Floating on the Breeze: A Series

I don’t hold back on my blog. I know that there are varying opinions on what should be shared and what should be kept private in blog-land. I subscribe to the idea that being open and honest and sharing my story is what I need to be doing.

It’s who I am. I’m an easily excitable person.  I tend to try to live life by floating on the breeze and seeing where it takes me. When there’s something new in my life, I want to share it with everyone. I want everyone to revel in this new found goodness and be JUST as excited as me. I’ve found that the idea that people will care as much as I do is a little unrealistic, but it’s still my dream. A girl can hope, right?

Friends, I have something new in my life. Something that I am really excited about. Something that I want to share with the world so everyone can revel in this new found goodness with me.  I know that the majority of my readers will jump for joy WITH me regarding this new addition in my life. I’m not naive though, and I realize that everyone might not be as happy as me about this. I realize that some people might think I’m not living my life the right way or the way they would live it. I realize that some people might be judgemental. I’ve also realized that that is ok. What would the world be without varying opinions?

It’s important to me and I want to share it. So share I will.

I began to type this story and quickly approached five pages without much thought. Words were flying out of my fingertips onto this computer screen at lightning speed.

Instead of one large post that no one will want to read, I will be doing a weekly installment for as long as it takes me to get my story (and new found goodness) out.

Are you ready??

There is someone special in my life. Someone so special that I am nervous about writing this post because I feel like I won’t be able to do justice to this special person or this special relationship that has blossomed.

Like all things in life that are worth it, I must try.

 Do you believe in love at first sight?

I had never really known if I believed in it. I didn’t doubt that others had experienced it—but I just knew that I had never been lucky enough to experience it on my own and therefore couldn’t attest to its validity. In the deepest parts of my mind, I wanted to believe that it existed. I’m a romantic at heart. I like to dream a lot. I like to see the positives in everything and I like to find meanings behind even the shittiest, lowest moments in our lives.

I’ve always felt that there was something bigger for me out there in this world. I’ve never known what it was—whether it be in my professional life, my life with my family, my relationships with others—I just knew that I was meant to be something greater. I’ve always known I was supposed to be a part of something BIG.

I was meant to be a part of something important.

While I love feeling like I have bigger things out there to reach, I’ve often felt like it was a curse. I’ve spent a larger part of my life, even as a young girl, reaching for that unseen unknowing “something” in my life that would feel….right. It would feel….like me. It would feel…like that missing puzzle piece. That missing key.

Can I tell you frustrating it can be to feel like you are constantly reaching to find that ambiguous “home”? It’s frustrating constantly searching for some “unknown something” that will make you feel like you are where you belong. I constantly felt a little out of place because I was always searching for that something.

That passion I have inside of me has long been looking for a home. I’ve always known that the “something bigger” in my life had to deal with love. By love, I don’t just mean romantic love. I’m talking about love in a broader sense. Love of this world, of this life, the people in this world, the animals in this world…love of everything that encompasses life in this world.

Throughout life, I’ve thrown myself and my passion into activities, missions, and people hoping that one day it would all click and that I would know that my passion was in a worthy and deserving place.

I’ve thrown my passion into sports like Gymnastics…devoting every last second of my life into becoming the best, most dedicated, hard working tough cookie little gymnast I could be. While I learned a great deal from throwing my passion into that, it wasn’t it.

I’ve thrown my passion into school and learning. Learning fills me with life in ways that I can’t explain. Learning fuels me and inspires me to never settle in the knowledge that I have. Always reach for me—learn more—keep growing.

I’ve thrown my passion into animals. Volunteering, helping, and doing all that I can to better the lives of the precious animals around us. Giving a voice to those animals when they had none.

I’ve thrown my passion into this blog. It started out as something I didn’t care about and now it’s something that people can relate to. I am a real person, with real problems, who makes real mistakes. This blog has given me a voice and is one of the only places I truly feel like my passion has a deserving home.

I’ve thrown my passion into people. Some worthy and some who didn’t deserve even an inch of my passion.

I’ve thrown my passion into unhealthy obsessions.

One thing I love about myself is that I put my all, every last inch of me, into things I love or am interested in.

 Go big or go home, right?

Some people in my life tell me I need to back off. They warn me that I am constantly setting myself up for dissapointment because I invest so much into people, things, or ideas.

What do I say to them? I say to hell with that. When I love, I love big. When I start working towards a goal or a dream, I go hard. When I find something that sparks my interest, I research and learn everything I can about the topic. It’s just the way I work.

Has this method of living given me dissapointment? Sure it has. Things don’t always turn out the way you want. You can’t control that—you can only control how you handle what’s thrown at you. And I always handle life with grace.

And besides—had I not loved big or when for something hard—how would I have known? I tried and that’s important to me. If I fail, so what. If a relationship fails and I get hurt—so what. You live, love, and learn from it—and you move forward.

As I’ve gotten older, I have begun to feel more solid in myself and the way I view and operate my life. I know that eventually I will find whatever that “something big” is that makes me tick and gets my blood flowing and warm.

This is a big reason why I knew things would never be the way I wanted in my last relationship. I just knew, in my heart of hearts, that I was meant for something more in a relationship. Someone who wanted me to be my partner and walk through life beside me.

In the words of this dear man I am going to tell you about…

”Beside you. Not in front, not behind. With”

(To be continued…)