know you have probably heard it lots, but you never truly realize how much your world opens when you step out of something. Im almost in tears writing this because it occured to me how much I would have missed out on if I had stayed. Just since August there have been so many more moments of passion, excitement. Everyone deserves to always have those butterflies. Yes, you are right, it may seem scary now, but scary can easily be mistaken. Think excitment. Endless opportunity.
You have so much life ahead of you- and as Elizabeth Gilbert said “You are the administrator to your own rescue”. No one should be a spectator to their own life.
You are marvelous. You deserve the world. Dont ever forget that.
xo-Molly
aww so sorry about little miss milla, but you will of course see her again, and like you said, this breakup seems extrmely civil on both ends, so you can visit whenever!
I have never been in that serious of a relationship with anyone that I lost something I truly wanted or was sad about…I can imagine your hurt now, but I love your outlook about moving on and this is just one more piece to that puzzle
hang in there, Lisa! xox
that’s so devastating for you. the best part though is that milla has a love story that doesn’t end. so many times, doggies are abandoned but milla has a mom and a dad that love her to the mood and back
allison marie recently posted..This Omnivores Dilemma
Such a cute little dog! Hang in there, Lisa. Break-ups can be tough, but you did it for the right reasons and it will all work out.
Jo recently posted..Decisions- Decisions
Oh my goodness! Those photos are so precious. I’m sorry that you have to leave Milla, but I really admire your outlook on it!
Dorry recently posted..Good Runnings
Oh my god, she is so tiny and precious. I love her and Eddie together in that video and in the picture!
I’ve never had to lose a pet via breakup and think that would break my heart even more.
Tiffany @ Simply Shaka recently posted..Free antioxidants
ah, i’m sorry you’re going to miss milla…i’m sure she was such a great puppy. but you’ve still got your other puppy!
Melissa @ TryingToHeal recently posted..One Of Those…
Oh my gosh, I got all choked up over this post. I know how animals become part of the family and I can’t imagine having to lose one due to a break-up. So sad! But at least you know she’s being well-taken care of… And I hope you get those visitation rights!
Nicole recently posted..You Know You’re Tired When…
Awww, she is so freaking cute I can’t stand it! That next to the last pic with her head tilted is precious!
I’m recently single as well and it is amazing how much change can affect you. I just got used to my life being a certain way and including certain people and activities and I felt like that all got ripped out from under me when I got divorced. It’s been 6 months and I still have my days where I wish I could go back and pretend it didn’t happen…but that wouldn’t help anything.
The worst thing I lost was in this breakup and it was my self-respect. I allowed myself to be taken advantage of and lied to all because I didn’t want to accept the truth that the man I feel in love with did not love me anymore. I went from thinking my life was going along in the perfect order: marriage, house buying, thinking about children, to dividing assets, saying goodbye to family gatherings with the inlaws, and learning how to live alone for the first time in my life. I am just now getting to the point where I can appreciate the journey I have been forced to make. If my life hadn’t taken this unexpected direction, I might have continued living a life that wasn’t completely my own in the shell of a person that I thought was me.
I think I’ve learned more about myself in the last 6 months than I have in my 26 years on this Earth and I continue to learn more everyday!
Heather recently posted..What I Ate Wednesday- Raw Oat Groats & Tricky Tempeh
Oh, my heart hurts. I shared a dog with my ex. It was a very, very brutal battle as to who got to keep her. We would trade off, he would break into my house and steal her (no lie) and eventually she was hit by a car on his watch. It was the worst thing ever. I think that your decision, while hard, is probably for the best. Love you.
I stumbled upon your blog back when you posted on Julie’s blog PBFINGERS in regards to relationships, and today i found myself going back to it and then stalking your blog
i am in the process of trying to let go of a relationship and it is the hardest thing of my life. We have been together 4 1/2 years, own a house, and have 3 dogs together. One of which is his and I will miss but am ok with, one is mine, and one is both of ours. Im going to have to leave two beghind and its breaking my heart. Sometimes I dont know if I can go through with this solely because of my baby girl 
It’s hard, but just try to remember the reasons behind all of it and hopefully that will get you through. Hugs to you!
ooo this post speaks to me right about now
Im losing two pets…whom Ive adopted with my now ex gf… I love those boys and they grew up so fast…. Matchbox is a germanshepard/husky and hes a little bundle of energy… Stormy my little black tantrum (cat) is my baby….unfortuantly…they are both under my ex’s name considering you have to be a certain age to adopt…. the break up was ugly and i get no visitation rights with my boys…they were the reason i stayed with my ex for 3 years…. i worry about them none stop and love them with my whole heart . they can never be replaced and i will have to deal with the hurt of feeling like i abandoned them all my life…
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