A lot has happened in the past two weeks. If I am being honest, I haven’t done the best job of keeping up with it all. I always feel like I am always a few steps behind and am constantly sprinting to catch back up. That’s the way life goes though.
A few new things..
-I am on a Psych rotation for Nursing School and work with children ages 6-14.
-I am deep into school.
-I moved.
-I started Crossfit.
-Sooners are still #1.
Another new thing in my life: a relationship with my brothers.
I know I haven’t gone very in-depth regarding the dynamics of my family, but it is something I’d like to blog about at some point. I’ve got a large, highly unusual, but somehow functional family. I’ll leave it at that for now.
I have two older brothers. Half-brothers. All three of us share the same dad–but we all have different mothers. Both were away from their mothers and grew up in the house with our father and my mother.
We also have quite an age gap between us. My oldest brother, Robert, who now lives in New York City is now 41 years old. Mickey, who lives here in Oklahoma, is 36 years old. That’s a grand total of 15 and 10 years difference between us.
I am thankful that I have these wonderful big brothers who always looked out for me. However, I had always wished that I could have siblings that were closer in my age. I never felt like I could relate to them in the way that I thought siblings should. They never quite felt like the family I had always envisioned in my head.
Of course I have many wonderful memories with them.
Robert, my oldest brother, was especially fond of torturing me with the tickle game. Apparently, I dished quite a bit to him (ie: annoyed the hell out of him), but couldn’t take it when it was handed my way and would run to my mom crying. He could hold me down and tickle me until I said the magic word. The word wasn’t Uncle, please, or thank you. It was LED ZEPPLIN. I had the hardest time remembering that as a little girl so these tickle fest would last for ages.
He was also in a band in high school (opened up for Warrant and everything. Big deal). I spent my young young days with teased blond hair on a stage head banging with my brother, the lead singer, and his band mates. He certainly knew how to be the “perfect” big brother when the ladies were around. It wasn’t all fun though: I broke a few of his guitar strings when I wasn’t supposed to be touching the guitar at all. That didn’t go over well.
My other brother, Mickey, was quiet and reserved. However, he has that soft and caring soul. I called him “bubba” and he was always so patient with me. He would play till he was blue in the face. He would dress up as a clown for my birthday parties. He put up with me and my Little Mermaid sheets and nightlight when we had to share rooms.
Regardless of those wonderful memories, I never felt that connection with them in the manner that I wanted.
Until recently.
Aging is such a wonderful thing. With age comes maturity, wisdom, and understand about the world and the way it works.
Aging means that I am finally catching up to my brothers.
It all started with a phone call to my brother Robert when I was in deep deep despair. I’m not sure why I thought to reach out to him, but he was one of the first people that came to mind. I was deep into some eating issues, had horrible body image, and didn’t know where to turn. A panic attack over eating an apple that wasn’t on plan was the catalyst I needed to reach out to someone. I called Robert that night crying and poured my heart and soul into him. He listened to me for hours on end and counseled me until I fell asleep. From that night on, we have had a beautiful relationship. He’s incredibly nonjudgmental and open. I can tell him anything. In addition, he always knows the right things to say to me to lift me up. Plus, he’s a dreamer at heart. Inspiring and optimistic to the core. Just like me.
My relationship with Mickey came about a little slower. That’s not a bad thing. I have ALWAYS known that Mickey loved and cared for me deeply. However, we weren’t the best at communicating that to each other. We were often silent when perhaps words needed to be said.
That’s slowly changing and it starts with nights like tonight. He wanted to know about all the new things going on in my life so I invited him over for dinner. He came early and spent some time with me in the kitchen as I prepared some Chicken Tortilla Soup. As I was cooking, Mickey caught me up with details about his life.
(Lots of veggies in the base of that soup.)
Over soup and beer, we connected. We talked like adults and friends. I gave him advice on how to meet some ladies. I was able to talk to him about my new relationship, about friendship, and about school. We were able to discuss things that should’ve been discussed years ago, but we never got around to it.
I love that I am getting the chance to know my brothers on different levels. They are no longer my smelly big brothers, but real people. We’ve finally broken through that superficial surface layer and moved into a deeper relationship. They are real friends. Friends who are bound by blood.
Over the past 5 years, I’ve truly been able to grow into my family.
My family certainly isn’t perfect. It may lack in tradition, but its unconventionality and love make up for it.
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
That’s great to hear you are starting to be able to relate to your older brothers. I am the oldest. I have a younger brother but we have kind of a weird relationship. I love him fiercely but he is SO much smarter than me. I’m not just saying that, he literally thinks on a much higher level and I kind of get lost in the dust. But he’s always willing to help me fix my computer!
Trust me when I say some part of every one’s family is dysfunctional. No matter how perfect they might seem. My dad and I barely speak. But the thing with family is it means loving each other despite their imperfections.
Meg recently posted..Goin’ strong
I like this post. a lot.
you know, a family doesn’t have to be “typical” or “conventional” to be real. You guys seem to have a great relationship.
debbie recently posted..7 things + a few more
I love this post. My brother and I do not get along (he’s 18, I’m 21.) We still argue like we did when we were little. Everyone always says that your siblings become your best friends when you get older, and this post is perfect proof of that. I can’t wait for this to happen to my brother and I
Brittney recently posted..Chobani, please.
My brother and i are 10 years apart. When he was little it was easy for me to please him because I’d be the fun big sister that would take him to movies, Dave n Busters (do you have those in Oklahoma?), the park, and other places my mom couldn’t afford. I would buy him the coolest toys for his bday that were the must haves of every toys r us kid. Now that he’s a teenager in high school he’s impossible to shop for (all he wants is gift cards to get video games…boring!) and I can think of absolutely nothing we can do together that a 16 year old boy would consider fun. This post gives me hope that as he gets a little older we can reconnect again. I hope he and I become as close as you and your brothers! In the mean time, anything you can think of that you and them did when you were in high school that you found memorable, creative or entertaining?
Brynnly,
To be honest, I didn’t do much with them when I was in highschool. It was a time when our relationships were pretty superficial. I would visit my brother in NYC and got close to him that way, but that was about it. I wouldn’t try too hard to force a relationship onto him right now–does he like rock band or any more interactive video games? Maybe you could join in on those.
Yes, the family is unconventional but great. I am so glad you have finally connected with both of your brothers. You know they would do anything for you. I wish I could connect with my brother. To be honest the family you grew up in is much better than the one I had.
Beautiful post…I have one brother — 3 years younger. And it’s taken us a long time to grow into family, too. We were super close as kids, not close at all as young adults, and we’re now getting to know each other as adults.
Oh, and when we were young, my parents got sick of hearing “no” so they told us they only understood Znay Gualadelloppell. Spelling is a guess.
Katy Widrick recently posted..Five for Friday
I think, regardless of the conventionality of families, there is a stage where they are all ‘growing into being a family’. I have two brothers, 18 months older and 18 months younger and we hated each other in high school and for a long time afterward. Now as we near all near 30, we are finally mature enough and secure enough in ourselves to be friends and to be there to support each other. It is a fantastic thing though, isn’t it?
My older sister is 10 years older than me. And the last time I remember really feeling like a family was when she was hospitalized and diagnosed with paranoid schziophrenia. Our family has probably gotten closer since than and for that I am eternally grateful, because in my experience, mental illness typically drives families apart.
that sounds a lot like my family!
my brother and sister are actually my half-brother and half-sister, but we don’t call each other that. they’re actually 13 and 15 years older than me, and until a few years ago, I wasn’t close with them at all, especially my brother.
age brings SO much life to family time, doesn’t it?
Alyssa @ Life of bLyss recently posted..Sorry I Ruined It.
That is so nice. Congrats! I’ve tried to have a relationship with my brother but is 19 and unfortunately making some bad, immature decisions. Hopefully one day.
Ashley @ Freckles & Spice recently posted..1/2 Year Blogging Birthday: The 6 Things Blogging Has Given Me
This is so sweet. I’ve been feeling similar things regarding my family too. I’m twenty three with twin half brothers who will be forty this year another half brother, Glenn, who is 38. I don’t remember much of them growing because of such a large age gap they didn’t always live with us. I’m so thankful for growing up and those relationships take on a new light just like you said.
I really think unconventional families are the new “normal”. In addition to those three half brothers, I have another “full” older brother, “full” younger sister, and a younger adopted brother and sister who are siblings themselves. To add on to that, my parents are in the process of adopting my second cousin who is now six. The more, the merrier, right? I really look forward to the rest of my siblings growing and for those relationships to deepen. Definitely a perk about getting older!
Gloria recently posted..Three Years Ago Today…
Going through our parents’ divorce together at a young age I think has kept my siblings and I very close. I have always been able to hang out with my brother – 2 years younger – but over the past few years, I’ve emotionally connected with my young sister – now 18 – too. One of my favorite memories is after my college graduation when my sibs stayed after and went out with me. I’m honestly so grateful to have them in my life to get through our parents’ craziness together.
I was talking to my guy the other day though – who grew up as one of 3 boys – and he said he thinks its always good to have a sister in a family because women tend to be the folks that value keeping a family close. Your desire to have these relationships with your brothers I bet is paying out on their side too!
Mel recently posted..Discovering Grown-Up Relationships
That’s great Lisa! My brother and I didn’t become close until late in life either. We still have a hard time communicating, but I know he loves me and would do anything for me.
I have two brothers (B is two years older and E is five years younger) and I adore them both whole-heartedly. Whenever my parents get frustrated with the fact that their kids tend to forget that they’re grown ups now, I just remind them that they should be glad that they have three kids who legitimately enjoy each other’s company.
Ashley recently posted..My (Semi) Triumphant Return to Blogging
This is such a great story. It made me think about my two brothers. One is older and the other is younger. I’m really close with my younger brother, but my older brother and I rarely talk because we are in two different worlds. I love them both a lot. Also, sometimes having an unconventional family is the best kind. My family is for sure not normal and very hmmm interesting is the best word I can think of. Thanks for sharing.
Lindsay recently posted..Five Things this Friday
I really loved this post. A lot of people don’t open up about the dynamics of their family and those relationships- they have their reasons, it’s ok. But I thought this was very refreshing to read.
I really love this post! That is great that you are able to reconnect with your brothers! I love your honesty!
Sara @ RunnerWife recently posted..Long Run Necessities
love this post!! it took years for us to become good friends with our sisters, we have two older sisters. the second oldest we are very close with now, as the oldest sis we still sometimes struggle. she is just so different than us.
Pure2raw twins recently posted..HEAB and Summer
That’s so great about your brothers. I’m very close to my siblings and couldn’t imagine it being any other way.
On a superficial note, I really love your hair short. Not many people can pull it off and you’re one of them. It gives you an edge. That last pic, so cute. Have you thought about cutting it again?
Thank you! I have! I LOVED having short hair and I had it short (and shorter than that pic even) for about 3 years. I just got tired of it so I am in the process of growing it ou. Eventually, prob in a year or so, I will cut it short again. For now, I am enjoying it long.
Awwww that is great you are spending more time with your brothers now! Family is important ; ) no family is perfect , and you just have to do your best and be good to each other!
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