Before I get into this heavy topic today, I have two pieces of good news to share.
- I got a 100 on my first Unit Quiz for a course
- I got a 93 on my first real Nursing Exam.
Yes, it’s nonstop. Yes, it can suck at times. Is it do-able? Yes.
I have been wanting to share my thoughts on this topic for a long time as it does hit very close to home for me. I’ve just never gotten around to it.
However, today I saw a little bit of news that reminded me that I needed to share my story with this topic.
Suicide.
I was reading a serious news source today, Perez Hilton, when I saw that Amber from Teen Mom attempted to commit suicide. She was found unconscious with a rope around her neck. Reading this news made me incredibly sad. Not because I have some great connection or respect for Amber, but it reminds me of some very scary times in my life.
Suicide has been an all too common occurence in my life. Unfortunately, people close to me in my life have either committed suicide or attempted it.
I was only about 6 years old when I first experienced the terror of suicide. I was sitting in the living room on the couch when I heard huge noises coming from my brother’s room…sounds of his yelling and loud voice and glass breaking.
My heart rate spiked when I looked up to see my brother throwing televisions, computers and anything he could find. He was yelling in agony, anger, and despair. Before I could yell for my mother, he had ran into the bathroom and locked the door.
He was frantically opening medicine bottles and swallowing pill after pill. We could hear the pills hitting the counter. Unfortunately, we couldn’t get into the room. My dad was desperately trying to bust down the door to no avail. My mother and I called 911 then ran next door to get the neighbor.
My father and the neighbor were able to break down the door. The next thing I saw was terrifying to me. It was my brother, acting like an insane person, cussing and trying to hit my father. He was angry. He was scared. And he was hurting.
The police came, the ambulance came, and I stood with my mother…crying and confused. Thankfully, my brother was not successful in his mission. He spent a month away at a treatment center to get help.
I got a hard lesson about life that day. I learned that it’s not always roses and sunshine. I learned that people have problems they don’t feel like they can handle. I learned that sometimes people just don’t want to deal with their problems…and sadly, that’s their way out. I learned that reaching out to people and actually talking to them can make a world of a difference.
Sadly, my experience doesn’t end there. I had one of my gymnastics coaches commit suicide by shooting himself right in the head. He was such a happy go lucky guy. He was someone who you never would’ve thought had those issues or those thoughts. He learned how to put on a good front.
My stepsisters mother committed suicide. She left three daughters on this earth with no mother. It was there I learned how devastating suicide can be for the families.
My brother attempted suicide again two years ago. It was a terrifying day. He deals with depression and doesn’t handle it very well…however, he has learned that suicide is not the answer. He now knows when he gets those dark thoughts to talk to someone and reach out.
Have I ever thought of attempting suicide? No. I’ve thought that sometimes it would just be nice to not have to deal with whatever it was at hand. However, I always attempt to recognize all the beautiful things in my life…even at my lowest points.
I don’t have any answers when it comes to suicide. I do know that most people, like my brother, don’t really want to die. They just want help, but don’t know how to ask for it.
One million people each year die from suicide. It’s hard to understand why, but people can be in so much pain that they see no other way.
I know am much more able to recognize the warning signs of suicide. Even if they are subtle, they are usually always there. It can be as little as someone saying they feel hopelessness.
The one thing that my experience has taught me is to pay attention to people in your life. Be there for them. Listen to them. Let them know you are always there for them. You never know when they might need it. Suicidal people will often say they don’t need help, but just keep knocking. You never know what that might mean for them.
If you want to know more information about suicide prevention, how to spot the warning signs, or how to talk to a suicidal person, then just read here. There’s some great information on that site.
I know that this wasn’t the most upbeat of posts, but these events have affected me and my life deeply. I can still remember that moment with my brother like it was yesterday. It was probably one of the scariest moments of my life…and because of that I have a deep compassion for those feeling that level of despair.
Everyone has moments of darkness in their lives. Everyone has those black holes and those scary places. Some people just get stuck in them and don’t know how to can’t get out. They can’t see a way to get out. That’s where friends and family come in. It’s our job to be there for the people we love, no matter what kind of dark place they may be in.
I don’t believe that suicide is selfish. I believe that suicide is desperation and hopelessness.
Have you ever had to deal with suicide in your life?
I’ll be back with a sunshine and roses post tomorrow, promise.
{ 65 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post – you handled such a heavy topic so gracefully. I have had to deal with suicide in the past. When I was a freshman in high school, we had a fellow student kill himself (he was a junior) for unknown reasons. A few years ago, my cousin’s uncle committed suicide. Just last year, my mom’s cousin committed suicide. Having gone through some bouts of depression myself (without suicidal thoughts), I can definitely see how people just wouldn’t know a person’s troubles unless he/she shared them with others. No one would have ever thought I struggled with anything unless I let on. Outside I was such a happy go lucky person, but it wasn’t until a few months ago where I felt that way on the inside as well.
Such a great post. I had to deal with suicide for the first time two and a half years ago when my uncle took his own life, leaving a son aspiring to be a professional baseball player and a daughter about to be married. my mom still has a hard time with it to this day and it breaks my heart. it’s never an easy thing to deal with, whether you’re the one being affected or knowing someone who has been affected.
Do you remember what you said to me that night after all the chaos was over? I to was freaked out but wanted to make sure you understood what was going on, I told you that your brother’s brain was sick and he needed to go to the Dr. for a while. I talked about all the stuff that was destroyed. You said to me at the age of 5 “Mommy we can get new stuff but I only have one bubba and he will be okay”. I will never forget that. You were a wise little girl:)
I don’t remember that…I just remember that it was a very scary night.
I’ve never had to deal with suicide with a close family member or friend, but there have been quite a few people I know of that unfortunately have. It’s such a terrible thing and a scary feeling. That someone would feel that alone and helpless.
Wonderful reminder to love those around us and keep an eye on how everyone is doing.
Wow, this was a really great post. It was a bit heavy (especially since I just came from writing that lighthearted post about the cat trapped in the suitcase for three days), but definitely thought provoking and very well-written.
I have only had one person I know ever commit suicide, our neighbour’s son who I knew because he helped my parents out with landscaping. I was 10 when it happened, and I wasn’t close to him. He was 18 years old, and super attractive (I had a crush on him), but that was all I really knew about him. I remember just being extremely confused, and wondered why anyone would want to take their own life? It was such a foreign concept to me.
I think there is always a better answer than suicide…and I am so glad to hear that your brother has worked through it and turned out okay.
I haven’t dealt with it directly — but my younger sister had a friend commit suicide in high school. I remember getting the call (I lived at home at the time and we still had a landline) from another one of their friends — he had found the friend and was absolutely hysterical. It was such a sad day.
I really love and respect how honest you are in your posts, life is not always perfect and we all have challenges to deal with – why we all try to hide it I really don’t know. Why do we never discuss suicide? We all hear about gun safety and worry about gun violence, but the number one cause of death by firearm is suicide. Where are the PSA’s for that?
I’ve known a number of people who have commited suicide or attempted suicide and can count myself among them. As a teenager I made a few attempts.. and part of it was feeling alone, like I was the only one dealing with those feelings. If we were all more honest, maybe I wouldn’t have felt that way. So thank you for posting this, and I hope it creates some helpful discussions
I remember one night where I was feeling the lowest of the low…i wasnt near the thought of suicide at all, but I instinctively thought to reach out to someone and called one of my brothers (who i wasnt super close to at the time) and just let it all out to him. I often wonder where I might be if I didnt take that step.
I also realize that a lot of people wont take that step–so its up to us to try to make sure everyone in our lives is doing good.
(Glad you are ok now)
Congrats on your awesome test scores!
Thanks for posting on this topic, too. It’s a hard subject, but important to consider. My step-father committed suicide last month. We weren’t close, but it was still very hard to deal with his death and all of the feelings it brought up for me. I, too, deal with depression, but I’ve never contemplated ending my own life. I just don’t think I could do that to those I love after seeing how my step-father’s choice affected everyone around him.
I don’t think Suicide is selfish. It’s the ultimate hopelessness and pain. I have a close friend who attempted suicide last year. He felt his situation was hopeless. My heart bleeds just thinking about it. I’m sorry you’ve been through this so much. I think one of the hardest things is wanting to help and not being able to.
This is such a great post. When I was in fifth grade, “the favorite” school janitor committed suicide. He was such a great guy- all the kids called him by his first name, he would buy lunch for kids if they forgot their money or lunchbox, and his wife even appeared at school often, as well. I remember feeling so confused and sad when I heard the news- the school counselor came in and talked to all of our classes, because he was such a big influence in all of our lives.
Hi Lisa,
Thank you for this honest and strong post. I am so sorry to hear about your brother, both times must have of course been terrifying and beyond emotional. I am glad you were able to learn something from this though, and now you have the ability to help people and recognize when they are asking for help themselves.
My step-father committed suicide when I was 18 by shooting himself in the head. He had been suffering with depression for his entire adult life and could no longer see a way out. He left behind his daughter, my step sister, my mom, brothers and me. He had pretty much ruined our family prior to this, and the whole thing was very devastating. I still think of him often and can not really understand how be believed there was truly no other way out…
Hi Lisa,
I am a new reader and firstly (on a happy note!) I love your blog! I can really relate to you in many ways…I am just out of college trying to make sense of my life, dealing with transitions, etc… and your blog definitely gives me some perspective and insight!
Thanks so much for this post. Suicide has always been a very scary thing to think about for me. My dad is bipolar and had to be hospitalized over the holidays… my parents recently divorced and I think he just got extremely lonely and depressed over that time. It was hard for me to handle because I knew that he must have had suicidal thoughts if his psychiatrist suggested he go to a hospital. I am thankful, though, that he got help and was able to overcome it.
Can’t wait to keep reading!!
Mallory
My stepsisters mother was bipolar and I know that can make things that much more difficult. Just remember to always be there for him. I am glad he got some help as well!
Congrats on being done with college! This is the time of your life where some big changes and tough moments will occur. Hold on tight because it’s going to be a fun ride.
Wow, Lisa, thank you so much for posting this. I am so sorry to hear about everything that you have had to go through…I cannot imagine what that must be like. My mom threatened committing suicide a couple of years ago after she and my dad got divorced…she left me a message basically saying a short goodbye- it was terrifying. Thankfully she has gotten help, but she still has some dark days and I’m always trying to listen to her even when I don’t want to hear what she is saying. I am new to the blogging world, and I think it is so amazing that you are able to write about something this emotional and challenging and have so many people respond with support!
Wow–I can’t imagine hearing that from my mother. I am glad she got help, and I am even “more glad” (horrible phrasing, I know) that you are willing to be there for her!
Welcome to the blogging world! I will make sure and stop on by when I can!
Thank you! You are one of my inspirations
Excellent post Lisa. Thank you for posting about a topic many people avoid talking about.
Suicide has affected me both personally and professionally, and much too recently for comfort as well. I take pride in being able to get through the blackest moments anyone should ever have to see because of the network of amazing people I have around, who even without knowing just how bad it was, knew that I needed them in a way I never had.
I also know that my ongoing struggles with my own mental illness will make me a better worker when I finally start work in the field. Although I don’t think you can ever *truly* understand how another person is feeling, empathy is a powerful tool.
So incredibly sad. A friend of mine’s husband committed suicide last week, and I’ve been thinking about it constantly. I also had a couple of friends in college to did the same thing…it makes me sick to think about the people they’ve left behind, and just wish they felt like they could reach out to someone instead!
Lisa,
I recently started reading your blog and this hit close to home. My brother tried to commit suicide about 7 years ago. Luckily, my mom came home early and stopped it. It’s a scary situation but that rock bottom helped him seek help and get serious about it. I hope everyone can leave Amber alone and allow her to get help privately. Thanks for speaking about this subject that needs more attention. People shouldn’t be ashame to seek help.
whew…suicide. heavy topic, one i’ve always strangely been attracted to (i did a report in the seventh grade about teenage suicide…what twelve year old thinks about that? i mean, really…). sophomore year in high school a girl in my class committed suicide. i knew her and knew she struggled with depression and an eating disorder but the news still kind of bowled me over. i thought it was a joke at first. a friend told me over an IM. definitely an unnerving moment. it happened on new years, too. so while i was with friends having fun, this girl was caught in an emotional space i’ll never thoroughly understand. i think about her from time to time. and every new years. it just makes me so sad to think of how she would be now, how her life would have unfolded. i’m sorry you’ve experience such a traumatic event in your life, lisa. thanks for sharing your perspective. it’s definitely got me thinking.
My boyfriends uncle committed suicide last year, leaving two young boys behind. It was so sad and the worst is you can really see the effect on them now growing up without their father… It’s a terrible thing
Great job on your tests!!! You are kicking butt so far : )
What a great post about such a serious topic. I have never had to face the reality of suicide but I know people that have. Seeing the hurt and confusion on their faces was so hard. Thank you for being brave enough to share your experiences with us!
I’m glad to hear that your brother has learned he needs to talk to someone and that suicide is not the answer. I have a brother as well, and I cannot imagine losing him. I haven’t really encountered suicide in my life but it’s a topic that’s always hit me hard. For people to have such large problems and hurt that they feel it is the only way out is so sad to me. You give great advice in this post on warning signs. Thanks for writing about such a deep and important topic.
This topic hits a lot closer to home than I would like. About 4 years ago my little sister attempted it. She was hospitalized for a couple weeks afterwards..and I have lived in fear ever since that she might try again someday. I know she is in a much better place in her life now(back then there was all kinds of ridiculous family drama going on that factored into it as well) she’s engaged, has a beautiful little girl and another about to come any day now. But whenever she is even kind of sad a little part of me starts to worry.
What a great honest and heartfelt post. I’ve never been directly exposed to suicide so your story really impacts me. Suicide is such an important topic, so I’m so glad you wrote about it here.
Great post, Lisa. It’s a hard topic, but one that hits home for many people (far too many, probably). The closest I have encountered it was when my sister was really struggling with depressions. I was the one person who she did reach out to and share that she was thinking those thoughts. I remember getting a call from my mom in college that they were checking my sister in to the hospital because she had been cutting herself. It is such a shock, even if you have an inkling that a person is dealing with depression. My mom also struggles with depression, but thankfully, never suicidal thoughts.
I’m sorry you’ve had so much of this around you. That can’t be easy, but continue to be the rock and optimistic woman that you are. You’re probably a ray of light to so many people.
I agree with you completely that I don’t think suicide is selfish. For something to be selfish I feel like it has to be rational and there isn’t anything rational about taking your own life. I think that person feels like there is no other way out and all too often they feel like they will be doing everyone a favor to just not be aroudn anymore. I would argue that sometimes in people’s desparate mindset they actually think they are being selfless but committing suicide.
You’re so brave for sharing this! I’m so sorry all that happened in your life, but you’re so strong and inspiring!
I’ve fortunately never lost anyone close to me from suicide, but I definitely worried about my mom a lot when her alcoholism was really bad right after my parents divorced. It’s such a scary feeling.
I’ve had one of my good friends mother kill herself…and one of my good friends (at the time) attempted it. I’ve never attempted it but I did have a bout of depression during my teen years. Never suicidal but had my own host of issues. Luckily after a couple years in therapy I was a brand new me. It’s crazy when you look back and don’t even recognize the person you once were!
Thanks for posting about this. My friend and I (who have both lost close relatives to suicide) had a long chat last Friday about how it’s a hard topic that usually feels taboo but really needs more attention. It is way too common…
It’s good to hear your brother is doing well and learning to cope with depression. Positive vibes his way.
Great post as always!
If you follow my blog you know my best friends son committed suicide 10 months ago. It was and is a learning experience. We all miss Weston so much. I can’t even think of words to describe the loss.
Thanks for sharing.
Hugs monica.
This is such a thoughtful post, Lisa. Definitely a tough topic, and you’re brave for sharing your experiences. I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of that, but glad you are willing to share. It’s such a big issue that I feel like isn’t discussed often enough; I’ve known some friends of friends who’ve committed suicide, but never anyone directly. Thanks again for bringing awareness!
Thank you for sharing these experiences. I’m sure a lot of people out there have been through similar things, or are dealing with their own depression, and will really be helped by this post.
I completely agree with Chels. You handled that rough topic so well, and I hate that you had to go through what you did at such a young age.
Annnd, I have always thought suicide WAS a selfish action. Everyone I have known in my life who has been affected suicide has lead me to believe such. I had two classmates, two friends fathers, and a mother of a child I teach commit suicide, and I hate seeing the effects on the people they leave behind. I really appreciate your making me realize something different… that it isn’t necessarily selfishness. It’s one last attempt at control.
Eeesh. I’m ready for some butterflies and rainbows now.
It seems selfish to OTHER people, but to the person contemplating it, it isn’t. Heck, sometimes they think that the people in their lifes will be better off without them as sad and warped as that sounds.
i think when you get into such places of darkness, it’s hard to see anything else.
Your post is heavy…but necessary. So thank you.
My mother struggles with bipolar disorder. She has attempted more suicide attempts than I can count on both hands. She was almost successful in her last attempt which was six years ago. It was most drastic attempt of all. And it wasn’t until she almost died, that she really valued her life. She realized death was not what she wanted.
I will never have the mom that I had when I was a young child before the bipolar disease took over. But I’ve learned to love and accept her for who she is now. It took a long time and a lot of forgiving on my part. But I’d rather have this mom, than no mom at all.
Thanks for being real!
Wow. However hard the journey was, I am thankful that she now sees that death isn’t what she wants. That’s a huge step towards something good.
And sometimes, we just have to accept what is in front of us. Sounds like that’s what you are doing
.
I saw your ‘tweet’ last night about Amber & was like WHOA! I had no idea she was suffering so much. I don’t watch Teen Mom regularly, but I have seen episodes here & there. I know she is dealing with a lot with her boyfriend, or fiance..not sure what he is. But, it would be devasting to leave that little girl behind without a Mom
I’m so sorry to hear that you have gone through such tough experiences. I cannot even imagine that, especially with your brother. I’m so glad to hear that he now knows that suicide is not the answer..and that he got the help/ is getting the help that he needs. I personally have not dealt with anyone committing suicide, but I had a boyfriend a while ago that did. His brother killed himself. It was SO hard on him (the boyfriend at the time) & his family. It TORE the family apart. It’s so sad because it IS very selfish. I hope that someone that is reading this today that might be considering it DOES get the help they did. Suicide is NOT the answer.
I find it interesting you posted this, as I’ve been lately noticing a small stream of sadness happening to those around me or vaguely connected to me. A few days ago, an acquaintance from high school committed suicide. I hadn’t seen him in years but we share many mutual friends and it is saddening for me to know those who are mourning. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with such pain so early and so often in your life, but I think it’s wise and strong of you to share your input here, it’s sparked some good conversation.
Thank you so much for having the courage to speak about this, Lisa- it’s an issue that affects so many people but is so rarely talked about (mental health in general, I think). I’m really sorry for what you and your family have dealt with- it’s so painful to know that someone you love is in so much pain that the thought of living is too much to tolerate. I have never thought suicide was selfish- it is the ultimate act of desperation to escape from unbearable suffering and whilst it’s often easy for someone on the outside to see alternatives/reasons for the person to live, their minds are so clouded by blackness that it’s impossible to fathom anything else. I have lost several people close to me to suicide over the past few years and attempted seceral times myself- it’s really hard to talk about so again, thank you for writing this.
(it’s ellie from no-longer “Inside I’m Dancing” blog/@eatsleeplaugh on twitter, btw!)
I didn’t know you had a tumblr! man, I am behind.
first of all, I love the way you described it. You put it into words much better than I could.
And as far as you and your family…simply, *hugs*.
thank you! Tblr is new- miss blogging/blogging communit and Tumblr seemed a better option to ease back in
Still been reading and keeping up to date just hard to engage too much right now!
also want to add that as a nurse-to-be, your compassion and understanding is really refreshing- I can understand why it is frustrating for nurses/practitioners to deal with what can be perceived as self-induced injuries in their line of work, but they are often the ones that deal with it first-hand as patients are admitted after attempts and being met with tolerance/non-judgments/empathy can make the world of difference. You’ll be an amazing nurse one day!
Wow…thank you for sharing this. I have all the respect in the world for you veering off your typical blogging to touch on something that is important to you. I’ve also been affected indirectly by suicide growing up and it truly is a very horrible thing that leaves scars on everyone touched by it. I am so glad to have hope in Jesus Christ, who binds up the brokenhearted and lifts us out of despair!!! He truly is the answer. I think if it were not for my faith I would struggle so much more with depression. I am so thankful to Him.
Amen
Wow. That is just so sad. Thank you for sharing your story and your experiences and thoughts on the subject. I have typically jumped to the conclusion that suicide is selfish and while I think there is truth to that in some sense, there is a lot more truth behind it being helplessness and pain. Thank you for covering such an important topic.
This is a wonderful, heartfelt post Lisa. I am very sorry to hear about your brothers attempts. Luckily they were not successful.
Suicide is such a difficult thing to deal with. A guy who was in the Army with me committed suicide this past March and it was the most difficult time I ever experienced. 19 years young, a bright future, a caring guy… gone. I still have a hard time grasping it and feel bad that I think what he did was incredibly selfish. But the people he left behind will never understand what was going through his head then. While I have never been suicidal, when I was 13 and 14 I inflicted pain on myself and am so glad that I learned how to deal with hardships differently. God bless, Lisa!
im so sorry to hear about your brother. it’s so hard when people close to you try to destroy themselves and you want to help so bad but can’t. i have a brother who struggles with drug addiction and it kills me to see. i actually have a friend from college who just died this past weekend from a drug overdose. i realize it’s not suicide…but it’s still that lack of self worth that i wish they would see. its so sad and frustrating. thanks for sharing your stories…i hope your brother is happier these days!
Wow I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Hugs!
Thanks for addressing such an important and hard topic. You really are an incredible woman. Can’t believe all you’ve experienced in your life – such an inspiration to me in strength! xo
Great post!
Although I do not like to admit it, during middle school, I did attempt it by taking some pills. Looking back I know i was trying to get some attention. I was upset about a boy and a close friend– typical middle school drama! Its sad that so many people experience this- I luckily had my mom to help support me who was very concern about me through out it!
Hi Lisa – This is such a powerful post and I’m humbled to come across it. I too have encountered suicide far too often in my life – my aunt committed suicide when I was in high school and my younger sister attempted (and thankfully was not successful) 3 years ago. While I didn’t attempt suicide, I did self-injure and deal with depression too. I also found out that my dad had contemplated suicide multiple times in my young childhood. Needless to say, depression runs in my family.
After I almost lost my sister and our family hadn’t taken any action to address or talk about suicide and depression, I sought out a way to make a difference. I volunteer with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (www.afsp.org) and have worked to put on the Out of the Darkness walk in Denver for the past 2 years.
I’m so glad you posted about this – It’s such a stigma in our society that needs to be broken down and the only way that can happen is by people talking about it. I could go on and on about this as I’m sure you can too.
Thank you for this post – thank you for sharing your experiences and bringing light to this epidemic in our society.
I look forward to following your blog!
You are right. It’s never spoken of and when it is, it’s misunderstood. I only have my story with it–and if sharing my story opens up the dialogue then I think it’s a fantastic thing.
What a great thing to volunteer for.
PS: I am hoping to move to the Denver area in the next 3-4 years.
This post is very honest and real and I thank you for opening up.
Two summers ago, the father of a high school friend committed suicide. The most heartbreaking thing was that my friend was the one who found him. This family had already been through so much- the youngest daughter was diagnosed with a heart condition, the middle child was a bit of a rebel, and the mother was in remission for breast cancer. My friend (the oldest) had to hold it together and be the rock of the family, but I knew that it was killing her inside, especially since she made the discovery.
It was quite a shock. The father was such a nice man and was such a family guy. It was truly one of the most heartbreaking things in my life.
oh wow I can’t even imagine. That’s horrible
.
Such and excellent post and a great way to explain how suicide affects everyone and how to help other.
I’ve had suicide affect me in many different ways. Two of my uncles have bi-polar disorder. One was successful in his suicide attempt and the other has attempted several times.
A friend of mine was found right after graduation in his car after killing himself.
Many of my church members have had family members commit suicide.
And I myself have Bi-polar disorder with lots of thoughts of suicide and a few attempts that required hospitalization. I’m blessed today to say my symptoms are under control and don’t have the thoughts any more.
Thanks so much for having the courage to share your story and tackle a difficult topic. I’ve had a few friends who have struggled with suicide attempts, so it means a lot to me!
Really enjoyed reading this post. Suicide is a big part of my life. Not only have I tried to commit suicide myself more than once and had thoughts of doing it for many a years (not anymore).. I have also had over a dozen friends commit suicide. Close friends. It’s retarded and I hate it. I thought that we were all past that stage and had grown up and realized life was worth living.. but a couple weeks ago a close friend killed himself. This is the first I have actually said anything about it in writing and it makes me mad just typing it. Suicide makes me sad, but it also makes me mad. It provokes a whole lot of emotions in me.. yikes.. I am gonna stop! Thank you for sharing your story when it comes to suicide!
That story from when you were six really sends me chilly-willys and an aching heart for that scared little Lisa.
Wow. I can only imagine. I was very young when my brother went through struggles and addictions, eventually left home and at one point had to be baker acted because of a suicidal cry for help and it is really frightening to see someone you love hurt SO bad.
They don’t want to die. They want the pain to stop.
I am glad your bro is in a better place.
Mine eventually wound up in an amazing place of healing and health. However, when I got a call from the police late at night regarding my brother it was one of the first conclusions I jumped to.
He however had died from a heart attack at 38. He left behind a one year old son and I know that dying was the last thing he wanted to do at that point. Because life was no longer painful, but joyous.
I pray that your brother will continue to live a life that leads hime to more peace.
Lisa, thank you so much for sharing your story and bringing forth a subject that is so heavy to talk about. I wish that suicide, as well as mental illness… were not such “taboo” subjects– i feel if people were more cognizant of the deeper issues at hand, there would be less suicides and less attempts. Suicide really hits home to me, as I had 2 close friends attempt in HS on separate occasions. In each instance, I was the person they reached out to *after* they had already taken the pills. Luckily I was able to take action and get them the help they needed, and they both became happier over time. What makes this so sad, though, is that both of these boys later died in car accidents, again on separate occasions. I felt such guilt… thinking that they had escaped death once, why would a car accident end up taking them? And just last year, a college friend of my was successful in taking his own life. Suicide is such a sad, horrible thing. But you are right, it’s our job to take care of our friends and reach out and make sure they are “okay”
Absolutely beautiful. This post was so eloquently written. I have been through serious bouts of depression myself, a few times with suicidal thoughts, but thank god never taking action on it. Suicide is such a delicate topic because so many see it as people not being able to deal with issues surrounding them, but the truth is that when we have those thoughts, it’s because we WANT someone to come help us. We don’t want to sit and wait for others to come help, and we don’t know how to ask for it, so we take the only way out that we know how. Just end it all.
exactly. it’s often the only way people know how to ask for help. it’s sad, but it’s true.
{ 1 trackback }