Guest Post: Susan from The Great Balancing Act

I’ve been reading Susan since about the first day that I started blogging. Amazingly, she hasn’t missed one day of blogging since her time on her blog. It’s a good thing because I love her blog….especially her “Things I learned this month” features. She just had surgery on her elbow and her attitude towards life and change amazes and inspires me everyday! Welcome Susan to Okieland!

Hello Okie fans! My name is Susan and I come from a little piece of the internet called The Great Balancing Act. I blog a lot about food and fitness, but most importantly my quest to live a healthy, happy, balanced life.

The thing I love about Lisa’s blog is that she writes about this quest as well. Even more, she’s honest about all the ups and downs along the way.

When I offered up a guest post, Lisa gave me only one instruction: “I’d just like it to be something that you are interested in and passionate about.”

I’m passionate about many topics. But in keeping with the honest theme Lisa has established for her blog, I’m going to talk about something many people are scared to address.

Living with a social anxiety disorder.

I was first diagnosed at the age of 15. After dropping out of school because of constant panic attacks in halls and in the classroom, I was told I had a mild form of agoraphobia. That’s the one where people are afraid to leave the house. The doctor put me on Paxil and I started seeing a psychologist once a week.

Embarrassing high school photos are the best!

To be honest, the drugs helped a lot. Physically, they made me feel weird. But mentally they helped me see that I could be normal and relaxed in social situations. They helped me talk to strangers and go to the mall on a busy day. After 6 months I went off medication and started the life-long process of learning how to deal with my anxiety and panic attacks on my own.

Here are what my symptoms of anxiety look like. However, they vary person to person.

• Stuttering and problems with speech when talking to strangers.
• Increased heart rate, sweat, dizziness, uncontrollable shaking in crowds or groups of people.
• Lump in my throat, want to cry for no reason.
• Short of breath, sometimes full-blown hyperventilating. This is my biggest issue when having a panic attack.
• Vomiting. Yes, I’ve gone there.
• Avoidance. Sometimes I just think “get me out of here NOW.” My instincts kick in and I feel like horrible things will happen unless I leave.
• Depression. Not wanting to leave the house is a very sad thing.

It has now been 10 years since my diagnosis. I’m happy to say that I’m a pretty normal functioning member of society. I’m constantly challenging my disorder to learn what I’m capable of. I’ve been able to achieve some pretty cool things despite my ugly friend.

However, my social anxiety will always be present in every aspect of my life. I will never be “cured” of it. Instead, I’ve learned my limits and coping mechanisms to get me through each day unscathed. It’s not perfect. I still occasionally have debilitating panic attacks. But they at least help me to live a life similar to someone with no disorder at all.

• Be honest. I often get misjudged for being stuck up because I don’t talk very much. I’ve learned to be direct about how shy and nervous I am around people, and they always understand.
• Know my limits. I worked as a reporter for two years that pushed me into scary social situations everyday. I was attracted to it because it challenged me, but in the end it was just too much. I was miserable and left for a job with more appropriate social interactions for me.
• Listen to my gut. Some days I am just inexplicably more anxious than others. I know going out could lead to disaster (ie panic attack!). It’s days like these that I’ll cancel party plans and stay at home.
• Live life. I cannot, will not, let my disorder keep me cooped up all day. I am always challenging it. There is nothing more satisfying than coming out of a scary social situation on top
• Exercise. Sweat. Endorphins. Physical challenge. I feel so much more relaxed after.
• Talking it out. When I was teenager, it was my psychologist. These days it’s mostly my mom. It’s really important for me to have someone there to talk to when I’m feeling anxious. They help talk me down and give me some perspective.

My social anxiety disorder is present in everything I do in life. It’s behind many of the decisions to make. At one point I was embarrassed about it and didn’t want anyone to know. These days I embrace it. I’ll tell anyone about it. In the process, I’ve found several people just like me who say my honesty about it has helped them feel more normal.

I’m also living proof that agoraphobia doesn’t mean the end to all fun things in life. Through proper management, it has only helped me appreciate the amazing life I have.

That means risks. Best friends. Learning. Successes. Mistakes. Days in bed. Days exploring busy city streets. And belly laughs. Lots and lots of belly laughs.

Everyone experiences bouts of anxiety and fear. This is mine. And this is me telling you it doesn’t have to rule you.

Thank you Lisa for letting me stop by! You can find me every day of the week at http://thegreatbalancingact.com or on Twitter! See ya there!